Lantern Swinger
One day, the wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom having sex with a very attractive woman. Understandably, the wife was very upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me, a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you, I want a divorce straight away!"

"But hang on a minute luv" the husband replied "At least let me explain"

"Fine, go ahead" she sobbed "But they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!"

And so he began, "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the dinner I made for you last night, the one you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured it in minutes. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested she took a shower. I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away and gave her those designer jeans you've had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they're too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I found that sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them.."

The husband then took a quick breath and continued, "She was so grateful for my understanding and help, as I walked her to the front door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"