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Your best drunken incidents.


As the title says, tell all about the best things you have done whilst being completely slammed.

One of my best was at a house party. Me and a friend did not like the host much, and we decided to play a series of games. One of them was to find the most peculiar object in the house, and hide it behind the seats in the front room. I won within the first few moments as I had decided to unhook the curtain from the bathroom, and stow it within my shirt.

My mate tried to better me by throwing all the clocks away. We then invented a list of things to do, which we dubbed the "Bastard's List". A 51 point checklist of awful stuff to do. We placed eggs within his tumble dryer (unbroken), whisked eggs and cigarette ash into this dessert type thing in the fridge. Placed an ironing board in the bed and pissed in the host's collection of bongs, and also in the bins scattered about the house. We then topped the night off by stealing the bird table (which I took) and also a deck chair (which my mate claimed).

So, feel free to discuss your own memorable incidents. :D


War Hero
Well I started having trouble with alcoholic gravity when I was fifteen so it might take a while. :D :D

When we were in gib in '68 we did pick all the flowers from around the window boxes at admiralty house and milk the governor's cow dry.
The Reg's were searching every ship but when they arrived in our mess they were overwhelmed by the smell of dhoby dust, foo foo and aftershave, but no flowers.
Even Reg's ain't that daft that they didn't know why it honked. :roll: :roll: 8O


While working for the Commander British Forces in Honky fid, I used to spend many a happy and profitable evening the in the China Fleet Club employed as a bingo caller. A team of us used to sell the tickets, count the takings and then allocate a portion as winnings.

I used to get paid for my stint, but also got free wets, especially from the Chinese. The trouble was, the wets would come so fast, I usually put my rum and cokes into a pint glass. By the end of the evening I would have a full pint glass of very generous measures. I used to wear a sharp 2 piece grey suit, picked up in the wanch and at the end of the evening would retire to the lounge to scupper the half pint of rum with coke, and finish offwith a few chasers.

Just before Xmas, after a particularly heavy session, I failed to negotiate the top stair while attempting to descend from the upper lounge to ground floor. As I launched myself into the hereafter, my mate grabbed the only part of me he could which was my left arm. Choagy tailoring being what it was, the arm detached from the rest of the jacket and I hit every one of the 26 steps.

He tucked the arm into my pocket and pushed me into a taxi. Wife asleep, so incident forgotten by the next morning.

Until 2 weeks later as I had shit, shave, shower, shampoo ready for the big thrash down the mess. Shirt on, trousers on, shoes near the door. jacket taken off hangar and slipped on. Wife sees the jacket and.....WTF

I tried to explain but could not even remember the incident from 2 weeks previous. Borrowed a too large suit from oppo upstairs and cinderella went to the ball.


Land Rover full of Pongo MPs arrested me & my Oppo in Gib once, we were sat in a flower bed eating Daffodils on a traffic island, they asked what we were doing, we both replied "We are Fcuking marooned!"
They shoved us in the back p1ssing themselves. Dropped us off at the dockyard, good lads.


War Hero
Got caught having a Jimmy Riddle one night whilst hollering songs by The Pogues, heard a car pull up and someone say "Do you know what you're doing's illegal?". Without looking I replied by trying to make a deal along the lines of "I'll give your car a free service wash if you don't tell the dibble". Laughed, zipped up, turned round.........dibble :(


Yet another memorable one of mine, me and my mate were stumbling home from the pub ( Church Inn, great food and barstaff to ogle ) and we spotted some poor bloke, having a nap in his car. My friend turned to me and said " The door's open, can you see?" to which I proceeded to yell "Bollocks!" to. After much convincing, he persuaded me to open the door. I did. Lo and behold, the door slowly opens, and the man starts to fall towards the concrete. We start running and hear a loud thump echo down the street. No doubt it was the man's cranium making contact with with the kerb. I couldn't stop laughing for hours!
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