Why is it .................

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by MG Maniac, Sep 6, 2012.

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  1. Why is it that when a ship stops in a foreign port and the crew scatter like marbles, get absolutely rat arsed ... they can normally always find their way back on board from fcuking miles away!??????

    Why is it when you are ashore in some god forsaken boondock that no one in their right mind would go to ... theres always one sod on the ship who actually knows someone there???????????????
  2. Because we're well trained Matelots

    Every turn of the shaft is a new adventure. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  3. Fast Black?
  4. Thats no way to talk about Rummers!

  5. Not that Fast Black but this Fast Black.

  6. That would have been, slack black
  7. Who said they always found their way back smartarse?
    You've been mixing with the wrong sorts
  8. It cost £37.50 to fly from Nice to Malta in 1968, when you missed the ship by going to Toulon instead of nice when travelling from Monte Carlo.
    It takes fuckin ages to repay even when it was shillings "ten" for weeks.
    Find you're way back fuckin mutter mutter............
  9. OK not so fast Black then
  10. Finding way back no problem, ship being where you left it now that was a problem, some twat moved it?
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Gen dit...we had a Part 3 baby tiff on the boat who missed the sailing (only Guzz to Faslavatory). He turned up on the jetty in Faslane after making his own way and we asked him what he'd thought when he saw the empty jetty, he replied "you bastards are always stitching me up so I thought you'd moved the boat for a bite, when I couldn't find it, I asked someone". Unfortunately he used that as his defence at the table :)
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Down Falklands, we sailed and someone mentioned bods were missing they quickly worked out the football team was still ashore??? due to lack of sea boats, someone replaced with 20mm cannons, launch the rubber dingy and ferry back slowly. Skipper calls PTI, asked who authorized you to take FT/B team ashore, you did sir, very good carry on
  13. A ship and/or submarine is more than likely to be in some WATER which usually means that you drunken bufoons are not having a pissed up run ashore in some land-locked country....THEREFORE it would seem to me to be fu**ing simple to burble "Gragghhhh tek us...tek us...tek us to the blarrghhh the dockyard mate..."in whatever pig-English language the taxi driver can be made to understand and he would then chuff off in the general direction of the nearest big place that ships and submarines park in, and then its up to said drunken twats to differentiate between tugboats, ferries, tramp steamers, aricraft carriers and submarines with fu**ing big banners on the gangways that start with the letters *HMS*. Worked for me on a drunken run in Wyoming, USA once. Fu**ing long taxi ride back to Florida mind you.
  14. Cos it's fucking Magic!

    I also love the way Jack can stagger all the way through the dock yard. Spy the gang way, focus on it, straighten his attire and walk in a straight line, albeit legs wide splayed and head forward!!!! My problem was negotiating the ladder down to the mess. I'm still convinced the QM used to pull a lever and they all flattened to make a slide - ba-tards!!!!!!!!
    • Like Like x 1
  15. It's the red lights.
  16. One of our young OD's coming back from Pompey hardship holiday, flew out to meet us in Gib.
    This part of trip is successful he makes it back onboard Joss gives him new station card, not duty so ashore he goes, 4 hours later shore patrol brings him back, apparently 90 days without alcohol had turned him into a light weight, put to bed in his bunk appointment with joss booked.

    Early hours call from frigate behind us do you have an AB XX as part of your crew, yes he is in his rack pissed, no he is not he was found in a rack on the wrong boat naked, all his civvies were onboard in his own mess?
    How the frig did Houdini get to other boat? obviously did not use any gangways.
    Same OD in Rio found on Civy ship just about to sail in their spud locker, not very sober, how did frikin Houdini do that?
    Same OD Maint period Roosevelt Roads, singing heard from top of Yankee flag mast, for mast read very high electrical pylon surrounded by barbed wire fence, spot lite from ground up with a stuffing great USA flag on top, he was sitting under the flag, yanks "come down" OD "come and get me" Yanks " we will shoot " OD on my way”.
    Except for last one he always managed to find a sea going vessel not always his own?
    You can probably guess why he liked his hardship holidays in Pompey.
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2012
  17. I always found it easier to get back onboard pissed then when I was occasionally sober, instinct takes over.
  18. Remember this strange phenomenon well, the Bas**rds would polish the ladder rails as well
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Did a vertical descent in my skimmer days, not sure what aided it, either the marsovin (we were in Malta) or the fact that I was wearing brothel creepers and I'd had a mishap negotiating the distance between the dghajsa and the jetty and they'd absorbed most of Grand Harbour...feckin' hurt in the morning, never felt a thing at the time though.
  20. As BM there was many a time I had to discreetly follow a pissed up Jack back to their mess just to make sure they got there without killing themselves. On one occasion I had to intervene as one stoker had managed to get on the ladder down to their messdeck and was trying to pull his oppo over the hatch combing head first. Nah, that aint gonna happen :)

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