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When I am Prime Minister.

2_deck_dash said:
Joint_Force_Harrier said:
Can we also rename the made up condition ADHD as "naughty bastard kid syndrome". I'm up for health minister.

Good call.

Your in.

It's nice to see the cabinet growing.

Thank you,

Do I get a secretary with a stocking allowance?

Also will get back to you with anymore policies I dream up, sorry feel are necessary.

JFH MP
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
Can i suggest a role that we will need someone to fill. I think it should be called either "Stop being thick stupic PC fcuking knob head minister" or "Common sense supervisor".

The role will be to stop people being daft. For example, changing the name of "Spotted Dick" to " Spotted Richard" is an idea for mongs. The role would ensure that other similar goings on are promptly stopped and offenders dealt with.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
jjp23 said:
Can i suggest a role that we will need someone to fill. I think it should be called either "Stop being thick stupic PC fcuking knob head minister" or "Common sense supervisor".

The role will be to stop people being daft. For example, changing the name of "Spotted Dick" to " Spotted Richard" is an idea for mongs. The role would ensure that other similar goings on are promptly stopped and offenders dealt with.

I like this idea however in order to save costs I believe it could be a role that is fulfilled by the Health & Safety Enforcement Minister.

Make it so.
 

jjp23

Lantern Swinger
2_deck_dash said:
jjp23 said:
Can i suggest a role that we will need someone to fill. I think it should be called either "Stop being thick stupic PC fcuking knob head minister" or "Common sense supervisor".

The role will be to stop people being daft. For example, changing the name of "Spotted Dick" to " Spotted Richard" is an idea for mongs. The role would ensure that other similar goings on are promptly stopped and offenders dealt with.

I like this idea however in order to save costs I believe it could be a role that is fulfilled by the Health & Safety Enforcement Minister.

Make it so.

Sorted.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
I'm in.

As the nations roads are in such a state with all the potholes can we not use every "proud" owner of an ASBO to rectify this.
My vision is chain-gang chav's and oxygen thieves in bright pink overalls with the words "loser" in large letters on the back repairing our roads thus improving road transport.
When the roads have all been repaired they can then go on to cleaning bus stops, railways staitons and other public areas until they have really seen the error of their anti-social ways?

I can do a lot for the country with young offenders. Habitual offenders can be sent to sandy places as IED locators.
 

AngryMonkey

Lantern Swinger
sulzer said:
Subcontract long prison sentences to Russia who have space in Siberia,

TM

Not to worry once I take charge of the Falklands Death Ca... Penal Colony they'll be more than enough convict turnover to keep the population within managable numbers. Plus subcontracting has ruined our economy if we're unwilling to viciously murder our own criminals we don't deserve them.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
I had a chat with big O and he seems very supportive of our plans so far.


 
As Scotch was once among our top earners:

Shut down Faslane & Coulport and convert all facilities to bulk specialist Whisky Production (export-only) & refit SSNs/SSBNs as delivery vessels.

Result? The reduced defence budget is now affordable and we become a rich nation again.

Nuc Deterrent? Cruise missiles in Pantechnicons roaming Europe/Asia under Eddie Stobbart livery. When balloon goes up, park up at next lay by, open brown envelope and press red button.

Simples.
 

seenoffteefcuk

War Hero
Well as far as immigration goes i have a plan.
If we filter out the scum sponges and pimps we could then use only the good looking whores to generate more finances with prostitution and also the use of "good looking people" would massively enrich our current asthetic problems by generation to generation dilution of the ugly gene, which in turn would make us more adept at negotiations with other countries for trade etc (we all know that its harder to say no to a looker).
Tourism would also increase because no-one wants to pay for a rats bird and instead of pimps getting the benefits of whore money it would go to the taxman and in turn our millitary.
In 1 swoop ive increased tourism, trade, immigration, taxes and the dilution of the uglies.
Where do i sign up
 
Health Issues

Issue everybody a NHS plastic card. If your a British citizen (not been given it, but earned it) treatment is all free, Commonwealth 50%, eveybody else full price. Inability to pay in emergency cases shipped over to Calais, and let the frogs sort it out.

All service personnel to have free Dental cover for life.

As drink in moderation is good for you, I will increase the moderation limits to 25 units per day, any more and you deserve the liver damage. This number can be saved and used at weekends.

If you take a heroin overdose, tough s**t, won't do it again will you?

If you abuse any medical staff member, out of the hospital, no treatment, no help.


Radical but needed

JFH MP (Minister for Health)
 

TheLa

Badgeman
Not being one to take away some slappers oooo'man rights, however...

Perhaps enforcing a law that people/couples must apply to the newly formed goverment and acquire a license to have children. This may cause some distress amongst many, however, it also ensures that the UK's current spate of Benefit Sponging, Fake Tanned, Elizabeth Duke Engagement Ring wearing, Barcadi Brezzer drinking, Chav-Mong Illiterate, Fucking Twat Muppets will not be infecting the population, and we may have a chance to get this nation back on it's once great feet.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
TheLa said:
Not being one to take away some slappers oooo'man rights, however...

