Why did the Chicken cross the Road

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by The_Caretaker, Sep 7, 2006.

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  1. Why did the chicken cross the road?

    GEORGE W. BUSH
    We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

    COLIN POWELL
    Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
    I envisage a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA
    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    JOHN LENNON
    Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

    ARISTOTLE
    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX
    It was an historical inevitability.

    VOLTAIRE
    I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN
    Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    BILL CLINTON
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

    COLONEL SANDERS
    I missed one?
     
  2. TONY BLIAR

    It was on good authority, backed up by the Intelligence Service, that the chicken was a threat to democracy - and, because I am a pretty straight kind of guy, I decided, along with my fellow cabinet members that this chicken (with his WMD) should not be allowed on this side of the road, therefore we took the necessary steps to ensure that he crossed the road to prevent any future threat to our side.
     
  3. FOGHORN LEGHORN!!

    I say I say..now look hear young fella if your gonna cross the road..I say I say you must use the green cross...I say the green cross code!!!
     
  4. All the other chickens crossed the road and this one didn't want to appear different.
    All chickens cross roads sometimes and since there were lots of chickens around it was just a matter of time before some chicken crossed the road and this chicken was the one.
    Because it felt like it.
    Because it needed the exercise.
    Because it wished to avoid meeting the chicken it saw approaching.
    Because that's what chickens do.
    God ordained from the time of Creation that this chicken should come into the world and should cross the road exactly when it did.
    Having spent days and nights searching its soul the chicken finally decided that it had to cross the road and did so.
    It all depends on what is meant by "chicken", "road" and "cross".
    It got bored.
    It had a death wish.
    It had already crossed the road 999 times that day and wanted to make it 1000.
    It had always been intending to and finally decided today was the day.
    It saw the rooster on the other side and wanted to get laid.
    It wanted a change of scenery.
    It wanted to be famous.
    It wanted to catch the bus into town.
    It wanted to show it was not a chicken.
    It wanted to show it was a mean mother-fuckin' chicken.
    It was a very confused chicken.
    It was caught by a freak gust of wind.
    It was collecting experiences for its next book.
    It was part of a chicken conga line which happened to be crossing the road.
    It was trying out its new pair of roller blades on the asphalt.
    It was trying to find its roots.
    None of the other chickens crossed the road and this chicken wanted to be different.
    The chicken crossed the road because it was daydreaming and did not notice it.
    The chicken had just had its head chopped off.
    The chicken had prayed fervently all night and at dawn Jehovah had told it to cross the road, and the chicken crossed the road, and Jehovah saw, and saw that it was good, and saith unto the chicken, Verily, thou art a rock of Chickrael.
    The chicken was looking for love.
    The chicken was running late and took a short cut.
    The chicken was trying to make a difference.
    The light turned green.
    The Moon became conjunct with the chicken's natal Mars in its fourth house.
    The other chickens dared it to.
    The other chickens told it to piss off.
    The Spirit moved it.
    The time had arrived for this chicken to cross this road.
    This chicken inherited genes predisposing it to cross roads.
    This was a Mormon chicken and it was setting out on its mission.
    To get to the other side.
    Why not?
    All events in the chicken's entire life are fixed in 4-dimensional spacetime and the chicken could not have done anything else at that time (as we see things from within ordinary experience) than what it did; the chicken crossed the road because the chicken's crossing the road has been part of the eternally fixed microstructure of the 4-d block universe from the moment of its creation.
    It was helping to stamp out bugs.
    It was bearing the white chicken's burden.
    It was fulfilling its Manifest Destiny.
    It was doing God's work.
    It was helping to make the world safe for chickocracy.
    It was just following orders.
    It just did.
     
  5. To see his flat mate
     
  6. ...then tragedy struck... it got run over by Sam Dicosta speeding away from a bunch of matelots chasing him from pollar to post, town to town, hedge to sewer, etc. SPLAT. The chicken was dead. No more was the chicken. It was in chicken Heaven (the local Bird Sanctuary). Chicken Hell (KFC) or there was nothing.

    Its death was destiny, or was it something else perhaps?

    O Chicken, where art thou?
     

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