WIND UPS AND CONTRACTS

Is the modern navy as much fun as the navy of yesteryear


  • Total voters
    754

Oberons_Knob

Midshipman
Come on then chaps, you must have seen some good wind ups in your time. Did you have the facility to take out a "contract" on someone who had p1ssed you off?

On one of the boats i was on, three cans of McEwans on the TG Tiff's toolbox and the name of the victim was enough to see them sorted out.

Two in particular spring to mind.

1. A certain senior rate had upset one of the JRs and the required 3 cans of beer were left. Knowing that we were due to parade in No1s at our next run ashore the TG Tiffs injected battery acide into the seams of the victim's bezzy suit so, when he got dressed for the parade the suit fell aprt into its component bits around him on the deck.

2. The skipper insisted on a church service every Sunday and would sound the general alarm before the broadcast announcing the service. He also had a "band" consisting of a trumpet a cornet and a trombone play at the servixe which kep the whole crew awake during church. Again the three cans of beer were left on the toolbox and all of the instruments were systematically squashed flat in the donk shop vice and placed neatly back into their cases. No more band!

What wind ups and pay backs have you seen in your time?
 
The battery acid gag has been around for a long time 1967 on T Boat the Navigator had upset the troops who did the acid bit on his blue suit and the welts of his back shoes. He did not have much of a uniform to wear when we docked in Bergen.

Never heard on any contract work back in the 60's

I am shorlty to welcome to my home for a short visit an Oz. RAN UC who did his part three on that same T Boat. His relief on the watch coming on was notorious for being late. Just before 3am Surfie appears out of the sound room and offers to shake the incoming watch. Unusual we thought but OK. Surfie then goes straight to his reliefs bunk, who whilst still asleep, found his nose spread all over his face. Never late again.

Nutty
 

Deeps

War Hero
We had a TAS lad on Repulse called ''Beaker'' . The sound room told him that ''due to Repulse being nuclear powered the eletricity was radioactive .
He wore sunbed goggles when he was in is bunk to read, because the radioactive rays discharged from his bunk light would make him go blind .
He carried this on even after he past his PT3 and had his Dolphins .
You can imagine what type of bloke poor ''Beaker'' was .
 

sidon55

Lantern Swinger
Whilst standing for the wardroom steward on the Thorough, the Skipper ask how things were going . So said apart from one of them using his plate as an ashtray, Ok. Skipper said then use the ash tray as his plate. (They had a very large brass one) Needless to say he hit the roof when this happened so the skipper set him straight. Never any problems after that.
 

Jack_Spratt

Midshipman
In the 70 on Narwhal, the outgoing steward was pissed off with the wardroom and his final act was to nail a couple of frozen kippers
underneath the wardroom table. Permeated the whole boat after a few days
 
We had a fella on Revenge who washed out the fish tanks in the JRs Dining room with soap and water and then forgot to rinse it off with freshwater,so when all the fish were put back in the tanks they all died within 4 hours!!

He was getting malicious anonymous phone calls just saying "Murderer" for the next 7 weeks of patrol,didnt go as far as putting a contract out on him though!!
 

Oberons_Knob

Midshipman
On Reso there was one bloke who was always late for his watch

His opposite number got thoroughly hacked off with it and one morning he got a shake.

An escape suit was thrown on his bunk with the last man vent cap and the words.

"Didn't you hear the general alarm? You're last man!"

He ran into the forends white as a sheet and struggling into his escape suit to find the whole crew in the JR's dining room laughing at him. He wasn't late again!
 
Jack_Spratt said:
In the 70 on Narwhal, the outgoing steward was pissed off with the wardroom and his final act was to nail a couple of frozen kippers
underneath the wardroom table. Permeated the whole boat after a few days
To continue Sidon's Buckwheat story, after two days they found the said Kipper and gave Buckwheat a hard time on his return from leave. Next leave he placed another kipper into the Wardroom ventilation punka louver. After a week and no response to telegrams they sent the local Police to Buckwheat's. On his return the incident was not mentioned.

Buckwheat, one of the few if not only man to have a certificate to say say he was sane, a Legend in his own lifetime.

Nutty
 

MightyCrash

Badgeman
We once told a poor steward that on your birthday you got a bath in the Captains Cabin. He was thrilled! He turned up in his towel (with us behind the bulkhead), knocked on the skippers door and asked for his bath. We of course (incluing the Pusser) came round the corner with a birthday cake for him. The best bit of course was - safeguard all clips - the skipper let him have the bath! He spun us the dits later how he had relieved himself in the bath and put more hairs in the soap then were on his head! We were all very amused...


...except the skippers steward of course!
 

Jack_Spratt

Midshipman
Back in the 70s or 80s (cant remember date now the memorys going) Olympus had a very dodgy fin and Cachalot was going for scrap with a good fin. It was decided to remove the fin from Cachalot and stick it on Olympus. As we then became a mixture of Olympus and Cachalot somebody cut both crests in half and we became Olympalot or Cachapus depending on which one you were looking at.
 

diesel

Lantern Swinger
spearfish said:
Do you get a dodgy fin by hitting a dodgy object?
I remember the incident well. We were alongside Dolphin in Oberon and the duty watch took the boat to sea with some inboard crowd I was DLH.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Doing an icex and transitting under the Pole us back afties put a dit out saying due to the earths magnetic field being so strong, digital watches etc would be effected. Come the day at least 6 people had bitten and taped their watches to the degaussing MG iaw with the dit we put out.
 

trelawney126

War Hero
Oodles of bites when 824sqn put out a dit when we were in Naples Old Ark.
Aerial tours of the Spaghetti Fields in Bolognasia! :lol:

Did however have one chap injured when doing the Maltese Dog Shoot! Still can't bring myself to look a daschound in the eye. They're really vicious

Edit to add Wrecker can I have my Rolex Submariner back now :wink:
 

IDOITDEEPER

War Hero
diesel said:
spearfish said:
Do you get a dodgy fin by hitting a dodgy object?
I remember the incident well. We were alongside Dolphin in Oberon and the duty watch took the boat to sea with some inboard crowd I was DLH.
Actually the dodgy fin on Olympus was caused due to the fact that the 1st Lieutenant, a chap by the name of V.......N B......Y fell asleep whilst on watch on the after periscope. Spookily in the English channel off Portland there tend to be many ships that can run you over. One did.

Have a nice day
IDOITDEEPER
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
trelawney126 said:
Oodles of bites when 824sqn put out a dit when we were in Naples Old Ark.
Aerial tours of the Spaghetti Fields in Bolognasia! :lol:

Did however have one chap injured when doing the Maltese Dog Shoot! Still can't bring myself to look a daschound in the eye. They're really vicious

Edit to add Wrecker can I have my Rolex Submariner back now :wink:
Aaah...I was going to talk to you about that :oops:
 

BARNEYRNSM

War Hero
We hit a panamainian cement freighter on the roof on staff college sea days,on way back in to pompey,headlines on the Sun next day,I think it was"Sailors heard a loud bang followed by swearing!" Wanted to get "we survived "T shirts made up to annoy all those left inboard but never got round to it!
 
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