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When I am Prime Minister.

2_deck_dash. I've been having a look through your Manfesto. Interesting.

Make trespassing a criminal rather than civil offence, result = bye bye pikey scum.
Fine but we need some form of protection for genuine hikers and ramblers. Certainly no camping for days on end!

Leave NATO and the EU. Re-strengthen our ties with the Commonwealth both economically and militarily. A global force that includes us, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Malaysia, India and Singapore would be difficult to fuck with. Priority for trade, International aid, military assistance etc. would go to fellow members.
With you all the way except leaving NATO.

Re-instate floating prisons with harsher and longer sentences for repeat offenders. A penal colony on the Falkland Islands should also be established for violent offenders. Anyone in prison will not be allowed TVs or any luxury items.
OK except the FI clause. The Bennies are great and need careful consideration. Some remote corner of ASI might be good, though.

Increase our Defence Budget to 5% of our GDP, we will need a big fuck off Army and Navy to maintain our stronghold in the New Commonwealth.
:D Brilliant but air power is a fact of life and unless it's in a ship or attached to a Batallion, it does need the light blue.

Review the benefits system with serial dole scroungers being forced into community service
:D

Abolish all Health & Safety legislation and instate core safety practices for dangerous working environments only
That's got potential.

Disband the Fire Brigade.
That's also got potential.

Disband the Scottish Assembly, we are one Country, get over it
Fine but don't forgt the Taffs.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Can I be a Minister without Portfolio and just wander round Parliament with a clipboard and no responsibilities but a fcuk off wage and pension just for being there?
 

Guzzler

War Hero
WreckerL said:
Can I be a Minister without Portfolio and just wander round Parliament with a clipboard and no responsibilities but a fcuk off wage and pension just for being there?

Minister for Sport surely?
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Guzzler said:
WreckerL said:
Can I be a Minister without Portfolio and just wander round Parliament with a clipboard and no responsibilities but a fcuk off wage and pension just for being there?

Minister for Sport surely?

Tempting but I prefer "without Portfolio" as you can't be blamed for absolutely anything that goes wrong
 

Guzzler

War Hero
WreckerL said:
Guzzler said:
WreckerL said:
Can I be a Minister without Portfolio and just wander round Parliament with a clipboard and no responsibilities but a fcuk off wage and pension just for being there?

Minister for Sport surely?

Tempting but I prefer "without Portfolio" as you can't be blamed for absolutely anything that goes wrong

Hmmm, still applies in my experience :)
 

drewfester

Lantern Swinger
Your Right Honourable 2 Deck Dash
Can I most humbly ask for the job of Governor of the Bank of England?
I feel I could bring substance to the task and would take great delight in handing the less honourable bankers over to our trusty estabilshment in the Falklands. They probably would think they wher on an educational outing until our Commondant got hold of them
Seriously, I would offer 100% mortgages to decent folk (Only after providing a scalp of a Pikey) with zero percent interest.
Loans at below the rate of inflation (whatever the hell that is) if you want buy a gun and go hunting immigrants (free cheeseburger at Mcy,B's for every scalp)
General finacial wisdom free for all Rum Ration Members (if you have a few thousand, I could use it) :)
 

SONAR-BENDER

War Hero
Order, ORDER, hum, ORDER.

Can I be Speaker please? I have a nicer Jock accent than Gorbals Mike and do all my own home decorating.

I would be great at frapping down any rowdy opposition Members, then MLP, JJ and BR etc and others, could concentrate on killing them, so, no more opposition - simples.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Passed-over_Loggie said:
2_deck_dash. I've been having a look through your Manfesto. Interesting.

Make trespassing a criminal rather than civil offence, result = bye bye pikey scum.
Fine but we need some form of protection for genuine hikers and ramblers. Certainly no camping for days on end!

Genuine hikers and ramblers should stick to public footpaths and campsites. There are also plenty of National Parks for them to explore without upsetting anyone. Pikey scum, out.

Leave NATO and the EU. Re-strengthen our ties with the Commonwealth both economically and militarily. A global force that includes us, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Malaysia, India and Singapore would be difficult to * with. Priority for trade, International aid, military assistance etc. would go to fellow members.
With you all the way except leaving NATO.

NATO does fuck all for us, every time something kicks off it's basically us and the Yanks who are left to deal with it. Other than the US, none of the other NATO members, who aren't already members of the Commonwealth, really bring any substance to the party.

