Witty RN Comparisons


Lantern Swinger
Mouth like the inside of :

An Aboriginal witch doctor's shami leather ju ju bag.
A Sudanese camel keepers second hand stand-easy tent.
Ted Tuckerman's worm bucket. ( Old Guzz hands will remember "tight lines" Ted ! )

I could eat a scaby camel between two pissed stained Salvation Army mattresses

The wife :

Legs like downcomers, tits like reply gongs and a face like a telegraph failure.
A longer one is:

"I love her so much, I would crawl naked over broken glass just to sniff the exhaust fumes
of the transit van that took her nickers to her personal laundromat"
When being asked about the young lady he was seen leaving the nightclub with:

Well, I wouldn't say she was a dog - but she had a hand like a werewolf's paw.
You lie like a pusser's menu.

A minge like a carthorse's collar.

She's had enough cock to make a handrail for the Victory.

No sea too rough - no muff too tough.

You can always tell a Mechanician, just don't tell him too much.
I hope everyone gets my drift with this thread; I think there must be hundreds of these witty Royal Navy comparisons. It would be great to see them posted here to rekindle some old Jack Speak memories. Here's two to get you started;

1) More time off than Rip Van Winkle's bunk light!! :D

2) As smooth as a crocodile's Entering Harbour Suit!! :D

Can you think of any more?
She has a Pudendum like a Bowline on the Bight
Mess deck farter :- He needs a pull through with a Christmas tree.
Mouth like an Arabs armpit.
Buck toothed girl:- She could eat an apple through a tennis racket.