Perhaps enforcing a law that people/couples must apply to the newly formed goverment and acquire a license to have children. This may cause some distress amongst many, however, it also ensures that the UK's current spate of Benefit Sponging, Fake Tanned, Elizabeth Duke Engagement Ring wearing, Barcadi Brezzer drinking, Chav-Mong Illiterate, * Twat Muppets will not be infecting the population, and we may have a chance to get this nation back on it's once great feet.

While I agree with this in principle, unfortunately we have an inverted population triangle at present which basically means we are dying quicker than we are having kids. Basically we need people to fuck more and have more children.

If the parents are deemed unsuitable to raise a child on their own, the child can be removed and educated by the state in special academies for kids who can't read good.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
TheLa said:
Not being one to take away some slappers oooo'man rights, however...

Perhaps enforcing a law that people/couples must apply to the newly formed goverment and acquire a license to have children. This may cause some distress amongst many, however, it also ensures that the UK's current spate of Benefit Sponging, Fake Tanned, Elizabeth Duke Engagement Ring wearing, Barcadi Brezzer drinking, Chav-Mong Illiterate, * Twat Muppets will not be infecting the population, and we may have a chance to get this nation back on it's once great feet.

Where will all my ASBO chain gangs come from?
 

TheLa

Badgeman
WreckerL said:
TheLa said:
Not being one to take away some slappers oooo'man rights, however...

Perhaps enforcing a law that people/couples must apply to the newly formed goverment and acquire a license to have children. This may cause some distress amongst many, however, it also ensures that the UK's current spate of Benefit Sponging, Fake Tanned, Elizabeth Duke Engagement Ring wearing, Barcadi Brezzer drinking, Chav-Mong Illiterate, * Twat Muppets will not be infecting the population, and we may have a chance to get this nation back on it's once great feet.

Where will all my ASBO chain gangs come from?

Society will always produce 'Victims' for the ol' chain road...

Fcuk me, i think i'm turning into a bit of a Facist! 8O
 
G

guestm

Guest
Sir,

I read with interest your manifesto and have a few questions which I would like to put forward for your consideration regarding a few holes.

1) How are you going to fill the gaps left in the Electrical and Plumbing trade without any Poles or Bosnians when the British are too thick to do it correctly and believe turning up on time is as important a matter as politics in general. And where are the divs whores going to come from without Ukrainians, Russians and Estonians?

2) Will we still be able to buy Kabanos from the deli in Sainsbury's?

3) Leaving the EU would, in the long term be disastrous for Britain. Enlargement of the EU will likely bring around 2 Billion into the British Economy. Leaving the EU would not only stifle our trade but would also render the initial outlay made in the late 90's dead money. Not only that, but the Treaty Establishing a Constitution for Europe which was rejected will undoubtedly result in a free-trading and less strict Union, whch will be infinitely more favourable to Britain.

Remaining in the EU is in our best interests in order to produce a more dynamic and competitive market in which we can provide some kind of influence. Only by remaining in the EU can we push for some kind of agreement with the North American Free Trade. In effect, enabling global free trade in the future. Without that, we will have no bulletproof trade agreement with ANY other international countries. If we were to leave the EU, we would be in no posititon to influence the evolution of the EU into the initial Union we were sold.

We are to far down the road to even contemplate adopting any kind of limited or non-membership. Contrary to belief, Switzerland, who many see as the role model for how Britain should be, are financial contributors to the EU and are expected to join in the near future. Also, we can't export fuck all because we are gash and nobody wants shit cars, pies or emaciated, tastless livestock.

4) When can we go to war in Zimbabwe?

5) And Spain? I hate those cunts.

6) And Egypt

7) And Portugal.

8) Can we all have Mondays off?

9) Can I be Foreign Affairs minister?

10) Can we have a restricted media? So we can banish shite papers like the Mail and Sun, bin reality TV and have stuff on the news about Pi-chi the Panda having cubs and dogs on ski's and stuff.

11) Can I join in with the working class and preach racial hatred from my armchair, protest about everything and anything that I can blame on dirty foreigners for my own shite lazy life. All without taking responsibility for my own actions and having a good look at myself and my own community of subclass, untermench retards?

12) Will there be cake?

With respect,

Mr M La-Palisse,
Chalfont rubbings
Middleclass upon Prius
Obliviousshire
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
Sir,

I read with interest your manifesto and have a few questions which I would like to put forward for your consideration regarding a few holes.

1) How are you going to fill the gaps left in the Electrical and Plumbing trade without any Poles or Bosnians when the British are too thick to do it correctly and believe turning up on time is as important a matter as politics in general. And where are the divs whores going to come from without Ukrainians, Russians and Estonians?

2) Will we still be able to buy Kabanos from the deli in Sainsbury's?

3) Leaving the EU would, in the long term be disastrous for Britain. Enlargement of the EU will likely bring around 2 Billion into the British Economy. Leaving the EU would not only stifle our trade but would also render the initial outlay made in the late 90's dead money. Not only that, but the Treaty Establishing a Constitution for Europe which was rejected will undoubtedly result in a free-trading and less strict Union, whch will be infinitely more favourable to Britain.

