Yorkshire folk

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#1
those of you not from Yorkshire , you may need to think about these ...



Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist,

"Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies, "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?




Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs.
Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.
Police say the dangerous practice is called "E by gum"



A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us"


A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet, he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to
remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"


Yorkshireman: "No, yer daft bugger, I want it chewin' a bone!"
 
#2
My old fella did his teachers training in York when he came out of the Gordons after the war. In his words 'Yorkshire folk are the salt of the earth, speak their minds and what you see is what you get, nothing like those shifty southerners'.
 
#4
Southern teacher working in Yorkshire, walking down the corridor sees little Tommy carrying a big pile of cardboard.

"Hello Tommy, where are you going with that big pile of cardboard?"

"T`bin Miss"

"I beg your pardon"

"Sorry Miss to the bin Miss"

Several other kids same conversation.

Concerned that the bin may overflow and be a health hazard she sees the Headmaster and asks

"Excuse me Head master, where's the bin?"

"T`Lav whires thar bin?"
 
#9
When undergoing my prison officer training at Wakefield I sampled" Northern Hospitality " to the limit, and did a lot of shagging on the Peacock Estate and alfresco on "T moors" Oh hallo dear this was before I met you honestly.
 
#11
Fixed that for you.

South Island and long may it remain so ;P
My graterful thanks Tops ... my excuse is that its Monday and the mong spelling checker for some reason is tits up!

Mind ... this last weekend on my forray to the Mainland I would have loved a bridge instead of being stuck on a ferry crowded with screaming kids who should have been locked in the fwd chain locker for the duration of the trip and the dribbling piss stained tinsel and turkey SAGA louts who are invading by the coachload at the moment!
 
#12
True story.

On honeymoon with Mrs S the second, we had gone to Levkas, usual routine as soon as we reached our accom we dumped the bags and headed for a beachfront bar. Was stood at the outside hatch waiting for barman to deliver 2 pints, inside bar was Essex man, all 6'-5'' of him with massive beer gut who looked as if he had had quite a sesh. On hearing my accent he burbles.......'Ere....r u English ?'', 'No am from Yorkshire'
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#14
Yeah but the buggers can get around the Tamar to Pointy Head Land if they go far enough ... at least the Solent is complete ... no bridges and the only way across is exhorbitant ferry prices!
They've stopped most of the Northeners going across ever since they put the total ban on Whippets and Ferrets on the ferry
 
#15
There was always a jar of pickled whippets tails ont bar when I was a lad, gave you summat to gnaw on cum closing time and yous was faced wi a long stagger ome through t swamps
 
#19
My old man was one of them Yorky types, int winter Put wood in ole im not made of money, was his common cry and he'r hech love what's that
 
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