You rats [email protected]

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Montigny_La_Palisse, Jun 30, 2009.

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  1. I've just come back from Oslo, where everyone was divs. Even the fat, old and gingers were worth a wipe. There was divs chavs, divs mongs, divs grannies and divs lezzers.

    Fortunately I fit in nicely because as we all know, I am essence. However, you lot would have been fcuked.

    So why are the British so fcuking ugly? How in God's name can every single woman in Oslo be so fcuking charming yet I've been back here for 4 days and the only bird I'd give the good news to was a passable chick in the hairdressers earlier today, but even she may have been a bit gwar so it would have been a quarter to twoer.

    Britain = Rats. Discuss.
     
  2. However I was in Bournemouth a couple weekends a go for a run shore with the lads and there were Maids galore there all worth a squirt.
     
  3. Montigny,

    I don't know what you've got to complain about.

    I've always had a thing for the older women but,
    when you get to my age, there aren't any.

    Jerry
     
  4. Have to agree mate. When your essence like us the bar is raised and most wimmin just dont cut the mustard.

    And what is it about women and fcuking tattoos FFS!! Absolutely gopping and make them look like a bunch of hillbilly lezzas
     
  5. Agree with you there. Spent 2 weeks with Percy skiing in another Norwegian place called Voss. Initially used as target practice by them but then allowed 4 days off to ski and piss up, all on pusser. The girls there were just absolutely divs. A damn good set of genes and DNA there! Great to know that this new batch (age showing through here over the years) have kept the standards high.
     
  6. Ah yes, locality may be the key.

    Cumbria = A bizzarre mixture of turbo divs and fcuking honking, no in the middle.
    Tyne and Wear = Passable, better than elsewhere once you scrape the fake tan off.
    Liverpool = Rats, and they talk like cnuts.
    London = Uber rats, and they ARE cnuts.
    Birmingham = Passable, see Liverpool.
    Pompey = Harry Von Turbo-Uber rats
    Cornwall = See Cumbria.
    Scotland, Wales (Cardiff excluded) and Ireland = Fcuking mongpigs.
    Everywhere else = RATS

    Nope, Britain is still rats. Barcelona, Montevideo, Marseille, Talinn, Valpers, Rio, Dubai, St Petersburg, Paris, Munich, Copenhagen, Melbourne, Tokyo, and the rest of the world. ALL laugh at our ratsness.
    Why?
     
  7. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    Welcome back Zoolander, good to see you fitted in well with the mongs! :wink:
     
  8. Welcome back monty! You have been missed.
     
  9. I've got to agree with you on Cornwall there. There is some fine maids down here, and some uber not so fine ones.

    I find the rats ones come out more during the shorter days longer nights as they will be seen less and the fine maids come out when the sun is shinning in their short skirts and bikini tops. They love it
     
  10. Chester's a top town for Totty, stay away from the Blacon end and you will be OK!!!!

    I even think Monty would fit in well!!!
     
  11. Zoolander eh? I'll have you know I have more than one look, it's not just "Blue steel" here, ask Oslo.

    I hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.
     
  12. I believe the munters from the local estate are employed by the local posh restaurants as truffle hunters as they ate all the pigs that were on the local farm as a light (or not so) snack!!!

    Fcuk me some of them are so ugly they melt the wallpaper off the walls and make essence individuals like myselves eyes bleed blinding us into submission!!! 8O
     
  13. Aye there are some fuglies lurking about
     
  14. I rather naively went into the Liverpool Arms at the north gate on an occasion. Fcuking blue oyster bar or what and i didnt stop to finish my pint!! 8O
     
  15. To be fair though, I have ploughed some fcuking hot maids in Cornwall. It's the bong-eyed, sugarpuff toothed, sideshow Bob haired fat faux "Radical and Gnarly" cnuts that one has to fight off when one has had one to many sherberts and can't fend for ones self.

    None of that in Norway, you trap, she's divs. Fact.
     
  16. Not sure what you mean???? Surley the Divs Susan Boyle is proof enough that Britain has more than it's fair share of Hotties?
     
  17. My experience in Norway is that they are either essence or they aint. But luckily the essence birds far and away exceed the honking miss of ming that we have to deal with here!!
     
  18. Fair one XRD, perhaps the pure ratsness of the UK is blighting my judgment, perhaps stating all birds in Norway are divs is a little too broad a statement. I shall brewak it down.

    Percentage of divs chick to minger:

    Oslo 99%
    Bergen 97%
    Trondheim 93%
    Lillehammer: 91%
    Tromso: 90%
    Redditch: 1.7%
    Wycombe: 1.4%

    Perhaps that is a little more realistic.
     
  19. Hehehe that high a percentage!!! :D
     
  20. Its a scientific, statistical analysis of the subject, so therefore must be 100% accurate! :wink:
     

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