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When I am Prime Minister.

G

guestm

Guest
2_deck_dash said:
Countries that bring something to the table, like Poland will be invited to join the Commonwealth. With the collapse of the EU after we leave I envisage most ex EU members will be clambering over each other to be admitted into the Commonwealth.

Right, that's going to require positive action from us for that to happen, as Foreign Minister I will sabotage the EU by initiating a series of smear campaigns, centred on the fact that EU money is used to inject children with Aids, cancer, the gay gene and Scrofula.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
2_deck_dash said:
Countries that bring something to the table, like Poland will be invited to join the Commonwealth. With the collapse of the EU after we leave I envisage most ex EU members will be clambering over each other to be admitted into the Commonwealth.

Right, that's going to require positive action from us for that to happen, as Foreign Minister I will sabotage the EU by initiating a series of smear campaigns, centred on the fact that EU money is used to inject children with Aids, cancer, the gay gene and Scrofula.

Make it so number 2.
 

seenoffteefcuk

War Hero
I have decide that i am also going to run for prime minister cos i reckon it will be a cushy number.
basically here is my agenda.
Take all the good things that 2 deck said then add all the other good things that others said add them all together oh and any future good ideas that anyone else said but i will reword them and say i said them in the first place.
and monty yes you can have mondays off.
Now who wants to vote for me and the nolabour party
Seenoff Brown
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
seenoffteefcuk said:
I have decide that i am also going to run for prime minister cos i reckon it will be a cushy number.
basically here is my agenda.
Take all the good things that 2 deck said then add all the other good things that others said add them all together oh and any future good ideas that anyone else said but i will reword them and say i said them in the first place.
and monty yes you can have mondays off.
Now who wants to vote for me and the nolabour party
Seenoff Brown

Everyone knows that to be elected these days you have to be good looking, just look at Obama vs McCain.

You've got no fcuking chance oppo. :D
 

seenoffteefcuk

War Hero
2_deck_dash said:
seenoffteefcuk said:
I have decide that i am also going to run for prime minister cos i reckon it will be a cushy number.
basically here is my agenda.
Take all the good things that 2 deck said then add all the other good things that others said add them all together oh and any future good ideas that anyone else said but i will reword them and say i said them in the first place.
and monty yes you can have mondays off.
Now who wants to vote for me and the nolabour party
Seenoff Brown

Everyone knows that to be elected these days you have to be good looking, just look at Obama vs McCain.

You've got no fcuking chance oppo. :D


True but i will get in through the back door by having a good looking spin doctor to front my party then kick him to the kerb after a few unsuccesfull years.
Then i will come in to save britain while actually destroying her while sad twats sit back and watch while voting me in again and again even though i fail to deliver on any of my promises.
Luckily though i will have 2 deck dave up against me and no one trusts them lot anyway.
also i will have every working man in britain voting for me cos i gave them monday off.
They are a fickle bunch these lower classes they will believe anything you tell them because there tv is in colour now.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
No chance.

Remember Barbados is part of my Commonwealth?

I will send all of these underclass mongs on all inclusive holidays.

They will fcuking love me.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Seenoff vs 2DD

This can only be resolved by messdeck rules. Either best of 3 uckers or half a dozen tinnys each followed by willy measuring with the crib board.

Gentlemen...choose your weapons (pun intended)
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
WreckerL said:
Seenoff vs 2DD

This can only be resolved by messdeck rules. Either best of 3 uckers or half a dozen tinnys each followed by willy measuring with the crib board.

Gentlemen...choose your weapons (pun intended)

I opt for the penny foreskin challenge.

My record is 26 copper 1 pences in my cheese hat, what's yours?
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
I have been considering the future and changes i can make within my capacity. As The Health & Safety minister, my role has been adapted to deal deal with common sense matters. Suggestions:

1. Anyone stupid enough to fall over on a wet floor will no longer be able to claim compo, instead they will have there picture taken and put on a named and shamed board, labeled as a clumsy twat who should look where they are going.
2. Burn yourself on something hot, tough shit sunshine. Shouldn’t want to see how hot it was then should you.
3. If you bang your head on a low ceiling then you should have been paying more attention.
4. Most Health & Safety stickers will be done away with. Common sense is needed not some stupid sticky label.
 
G

guestm

Guest
2_deck_dash said:
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
2_deck_dash said:
Countries that bring something to the table, like Poland will be invited to join the Commonwealth. With the collapse of the EU after we leave I envisage most ex EU members will be clambering over each other to be admitted into the Commonwealth.

Right, that's going to require positive action from us for that to happen, as Foreign Minister I will sabotage the EU by initiating a series of smear campaigns, centred on the fact that EU money is used to inject children with Aids, cancer, the gay gene and Scrofula.

Make it so number 2.

Done, here is tomorrows Telegraph, note the idiots have spelt European wrong.

