You may be a Taliban IF...


1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbour's goat.


In the clear:

I make sloe gin and have a moral objection to heroine
I have shoes but only 2 12-gauge shotguns
I have more teeth than my wife.....
I love bacon sarnies, use paper to wipe
I haven't worn a vest for years
Make love, not jihad
TV IS dangerous - if it's in a tree and falls....
I call and text on my phone
Mrs DE handles interior decorating issues
Every man should have ONLY one woman. That's plenty.
Bathing is only fun when someone else is there to scrub your back
My neighbour keeps chickens


Lantern Swinger
1. Leave my poppy fields alone, infidel

2. Shoes are the devil's work

3. Why should this concern you? I trade you a wife for your camels.

4. Insallah, I shall not pollute myself with the pig-products of the infidel Prophet-cartoon-producing Danish nation

5. My mum tells me the red of the dynamite suits my complexion...

6. I declare a jihad on you!

7. I am waiting for the day I get near Davina McCall...

8. I particularly like using my cellphone to check my "Face-hidden-by-Burqua-book"...

9. The Bin-Ladens at cave 42 have done lovely things with the camoflague-net curtains

10. You'll be saying they should have rights, next!

11. What is this infidel nonsense? I never wash

12. My goat has a beautiful soul...
Sapphire wrote: "Own 9 pairs of shoes, 7 stilettos, 4 open toed peep sandals, 8 pairs of flip-flops, and a pair of Boden Pink floral wellington boots"

I may have more teeth than wives, but Mrs DE out does you on the shoe front. Her wellies have hand bags on - guess what else she's got lots of?

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