Remaining in the EU is in our best interests in order to produce a more dynamic and competitive market in which we can provide some kind of influence. Only by remaining in the EU can we push for some kind of agreement with the North American Free Trade. In effect, enabling global free trade in the future. Without that, we will have no bulletproof trade agreement with ANY other international countries. If we were to leave the EU, we would be in no posititon to influence the evolution of the EU into the initial Union we were sold.

We are to far down the road to even contemplate adopting any kind of limited or non-membership. Contrary to belief, Switzerland, who many see as the role model for how Britain should be, are financial contributors to the EU and are expected to join in the near future. Also, we can't export * all because we are gash and nobody wants shit cars, pies or emaciated, tastless livestock.

4) When can we go to war in Zimbabwe?

5) And Spain? I hate those cunts.

6) And Egypt

7) And Portugal.

8) Can we all have Mondays off?

9) Can I be Foreign Affairs minister?

10) Can we have a restricted media? So we can banish shite papers like the Mail and Sun, bin reality TV and have stuff on the news about Pi-chi the Panda having cubs and dogs on ski's and stuff.

11) Can I join in with the working class and preach racial hatred from my armchair, protest about everything and anything that I can blame on dirty foreigners for my own shite lazy life. All without taking responsibility for my own actions and having a good look at myself and my own community of subclass, untermench retards?

12) Will there be cake?

With respect,

Mr M La-Palisse,
Chalfont rubbings
Middleclass upon Prius
Obliviousshire


I think Seenoff has covered that in his immigration policy, we're sorted.
 

TheLa

Badgeman
Well if we're going to war with them - Can we also have a stab at Morrocco? As much as I like their cuisine, I got robbed at knife-point by a Morrocan once.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
Sir,

I read with interest your manifesto and have a few questions which I would like to put forward for your consideration regarding a few holes.

1) How are you going to fill the gaps left in the Electrical and Plumbing trade without any Poles or Bosnians when the British are too thick to do it correctly and believe turning up on time is as important a matter as politics in general. And where are the divs whores going to come from without Ukrainians, Russians and Estonians?

2) Will we still be able to buy Kabanos from the deli in Sainsbury's?

3) Leaving the EU would, in the long term be disastrous for Britain. Enlargement of the EU will likely bring around 2 Billion into the British Economy. Leaving the EU would not only stifle our trade but would also render the initial outlay made in the late 90's dead money. Not only that, but the Treaty Establishing a Constitution for Europe which was rejected will undoubtedly result in a free-trading and less strict Union, whch will be infinitely more favourable to Britain.

Remaining in the EU is in our best interests in order to produce a more dynamic and competitive market in which we can provide some kind of influence. Only by remaining in the EU can we push for some kind of agreement with the North American Free Trade. In effect, enabling global free trade in the future. Without that, we will have no bulletproof trade agreement with ANY other international countries. If we were to leave the EU, we would be in no posititon to influence the evolution of the EU into the initial Union we were sold.

We are to far down the road to even contemplate adopting any kind of limited or non-membership. Contrary to belief, Switzerland, who many see as the role model for how Britain should be, are financial contributors to the EU and are expected to join in the near future. Also, we can't export * all because we are gash and nobody wants shit cars, pies or emaciated, tastless livestock.

Fucking Bolshevik.

Countries that bring something to the table, like Poland will be invited to join the Commonwealth. With the collapse of the EU after we leave I envisage most ex EU members will be clambering over each other to be admitted into the Commonwealth.

Latvia can stay as well. I met a stripper in Spearmint Rhino from Latvia, she was divs.


4) When can we go to war in Zimbabwe?

The day I come to power this will be put into action. Using Malawi as a staging post. At first African troops from the Commonwealth Nations will be used, with UK advisors providing specialist assistance.

5) And Spain? I hate those cunts.

The expansion of Gibraltar North through Spain up to Dover will be a priority once our Armed Forces are strong enough.

6) And Egypt

The interesting bits of Egypt like the Pyramids will be re-located to London to boost British tourism. The rest will be nuked so that the sand becomes glass, we will then ski down the glass dunes using skis with felt on the bottoms.

7) And Portugal.

See plans for expansion of Gib

8) Can we all have Mondays off?

No.

9) Can I be Foreign Affairs minister?

OK

10) Can we have a restricted media? So we can banish shite papers like the Mail and Sun, bin reality TV and have stuff on the news about Pi-chi the Panda having cubs and dogs on ski's and stuff.

Yes

11) Can I join in with the working class and preach racial hatred from my armchair, protest about everything and anything that I can blame on dirty foreigners for my own shite lazy life. All without taking responsibility for my own actions and having a good look at myself and my own community of subclass, untermench retards?

Yes

12) Will there be cake?

Lots

With respect,

Mr M La-Palisse,
Chalfont rubbings
Middleclass upon Prius
Obliviousshire

Jolly good.
 
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