 

seenoffteefcuk

War Hero
HHMMMM we could have a day each of good PM bad PM and such like.
lets shake on it(hopefully that should dislodge the missing two pence piece)
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
2_deck_dash said:
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
2_deck_dash said:
Countries that bring something to the table, like Poland will be invited to join the Commonwealth. With the collapse of the EU after we leave I envisage most ex EU members will be clambering over each other to be admitted into the Commonwealth.

Right, that's going to require positive action from us for that to happen, as Foreign Minister I will sabotage the EU by initiating a series of smear campaigns, centred on the fact that EU money is used to inject children with Aids, cancer, the gay gene and Scrofula.

Make it so number 2.

Done, here is tomorrows Telegraph, note the idiots have spelt European wrong.


Awesome!

By the way seenoff, I've decided not to let you share power in my new government. I was stupid to think you were a threat initially, I mean you don't even have any campaign posters and you haven't got Obama's backing either, I also doubt very much that your spin doctors could come up with anything as good as mine. (see above)

You have about as much chance as the Lib Dems getting in!
 

AngryMonkey

Lantern Swinger
2_deck_dash said:
You have about as much chance as the Lib Dems getting in!

Speaking of those Lib Dem cnuts I assume they'll be on the first transport to the Falklands once we seize/win power?
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
jjp23 said:
I have been considering the future and changes i can make within my capacity. As The Health & Safety minister, my role has been adapted to deal deal with common sense matters. Suggestions:

1. Anyone stupid enough to fall over on a wet floor will no longer be able to claim compo, instead they will have there picture taken and put on a named and shamed board, labeled as a clumsy twat who should look where they are going.
2. Burn yourself on something hot, tough shit sunshine. Shouldn’t want to see how hot it was then should you.
3. If you bang your head on a low ceiling then you should have been paying more attention.
4. Most Health & Safety stickers will be done away with. Common sense is needed not some stupid sticky label.

As Health and Safety Minister I have a suggestion. On highly polished glass doors into public buildings/shops etc H&S insisted that a logo or label was stuck on them so people wouldn't walk into the door. Can this be revoked as it ruined my enjoyment when being dragged round the shops. Nothing cheered me up more than watching someone boldly stride into the glass door, momentarily turning into a Miss Piggy lookalike before staggering away holding their flattened hooter.
 

seenoffteefcuk

War Hero
2_deck_dash said:
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
2_deck_dash said:
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
2_deck_dash said:
Countries that bring something to the table, like Poland will be invited to join the Commonwealth. With the collapse of the EU after we leave I envisage most ex EU members will be clambering over each other to be admitted into the Commonwealth.

Right, that's going to require positive action from us for that to happen, as Foreign Minister I will sabotage the EU by initiating a series of smear campaigns, centred on the fact that EU money is used to inject children with Aids, cancer, the gay gene and Scrofula.

Make it so number 2.

Done, here is tomorrows Telegraph, note the idiots have spelt European wrong.


Awesome!

By the way seenoff, I've decided not to let you share power in my new government. I was stupid to think you were a threat initially, I mean you don't even have any campaign posters and you haven't got Obama's backing either, I also doubt very much that your spin doctors could come up with anything as good as mine. (see above)

You have about as much chance as the Lib Dems getting in!

Fair one I couldn't be arsed anyway I was just on a power trip working with civvies makes me feel superior.
At your approval i will retake my position as immigration minister and apologise for my earlier misdemeanor
Yours
Seenoff
Immigration minister for the beautiful new government of 2 deck.
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
WreckerL said:
jjp23 said:
I have been considering the future and changes i can make within my capacity. As The Health & Safety minister, my role has been adapted to deal deal with common sense matters. Suggestions:

1. Anyone stupid enough to fall over on a wet floor will no longer be able to claim compo, instead they will have there picture taken and put on a named and shamed board, labeled as a clumsy twat who should look where they are going.
2. Burn yourself on something hot, tough shit sunshine. Shouldn’t want to see how hot it was then should you.
3. If you bang your head on a low ceiling then you should have been paying more attention.
4. Most Health & Safety stickers will be done away with. Common sense is needed not some stupid sticky label.

As Health and Safety Minister I have a suggestion. On highly polished glass doors into public buildings/shops etc H&S insisted that a logo or label was stuck on them so people wouldn't walk into the door. Can this be revoked as it ruined my enjoyment when being dragged round the shops. Nothing cheered me up more than watching someone boldly stride into the glass door, momentarily turning into a Miss Piggy lookalike before staggering away holding their flattened hooter.

Thank you for raising this. This falls into Health & safety and common sense so i am perfectly positioned to answer this efficiently.

Yes they can be removed, they are simply a waste of time. I can understand that they were put on to prevent people walking into doors. However, if a person is stupid enough to walk to a building and not see a reflection or door frame and have obviously assumed that the said building does not have a door then they shouldn’t be so thick. I can not think of one building that would not have a door, therefore it is common sense.

I myself have done this in the past and understand the humiliation it may cause but I did it once and never again, I learned from my error and others need to do the same. So please, go out and polish doors (ask someone nicely and they may do it with there tongue for added humor, they need to be a bit spesh though), take your viewing position and help bring the sound of laughter back to this country.
 
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