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Who wants to be an American idiot?

lsadirty

War Hero
Classic from an old Darwin Award:
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an aircrash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene, but the lab finally figured out what it was, and what had happened.
It seems this guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) used to give heavy military transports an extra push for taking off from short airfields. He drove his Chevvy Impala out into the desert, found a long, straight stretch of road, attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO.
The facts as best could be determined, are that the operator of the Impala hit the JATO ignition at approximately 3.0 miles from the crash point, ascertained by the prominent scorched and melted asphalt at that location. If operated correctly, the JATO would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevvy to reach speeds well in excess of 350mph, and continuing at full power for an additional 25-30 seconds. The driver (and soon to be pilot) would mostly have experienced G-forces usually reserved for F14 pilots under full afterburner, causing him to be irrevelant for the remainder of the event. However, the car remained on the straight highway for 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tyres, leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the drivers remains were not recoverable, however, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and bone shards were recovered from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
OUCH !!!!!
PS It was calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420 mph !!!!
 
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