wife up stick and gone crackers help!

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by sweeney, Nov 20, 2006.

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  1. week 15 in the ex golly house and sweeney (D206****) has decided to help his wife attach some pics to an email...

    skates I'm in the sh1t. She is 15 weeks up the stick, and I sh1t you not she is effectively bonkers. I mean proper MO certified bonks. Okay, she is from the far east and is part Kazakh, but that cannot be the whole answer. She just did a 1 women e-enactmen of the opening salvo at Jutland! 8O 8O 8O

    Just because I didn't put the pics on in the right order! WTF? How many weeks do women remain up the stick until "crash on deck, 1 sprog, 4 spot"... I cannot cope with all this. Anybody want to put me up for a bit? I can bring me own EW tasking graph paper. Failing that has anybody got any advice that will get wifey & me through it or is just a case of on anti flash? This is sprog no.1 btw...
  2. Yep, Assume NBCD State 1 condition Zulu for the next 5 months. There is a chance of a lull, allowing action messing, between months 6-9. Possibility of a week’s stand off at the 9 month stage (subject to visiting hours) followed by about 2 1/2 years of defence watches.
    PS forgot to mention the FOST (Nursery & Cots) inspection at about 8 months.
  3. She's probably a bit over reactive cos the baby is on its way and her body is changing to accommodate the growth of the baby.

    Have you got any female relations close by that she can talk to--its all womans stuff and men don't really have a clue about things that she probably wants to talk about.

    With my wife it was about the only time that the Mother in law was ever useful :lol: :lol:
  4. Just get her sectioned by a friendly CPN.LOL
  5. My advice go to sea, 18 month commission, on return, problem solved, you can always blame drafty.
  6. sweeny it is me me me with you men!

    Perhaps your wife is concerned about her changing shape, that perhaps you will go off her, that she is scared. Her hormones are raging and it is your job to make her feel wanted and loved. May I suggest the following

    1. an unexpected gift of a bunch of flowers for no reason than she is your little sweetums
    2. Take her to her favourite restuarant, or if funds are tight cook her fave meal, do the washing up and bring her cups of coffee all night whilst she watches her favourite TV programme or vid
    3. if the above fails try a diamond bracelet.
    4. Finally shut up whining and accept that EVERYTHING is your fault.
  7. If she threatens to slide the bread knife between your ribs............ believe her!
  8. All looks pretty good advice, especially 4.
  9. Sweeny

    It is all down hill from the point of conception and there is no certainty that that was brilliant. If you are lucky and have a daughter you will initially suffer between the ages of 12 and 18 when puberty kicks in but just accept that they are on the Planet Zog and do not attempt any contact.
    The up side is at 18 they go off to Uni and never come back home to live.
    With a son you have all the problems of a slob in the house plus, unless you can get him to join up he will still be with you in 30 years time.

  10. Definition of a child:

    For one night of pleasure a lifetime of grief...

  11. You could take her to your favourite chippy and instead of bringing home the fish and chips - sit at the table at the chippy. Quality
    Or Macdonalds for breakfast (urgh)

  12. Had this problem 5 times never solved this problem (mad as a bucket of fish)come to think of it never found out what was causing it!!!!
  13. er I think the answer is in there somewhere - 5 times!!!! that's doing more than your bit ... :roll:
  14. Thanks for all the errr "advice" comrades. All good except the bit about the diamond bracelet. Normal service seemed to have resumed this morning, so I guess its a case of just sitting tight and seeing what will happen.

    Clearly now isn't a good time t o invite all me mates over for a huge piss up!
  15. You try carrying a baby for 9 months, with the uncomfortable ness of it, the mood swings, body changes and then squeezing something the size of a rugby ball out the size of a golf ball.

    Would you be moody??
  16. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Bloody hell JD how many have you had
  17. Reminds me of the question-What is more painfull, Childbirth or a Kick in the nuts.

    Answer-A Kick in the nuts. Once youv'e had one, you don't want another.
  18. J-D

    That is far to much information for soft souls like us.


    Soon you will enter the realm of morning sickness your fun is only just getting under way. Do not relax it is like a volcano its goes off without warning. You could of course stop paying your poll tax and get banged up for a few months.

  19. Thanks for telling us how the female parts are sized, now we all know what you girls get up to. Size of a golf ball hey.
  20. Put it this way, it won't be the size of a golf ball afterwards.............not unless you get extra stitches.

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