Why is it?

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by drewfester, Dec 11, 2014.

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  1. Thought I would start a thread were you can ask all these niggly stupid questions you have and hopefully get a decent or stupid answer

    I'll start with this

    Why is it when I was onboard I would have a shower so hot it would strip skin off, but at home it has to be luke warm or its too hot?

    Also why is it that a dockyard matey can string a job out for a fortnight but finish it in an evening when he's on overtime?
  2. Why is it when I'm in the car with Mrs JFH and I say "you need to go left here etc" she replies "yes, I know". But if i don't say anything she'll have a go because I didn't tell her?

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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  3. Purple_twiglet

    Purple_twiglet War Hero Moderator

    Why is it that when my builders go 'it'll take 3 weeks' I'm still waiting for them to finish my kitchen 10 weeks later?
  4. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Why is it that when women say "I'm feeling kinky. Treat me like a whore" that they go cunting mental when you tell them to shake their titties and ass and then pimp them out to a travelling basketball team from Harlem?

    You can't fucking win.
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  5. Why is it when Senior Officers ask me to "Be honest in your asessment." They then get a bit flappy when I use the word 'Cunt'?
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  7. And another thing......
  8. That one is easy - you are now paying for the leccy / gas!!!!!
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  9. Why is it that a fucking shed load of dosh has been spent on sending a space-ship to that comet far away in outer space in order to find out exactly were all the water on Earth came from, and now they've just found out
    that the comet has a "different type of water from us".
    Listen up boffins.
    The MESOZIC era on Earth consisted of three periods of time known as the TRIASSIC, the JURASSIC
    and the CRETACEOUS periods...which added together makes up about 185 million years. This is the
    approximate time-span that dinosaurs walked the Earth.
    Now, one hundred and eighty five million years of dinosaurs fuckin' pissing all over the place formed the
    seas and oceans...it got filtered and sucked up by the heat of the sun and re-dumped back in a slightly
    cleaner condition. Repeat like forever and there's your answer.
    Earths water supply was originally dinosaur piss.
    I could've saved them theoretical astro physicists a fuckin' fortune.
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  10. Why is it that when the wife is cooing over someone's new baby and it farts she says "Oh, listen to him" and giggles. YOU fart in her presence and its "You can stop that right now you dirty sod!"
  11. Same deal when you piss or vomit on them.
  12. True Monty, it's a classic case of double standards...
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  13. I posted something about that a while ago, how if the baby can piss, shit or spew it's a case of "aah, bless him" but scroll forward 30 years and you do it and your the devil's spawn!
  14. True , I had had a pretty heavy DTS followed by greasy fish and chips and honked all over wifes head on the job , after cleaning herself up and changed the sheets she went ballistic when I tried to remount.
  15. Strange creatures, wimmin!
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  16. Seadog

    Seadog War Hero Moderator

    Why is it that 'dockyard mateys' worship cock? Ships in refit or build have their new and repaired kit covered up with cardboard and maskers by way of 'protection'. Much of the cardboard is covered with graffiti representations of cocks. It's an almost 'lost tribe ' thing going on. The practice, the close contact, the attention to detail...really really poofy. From 23s in refit to the carriers in build, if they are in dockyard hands, there are corridors, compartments and stairwells of cock to navigate and wonder.
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  17. They should write that as part of an RN recruiting advert on bottles of Blue WKD, recruitment issues = gone.
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  18. Dockyard mateys' cock cartoons are a tradition seemingly as old as the navy itself. Does anyone remember number one bog in Chatham dockyard? In 1973 the mateys refused to repaint the 'business' side of the door as it would mean covering up probably the world's finest collection of ditties and cock drawings including the infamous flying fid 'Zaab One'.
  19. I was told that many years ago dockyard mateys' lavatory facilities included a line of traps/cubicles ( not sure whether with or without doors, or even half-doors) with a simple water flow trough system which removed the waste from one end to the other and thence, probably, into the harbour. The said mateys would retire for a leisurely read of their newspaper of choice whilst performing their natural functions. It was also alleged that Jack would enter the building and insert a paper boat made out of newspaper into the trough at the upstream end - having lit it first.

    Firstly, can anyone confirm this ever happened?

    And secondly, in accordance with the theme of this thread, why is it that Jack would do this?
  20. Because it's worth it.

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