Writing home to Mum.


Book Reviewer
Wasn't really sure where to put this but here is as good as anywhere.

Seeing all the queries from those either just joined or joining soon I thought some advice on keeping in contact with Mum might be useful.

Postcards are the only way, usually with a foreign Sunset on them. Always write in the largest handwriting you can manage, Capitals all the way through are acceptable.

Always buy and write the Card when sober, however much She loves you She won't want to know what a good sh.g you had, or were, on your latest run ashore.

DEAR MUM (add Dad if you know who He is)

DEAR MUM (as above)

In the above example Cold, Wet, Rough etc can be sustituted for Hot.

There are various variations on the theme, don't be to detailed, Mum will worry if you tell her to much. Don't make it sound to good or the family might fly out and join you.
Always keep Mum sweet you still need a bed when you are on leave, until you learn how to fix yourself up properly.


Lantern Swinger
Don't forget to tell her that your wallet fell overboard during a RAS with all your cash in it, and can she send some out to you....
But whatever you do, don't subscribe to link families organisation, that can really drop you in it, especialy if you are married and fancy a night out on return to base port without telling the old ball and chain. You will be grassed up.
Heard some right horror stories from this service...


Dear Mum ,got none,send some ,love Son,
Usually got the cash when putting a X on back of envelope.
Dear Dad was a different dit.


Lantern Swinger
My brother, ex pusser's chef, standard postcard to our mum :
Dear Mum & Dad,
Hope you are well
I am.


Book Reviewer
I was almost embarassed, I got back from a twelve month stint in the WI got home and Mum eventually produced every postcard I had sent her, in my defence it worked out to more than one a month (just) but I was horrified to see that most of them had similar pics on the front and very similar words on the back.
Mum didn't care, bless Her, Her boy had remembered to write home, just how forgiving can these Ladies be.


"Dear Son, what's the Andrew like?"

"Dear Mum, it's a Ba***rd!"

"Dear Son, so are you - crack on!"
Late in my tour with the USMC, I was promoted and reasigned to our air wings headquarters and maintenance squadron, as a shop supervisor. Being the dutiful son I was, I wrote my mom to tell her the good news. This was her reply:

"oh son. I'm not sure that's a good idea. Dont they have someone else that can do it?"

I showed it to my CO and NCOIC, and they spent half the day rolling on the floor.
In reply to bootneck yank,when i was promoted to probationary,acting local steward class three, my mum said,be kind to your men.
I recall copying my first letter home, from the blackboard, with a fearsome Chief looking on, making sure there were no dissenters.

Dear Mum,
I have just joined the Royal Navy and now hold the rank of Junior Seaman. Having a great time here.
Yours loving son, Noz.

What I wanted to write was:

Dear Mum,
I don't like it here. You and Dad were right! I want to come home.


Something a mum likes to remember and tell everyone

Her son crying on the phone that he did not want to be made to volenteer to go in boats cors he was scared (and wasn't I glad she told me and I could remind him) and he wanted her to stop it happening cors every mum knows an admiral or 2

Things she does not understand

That her 17 year old son proved he was a man and loved her by having a tattoo of a heart, bluebird and mum and dad that he then tried to hide from her.


Lantern Swinger
In the good old days of Lex Word Processing on ships I managed to send the same "holding" letters to about seven relatives. Only went tits up when I sent one to my (ex) girlfriend. Well, she wasn't ex at the time, but once she'd compared her letter to everyone else's, she dropped me faster than the padre drops an overage steward.

And 18 years later, Mum still has hers and takes great delight in boring the kids with the same story on a fortnightly basis. If she keeps showing signs of Alzheimers, I'm going to have to get the shotgun down from the loft.


It is the letters that you do not write.

My dear late husband joined Ganges at 15 and at 17 he decided the time had come to show that he was a man and this meant a tattoo.

Now what tattoo? No problem he would both prove he was a man and honour his parents with a heart, bluebirds and 'Mum & Dad' (years later this became a slodge)

For some reason he forgot to write to his mum to tell her of the honour he bestowed on her and it was a couple of year before he would even wear a short sleaved shirt when he visited her. And when he did the silly woman did not understand the honour.

Mums (I am one of them) should only be told what they can understand. It is a mum's job to do the understanding. Now be brave and tell MUMMY ALL ,YOU KNOW YOU WILL FEEL BETTER
Waffled to my Mum about where I was during desert storm, pussers mail with BFPO London stamp so you couldn't be traced.
Anyway, got well and truly dobbed in by CNN..... Get out of that one lofty.
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