who is God?

Discussion in 'The Corps' started by wet_blobby, Feb 18, 2007.

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  1. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    I was given this little ditty many years ago, apologies if it's already been posted and I'm sure our naval collegues can play around with it to suit there own rank structure.


    A general

    Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
    is more powerful than a locomotive
    Is faster than a speeding bullet
    Walks on water, gives policy to God.

    A Colonel

    Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
    Is more powerful than a bull-dozer
    Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
    Wals on water if the sea is calm.

    A Lt Colonel

    Leaps short buildings with a running start and favourable wind.
    Is almost as powerful as a Bull-dozer.
    Is faster than a speeding .22 slug.
    Walks on water in indoor swiming pool.
    Talks with God if special Request is approved.

    A Major

    Barely clears nissen huts
    Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
    Can fire a speeding bullet
    Swims well.
    Is occasionally addressed by God.

    A Captain

    Makes high scratch mark when trying to leap buildings
    Is run over by locomotives.
    can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury.
    Dog paddles.
    Talks to animals.

    A Lieutenant

    Runs into buildings
    Recognises locomotives two out of three times
    is not issued with with ammunition.
    Can stay afloat with proper instruction
    Talks to walls.

    A Second Lieutenant

    Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
    Says look at the choo-choo
    Is not issued with a gun
    Plays in mud puddles
    Mumbles to himself.

    A Non Commisioned Officer

    Sweeps under buildings
    puts locomotives back on track
    Picks up spent cartridges after speeding bullets have been fired
    Is very close to God.

    A Marine

    Lifts buildings and walks under them
    kicks locomotives off the track
    Catches speeding bullets between his teeth and eats them
    freezes water with a single glance.
    He is God.

  2. Another:

    In the beginning was a word, the word was God. In the beginning was God, and all else was darkness, and void, and without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun, and the moon, and the stars, so that the light might pierce the darkness. And the earth God divided between the lands and the sea, and these he filled with many assorted creatures..

    And the dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths of the oceans, God called sailors, and he dressed them accordingly.

    And the flighty creatures of the air he called airmen. And these he clothed in uniforms which where ruffled and fowl.

    The lower creatures of the land, God called soldiers. And with a twinkle in his eye, and a sense of humour God gave them trousers too short, and jackets to large, and pockets to warm their hands. And to adorn their uniforms, God gave them cords, and he gave them ribbons... and patches... and stars... and bells. He gave them emblems... and crests... and all sorts of shiny things that glittered... and devices that dangled... When your God you tend to get carried away.

    And on the 7th day, as you know, God rested. And on the 8th day at 0730 hrs God looked down upon the earth and was not happy.. God was not happy.

    So he thought about his labours, and in infinite wisdom, God created a divine creature and this he called Royal Marine. And these Royal Marines whom God created in his own image, were to be of the air, and the land, and the sea. And these he gave many wonderful uniforms.

    He gave them practical fighting uniforms, so that they could wage war against the forces of Satan and evil.

    He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training, that they might be sharp and ready..

    And he gave them evening and dress uniforms. Sharp, stylish, handsome things, so they might profile with the ladies on a Saturday night, and impress the hell out of everybody.

    And on the, 8th day God looked down upon the earth, and saw that it was good.

    But was God happy?. No God was still not happy, because in the course of his labours, he had forgotten one thing.. He did not have a Royal Marine uniform. But he thought about it, and he thought about it, and finally satisfied himself in the knowing, that, well not everybody can be a Royal Marine..
  3. AND........
  4. He's a young 'un, Jancox. Shit, even Blobby fcuked up on this one. Every bootie knows the RSM is God, just ask Jack French! (see me or Bergen or any other booty from 74 - onward for confirmation!) :)
  5. Ferkin hell was Cary Grant in the Corps? He would have been God at least to any Jennys :cool: .
  6. Seadog

    Seadog War Hero Moderator

    Even some matelots have heard the name 'Jack French', usually preceded by 'legendary'.
  7. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Ok, I'll except the RSM is God, he is the Almighty one (just hope he hasn't seen me nick his job title for someone else) :smile:
  8. For FOX'S sake GOD was mentioned and nobody mentioned "OUR TONY".
  9. Isn't that Blairsphemy?
  10. God lives in our bathroom..i'm always standing there, legs crossed, banging on the door shouting..."GOD, ARE YOU STILL FCUKING IN THERE!!??" :grin: :grin:
  11. you'll go blind in there... :twisted: :twisted: :oops:
  12. Who said that? Wait 'til I find me white stick you saucy mare :cool:
  13. Pete lewis!!!!!!


    THE GATES OF HELL OPENED UP. :evil: :evil: :evil: :shock: :mrgreen: :twisted:



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