When your best oppo turns up after 15 years

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Oct 18, 2010.

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  1. Fcooking hoofing weekend down here my old run ashore buddy Timmy Tightsocks from my MANCHESTER days pitched up for the weekend after a 15 year absence. Great lots of boring matelot shit dits in the hot tub with the girlies then as the fizz gets consumed in ever increasing quantities Tim starts to mention runs ashore, shags, and naval punishment ha ha ha but he's so pissed he starts relating tales of us hiding mister wobbly with various gronks around the world whilst at the time I am married to the missus me in the spare room at the mo and eating pedigree chum for the forseable - future best its another fcuking 15 years before he
    re-appears. :(
  2. F*ck! Saw that coming! Mate how about a quick smack to the vocal cords mid dit?? Bet you were gutted.
  3. You may wish to consult the Yellow Pages for the number of your local florist, Stan.

  4. During a certain run ashore I ended up shitting myself in cells, trashing my oppos trolleys and producing a great shit stain on the tail of my favorite shirt which I passed off as a scorch mark. I broke my watch, got holes on my jumper sleeves, and gashed both my elbows and knees.
    I told my War office ( not in a lying way really ) that I had fallen over.
    Sympathy abounding, poor little me, oh those nasty cuts, and bruises.

    A week later an "oppo" of mine is talking to my missus and she says
    "Oh poor Steve fell over".
    He proceeds under the influence to explain the naval definition of "fell over" and sympathy drifted away into the distance and punishment came, arriving in a sports car. :evil: :evil: :cry: :cry:
  5. At least it was your oppo who ratted you and not your Dad. Yesterday at lunch my old man thought it would be prudent to spin the dit about when me and him got shiters in my garden and started throwing stuff at my neighbours and threatening them with champagne corks. Unfortunately the missus wasn't too impressed.

    At least I don't have to lie to her any more about why the neighbours don't speak to us.
  7. Angry doc does a Postal Service
  8. If you want to preserve what's left, I'd find that number sharpish, Stan.

  9. Too late.You'll have to open the dog up first :D :D
  10. That must be what my war office did as I still dont know why mine don't speak. I was going to spaff over the fence but can't reach, pressure is falling off. :D
  11. Are you still in trouble, Stan?
  12. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Trouble? His misses is so cross, they're going to nail Jesus to her.
  13. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    Rummers me old shipmate. Reading your dits made me think you were Jack me fukcing hearty, but the fact that you ever went ashore wearing a jumper has killed off any street cred you had. :oops:
  14. Heres a better one of Rummers - Friggin In the riggin wi' his run ashore bezzie oppo, Roger Moore:

  15. .....cardys, the biggest pile of shit item of clothing a man could wear. :pukeright:
  16. High fashion in the early 70's flower.
    The navy issued me with a bastard as well but it wasn't a "Hepworth" :roll: :D
  17. Don't I look good then? You fibbin fucker Stix you said your black dress looked good on me. :oops: :oops: :D
  18. Best oppos don't turn up after 15 years!

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