You can choose your friends but not your family

Distanced myself some years ago from my family oop North fcuking pagans. Anyway wifeys last remaining family pithched up for Sunday lunch Brother and mother, couple of beers at the pub while I prepped scran Bros on the Stella, Mum in law on the brandy, some good friends popped by unannounced well Bro kicks in on Skype and has the most verbal foul mouthed argument with his bitch in Guernsey, Trout in Law gets into the Brandy and starts wandering the house slagging every fcuker off for being snobby bastards.
Friends nice but so fcuking embarrased don't think we will see them again anytime soon lovelly nice people and I only tolerate the wifes mum cos when she pops the house is ours any similar experiences guys???
6 brothers and 3 sisters Stan, and surprise surprise I only get on with one brother and one sister, I could go on but I would have to write another book.
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Lantern Swinger
Yea I've got one, a brother in law, plays the benefit system to it's hilt. Hasn't worked for years but can go down the pub 2 or 3 nights a week and smoke cigars all day. We pay his rent and poll tax (whatever it's called these days), and he swans around like lord shite.
I'm exiled from my point of conception and live amongst er indoors charmless crew, they think I'm posh cos I eat with a knife and fork and dont lift my leg when I fart
Family I can do without!

Got cousins in Yorkshire that make Scrooge look like a philanthropist! Miserable tight fisted gits! Got absolutly nothing in common with them so leave them well alone. Got a christmas card from them this year .... one of those 2 x 2 inch charity cards .... didn't even write in it and the only way I knew it was them was because of the postmark ... suits me ... guess they are going to get it back this year!


War Hero
Book Reviewer
I knew of a bloke who was rumoured to have got his sister to give him a blow job. It's probably true. She was fucking howling mind but was not shy when it came to the sex thing. She could suck start the space shuttle that one.
My eldest Bother believes as he is the eldest what he says goes?
My Sister has always been a self-centred centre of attention seeking spoilt brat, nothing’s changed
My younger brother stung himself up in prison, that’s another story
After my parents crossed the bar I have had no reason to go to Derby.
My mother made my sister the executer of her will (executioner more like) as she thought I lived to far away. Funny thing is my sister 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] by age does not believe that the eldest should get everything or males should come before females, so we knew we would see sod all. First she gave herself sole access to parents house (older brother written out by mother other recipient young nephew and Niece from young brother) until I arrived strange anything of known value had gone?
She even charged mother small estate £500 for travel and out of pocket expenses? She claimed at least 1 trip to house every day, when in mothers last year she made the trip across Derby once, and that was on one of my visits, probably thought everyone was like her. Siblings F***** um
My wife’s sibling live on the other side of Plymouth, we only see them when they want something, unless we visit them.
What I find strange is that in both families it really is families at war, they are always bitching or not speaking to one and other.
The wife and I keep to ourselves and refuse to get dragged into family squabbles, so we are the only family members from both sides who are welcomed on any of the doorsteps.
Nothing as odd as folk and then there is family
Family life.

My family are all dead, apart from me. Zilch brothers/sisters, so the one I got
that came with baggage is the one I have and I guess I'll have to be satisfied
with that.

Sometimes they get on my tits, and sometimes they REALLY get on my tits.

Seeing as I am the ONLY husband that's stuck around for 21 years (both
step-daughters binned theirs and wife binned her first one) - I must be
doing something correctly.....fuck knows what that is, but hey-ho, that's
life as Esther "Fucking Big Teeth" Rantzen would say.

I only ever really get called out when the grandkids are awaiting collection
from the police station or if Mother-in-law has wandered off in her nightie
and got the bus to Paignton....that sort of stuff.

None of 'em understand my sense of humour, and when I came home from
duty once and said to the wife "Alright then dog-breath?", in a sort of
loving way, she didn't speak to me for a week.

It was fu**ing heaven.

Yours Friendlessly,

My mates sister used to give him a blowjob on a regular basis I asked if they would adopt me but they told me to fcuk of besides I didn't have red hair and you know what they say about red hair = red on the roof smelly on the hoof


War Hero
Book Reviewer
I get on well with both of my brothers and 3 of my 4 sisters, the other one's a bit mad and tends to do one's head in.:-?
The wife on the other hand has nothing to do with her folks (joy!)

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