Re-instate floating prisons with harsher and longer sentences for repeat offenders. A penal colony on the Falkland Islands should also be established for violent offenders. Anyone in prison will not be allowed TVs or any luxury items.
OK except the FI clause. The Bennies are great and need careful consideration. Some remote corner of ASI might be good, though.

The Bennies will all receive high power jobs guarding said prisons and organising the hunts. :D

Increase our Defence Budget to 5% of our GDP, we will need a big * off Army and Navy to maintain our stronghold in the New Commonwealth.
:D Brilliant but air power is a fact of life and unless it's in a ship or attached to a Batallion, it does need the light blue.

Air power will be provided by the FAA and AAC, the RAF have done fuck all since 1945, I don't envisage them to make a massive transformation in the near future therefore they can ram it.

Review the benefits system with serial dole scroungers being forced into community service
:D

Indeed. :lol:

Abolish all Health & Safety legislation and instate core safety practices for dangerous working environments only
That's got potential.
8)


Disband the Fire Brigade.
That's also got potential.

Complete shower of cunts.

Disband the Scottish Assembly, we are one Country, get over it
Fine but don't forgt the Taffs.

Who?
 
D

Deleted 7

Guest
Lets send our prisoners (all UK) to Australia and America, like they used to do many moons ago.................or just vote for me, I'll be the next Maggie!
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
As an alternative to Pongo's and Royal blowing up Salisbury Plain/Dartmoor etc we could use the Isle of Man. Nobody's going to miss that little island that is/isn't part of the UK (depending if they dip out or not IMO).
Have a cease fire once a year for the TT.
 
D

Deleted 7

Guest
WreckerL said:
As an alternative to Pongo's and Royal blowing up Salisbury Plain/Dartmoor etc we could use the Isle of Man. Nobody's going to miss that little island that is/isn't part of the UK (depending if they dip out or not IMO).
Have a cease fire once a year for the TT.

Can we throw in the 'Isle of Wight' too, oh and France
 
2_deck_dash said:
Air power will be provided by the FAA and AAC, the RAF have done fuck all since 1945, I don't envisage them to make a massive transformation in the near future therefore they can ram it.

Thanks for the timely reminder. I keep forgetting that this is a fun Thread on the fun Forum.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Jenny_Dabber said:
WreckerL said:
As an alternative to Pongo's and Royal blowing up Salisbury Plain/Dartmoor etc we could use the Isle of Man. Nobody's going to miss that little island that is/isn't part of the UK (depending if they dip out or not IMO).
Have a cease fire once a year for the TT.

Can we throw in the 'Isle of Wight' too, oh and France

Fair one. IoW would be ideal for gunners on pompey ships. Not even they could miss that and could fire the 4.5" from alongside thus saving on fuel.
 
D

Deleted 7

Guest
WreckerL said:
Jenny_Dabber said:
WreckerL said:
As an alternative to Pongo's and Royal blowing up Salisbury Plain/Dartmoor etc we could use the Isle of Man. Nobody's going to miss that little island that is/isn't part of the UK (depending if they dip out or not IMO).
Have a cease fire once a year for the TT.

Can we throw in the 'Isle of Wight' too, oh and France

Fair one. IoW would be ideal for gunners on pompey ships. Not even they could miss that and could fire the 4.5" from alongside thus saving on fuel.

Exactly, 2 birds with one stone...........
 

Stirling

Banned
Jenny_Dabber said:
WreckerL said:
As an alternative to Pongo's and Royal blowing up Salisbury Plain/Dartmoor etc we could use the Isle of Man. Nobody's going to miss that little island that is/isn't part of the UK (depending if they dip out or not IMO).
Have a cease fire once a year for the TT.

Can we throw in the 'Isle of Wight' too, oh and France

Fcuk right off Jenny, I go to IOW on hols every year. :D
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Sorry I've not been around recently, but the 2_Deck Government has been in diplomatic negotiations with Argentina.



Here is the transcript from our recent discussions which I feel went very well:



Me: Get your filthy spick hands off our islands you trout faced cnut bitch or Buenos Aries gets the mushroom treatment.

Kirchner: I am sorry Mr 2_Deck, Argentina bows to Great Britain's superiority, indiscretions like this won't happen again, is there anyway I can make it up to you?

Me: There's a good lass, have a quick nosh on this with those rubber lips of your's.

Kirchner: Gobble...gobble....sluuurrp......slluuurp....gobble.

Me: Yeah. That's right. Take it like the bitch that you are.
 
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