Why you kicka my dog

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Mar 13, 2010.

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  1. I got this cnut of a dog that I bought for my daughter a few years ago, now she's off and joined the mob and I'm stuck with the little bastard. He pisses everywhere and no matter what I try he doesn't learn tried the rubbibg nose in it, pepper, treating him when he has a swamp when Im out walking him. Yesterday was the final straw - new carpet, he put his fcuking signature on it 15 minutes after I brought him home from a walk. I am convinced in his previous life he was either a submariner or a regulator. Went to tan his black hairy arse and the fcuker bit me first.
    Mrs S believes he can do no wrong, he sleeps on her side of the bed and I get confused in the middle of the night because the smell of their breath is uncannily similar - neither of them take it up the shitter either (at least not from me).
    Advice please,
  2. If your dog won't follow your rules, it says bundles about your leadership qualities.
  3. you need to show your the person in charge, try this we did and it worked. next time he does a naughty place your hand on the top of his head ( like a dog would do in a fight) and pinch the side the side of his body, not hard, but hard enough so he knows. dont forget to raise your voice too.

    hope this helps
  4. Fcuk me dogs have rules??? you will be telling me next that your not a cnut
  5. Ta mate I think I read somewhere that a dog has no memory as such so you have to catch the fecker swamping then admonish him with a cricket bat
  6. 2-3weeks of memory, after that they remember you by scent.
  7. I wonder if he will remember the effect of the electrodes that are now connected to his testes.You can take the kid out of the council house but you can't take the council house ot of the kid.
  8. Stan, I hate to break it to you but the little I've learned about dogs, they like to have one master.....and, tragically,it sounds as if your Mrs. is it. Without casting criticism on her at all, she's the one whom your wee mon appears to have attached himself to, for whatever reason and you, pal, have been left to tend the cat or equivalent. Sleeping on hers, or anyone elses side of the bed has to stop as does letting the dog on the sofa etc. Dogs must NOT be allowed to sit on a level with humans as they will try to dominate. Has Mutley replaced your daughter in your wife's affections because it appears as if your pooch regards you as competition.'Two males, one house' syndrome.

    To make any effectual change I'd suggest you get your Mrs on board.Try Cesar Wotsisname (The Dog Whisperer) DVD and book. It talks alot about female energy and the power that sends out subliminally (sp?) to animals. Mock yea not, the man knows his stuff.

    Failing that, or spousal co-operation, I'd quietly talk to your local dog training school or The Dogs Trust, they are pretty good.

    Growing up with 4 dogs, I appreciate they have characters and not every pooch turns out to be man's best friend, but please do remember they follow human leads. It's a bit like the old adage, 'A student's only as good as the teacher'......none of us are born experts about animals so be patient all round. We had a dog we had to rehome because of behavioural effects on the whole household,it's not easy. If pooch has learned bad habits, he can learn good ones too . On a final, sensitive note, has he had his knackers knacked because having ball means that he may be hormonally affected ?

    Good luck, keep us posted
  9. Dogs will follow any rules you set; if you can't set them, that's your fault, not his.

    On the memory thing, you must be confusing dogs with goldfish or dabbers. Dogs remember the lessons they are taught, but you can't say to a dog "Do you remember that little incident yesterday when you pissed on my new carpet?" and expect them to understand. Your actions need to take place at the time of the unwanted behaviour so that your dog can link your action with his action.

    And, for the record, it is generally acknowledged that I am a cunt, so your comment serves to do nothing other than remind anyone who may have forgotten (goldfish, dabbers, dogs, etc) that you too are one.
  10. How do people actually know that!?
  11. Dunno... can't remember :roll:
  12. My advice, get rid and buy a hamster
  13. Toloohah good advice I have had dogs all my life and really never had a problem until this little fecker arrived I think its spot on about the dog/missus thing. So I have booked them both in for being put down first thing Monday morning he's a good vet you even get the ashes in a little display case. Think I will mix them both together and they can stay with each other forever and I will fcuk off to Thailand on the insurance payout.
  14. Well at least we agree on something Joe
  15. So, by all the information given so far, it seems your Missus is the Gaffer.

    Next time the little barsteward dumps on the carpet, try rubbing her nose in it, just to encourage her to sort it out.
  16. Streaky that gets my vote best advice ever :D
  17. If the dog ain't playing by the rules, it's the 'naughty step time'.............well, not so much as step. He poops/pees on something he's no supposed to, give him the angry face and dominant NO then lead him out somewhere, maybe into a pen or garden.

    Or just watch 'The Dog Whisperer'. Failing either of these, find yourself a short gray haired Mexican who is trying to convince everyone he is straight or move out............
  18. What about leading him to the gas chamber
  19. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Take one 12 bore shotgun, load it and shoot the Missus, then the dog will have no option but to acknowledge you as his master
  20. Tell me again why I fcuking love thise site :salute:

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