Witty RN Comparisons


War Hero
1. 'Like opening the window and ******* the world'

"See that Kerry Katona, I bet it's ... "

2. 'Like the end of an exploding cigar.'

"Christ. I've just got back from Amsters on the Gigantic. Me knob's ... "

3. 'Blood on your toilet paper.'

"See that Mighty Boosh? It's about as funny as ... "

4. 'A fat lass's shoe'

"**** me. Scran tonight was ACE. I'm as full as ... "

5. 'The cat sicked up'

"**** me. Scran tonight was gash. It looks like summat ... "



War Hero
1. 'Barry White's shit on Boxing Day'

"Seen that new Steward? She's as dense as ... "

2. 'Burning shore cable/mattress/fender'

"Mate. You need to go and squeeze your head. That last fart smells like you've swallowed a ... "

3. 'Jocky Wilson with mumps'

"Have you seen Smudge's missus's pics on his buggery board? She looks like ..."

4. 'Wombles noses'

"Christ. The splitarse wafoo is bronzying on the scupper. She's got tits like ... "

5. 'Map of Africa'

"Buster's just changed his hay in his pit. Have you seen his mattress? It's been swamped that many times, it looks like a ... "

6. 'Office microwave'

"See that Michelle Keegan? Bet she's as dirty as the ... "

Try to imagine yourself as one half of Siamese twins. Your other half was gay,
you were straight - and you only had one knob and one arse between the two of you.
Now there's a predicament.


Lantern Swinger
She had piss flaps like the bomb bay doors on a Badger D.
He was bouncing around like a young gazelle.
Had a face like a:
slapped arse
bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
bulldog chewing a bumblebee.
Waffling like a three badge rock ape.
Didn’t know Nelson but his Granddad was a bastard.
Say what to me? You’ll be saying whoopee to the Skipper next.
You’ve got lots of will power – it’s the won’t power that’s lacking.
As much use as a one legged man in a bum kicking contest.
As much use as a one armed paper hanger.
When I die I want to go hanging – hanging out of you ‘cos I think you're essence.
Who's was that fart? Yours if you get it DCd.


War Hero
1. 'Two legged spider and a whiff of smoke'

"Mate, I've been wanking so much, me last **** shot was a ... "

2. 'Tired Alsatian's mouth'

"Your old mum's snatch is like a ... "

3. 'Nagasaki sunset'

"Have you seen trap three in the after heads? It looks like a ..."

4. 'Teddy's Leg'

"Gangway, you bastards! Need a shit and it's coming out like a ... "

She has got the "Body off Baywatch
Face off Crimewatch,"
I knew Max Jaffa when he was only a Tangerine.
He got his Killicks rate before the HOOK of Holland.
If brains were made of Rubber he would not have enough to make a Flip Flop for a one legged budgie!