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What's the strangest place you've ever woke up in after a night on the piss?


War Hero
Probably for me, it was the AGR testing place, back of ROSARIO Block in HMS DOLPHIN. I seem to have climbed into a coffin (that was supported by 2 x trellis), complete with my A.G.R. (or S6 - whatever it was called and promptly lapsed into an alcohol-induced coma. The coffin was in the middle of the Gas House,and trainees had to march round it, before lifting the side of their gas mask and inhaling a bit of CS just to get an idea what it was like. Was rudely awakened by a JR "wandering willy" and the DSR, who offered me either (a). My own bed back in the block or (b) A quiet night in a room with bars on the windows. There have been other surprise wake-up calls, but I have only just remembered this one.


War Hero
Super Moderator
On the floor of a closed shopping mall in Bremerhaven at 5 in the morning (the mall had a bar/nightclub in it) and set all the alarms off sneaking out a fire exit.


War Hero
Walking down a street in Grantham, Lincs. My original destination on leaving work in Southwark had been the YMCA in Paddington !!


War Hero
Outside the mess HMS Rooke when the OOD and guard did rounds. I was lying on one of those coconut matting things and had pulled the other one over me. I spent the remainder of the night in the guardroom. :)


Lantern Swinger
In a field 1/2 way up the Troon side of Dundonald hill covered in cow shit and vomit - presumably my own - vomit that is. The Gannet boys will know where i'm talking about.
After a run ashore on my Birthday, ship happened to be alongside in Gib, woke up somewhere at the bottom of the rock, minus trollies and shoes. Did get some odd looks crossing the gangway in the early hours! So much for example set by the senior Killick stoker on board. Had to borrow a pair of shoes to go ashore the following day to replace said misplaced items. And no...I did not have a sore arse!

Happy days, never to be repeated!


In a hotel corridor in Holland day after air show. Still wearing flying suit, bedroom door wide open, other guests politely stepping over me. My nose hurt where (I was later reminded) a dutch police horse had bitten me as I tried to kiss it...


War Hero
THE Wren's mess?

Which one you quasi-virgin?

Heron, Nelson, Warrior, Rooke, Raleigh? Raleigh as an ageing civvy?

You need to work harder. And let's face it, it ain't hard work...

Onboard a certain small ship that shall remain nameless for PERSEC reasons.


War Hero
Been out on the lash in Bermuda. Thanks to subsistence - I had a rather nice hotel waiting for me (The Bermudiana), only thing was I had to get back to it on me moped. Somehow, I achieved this truly remarkable goal, even if it did entail doing wheelies across the hotels tennis courts before plunging both self, and moped into the deep end of the hotel pool. Lifeguard not a happy meerkat. Left aforementioned moped at the bottom of the 'oggin and decided that a quick wet was required from poolside bar. Got told to smeg off naturally - so I upped and bimbled away for a bit of a kip. Must have succeeded in getting into the elevator, but somehow did NOT get to my room, because - some hours later I woke up inside a fu**ing great big ice-cube making machine that was parked along the corridor (where patrons went to get a bucket of cubes for their cocktails....this was in the olden days you understand). A big bit of kit were you lifted up the lid and scooped a bucket full of ice cubes from within. I was fu**ing freezin' but by then, extremely sober.Some fellow crew members must've thought it would be a hoot to stuff an unconscious Evil Kinevil failure into the machine to "cool off". God....I absolutely loved getting free money and hotels.
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