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Whats the most stupid thing you've done

exMMM

Midshipman
Handing my credit card to a stripper in Malta and saying 'put it on there, I'm a fucking rock star'! £2000 lighter the next day!!! Lesson learnt!


Peel it back, make it sick!
 

sgtpepperband

War Hero
Book Reviewer
Does that mean we all have to behave? :neutral:

 

MaiBelle

Lantern Swinger
Not THE most stupid thing, but yesterday I stood next to the cooker for 5 mins waiting for noodles to cook before I noticed I'd turned on a different hob than the noodles were sat on :| (in my defence, it is electric, and not one of the ones that glows when it's on)
 

flymo

War Hero
Being in a friend's kitchen and suffering an island wide powercut, only to say to her, 'it's OK, can use the light from the fridge'. It wasn't until I opened the fridge into even more darkness that the penny finally went {clang}. Fortunately, being in darkness meant my blushing in embarrassment wasn't seen.
 

sgtpepperband

War Hero
Book Reviewer
Stupidest thing I did (as a child):

For reasons only an psychoanalyst would care for, I used to be a massive liar at school. One year, my Teacher asked me what my Dad's job was. I chose not to answer with the honest "Erm, I don't know Miss, as he has left home," which even at the age of 7 struck me as mind-numbingly, pant-wettingly dull.

Instead I opted for... "Astronaut!"

Amazingly I seemed to get away with this, and everyone was suitably awe-struck and impressed. Unfortunately this also seemed to include said Teacher, who asked if my astro-dad would be able to come and give a talk to the class about his amazing life.

Obviously this was an impossible request, but I've never been one to panic. Instead, I looked at her witheringly, and replied, "Of course he can't. He's in space."

Stupidest thing I did (as an adult):

Promising that I would tap her on the back of the head when I was nearly done... :oops:
 

BillyNoMates

War Hero
This August just gone, there was a "Food Festival" down here in gay old Plymouth, so me and her indoors decided to have a day out - off we bimbles down town for a look-see. Well - there's all manner of food stalls selling all manner of organic produce, and most of the stall holders are tempting the punters in with free samples of their wares. Anyway, we're having a pleasant time, nibbling on free bits of cheese, biscuits, moose, elk, water buffalo, kangaroo....even thimble sized plazzie cups of free ale! The weather was pleasant, and we eventually parks up alongside a stall that specialises in dips, jellies, sauces and liquids based around every fucking chilli on the planet. They've got little saucers of the stuff - all marked thus: Mild - Warm - Hot - Very Hot, and FUCK OFF you moron you shouldn't be touching this one. Now what's a man to do eh? I get my half a free Jacobs Cream Cracker and dunks it in the one on the end that says *For Stupid People Only*. I yaffles the cracker and the sauce in one gulp and the wife says, "What's it taste like then?" Not wanting to appear as El Supreme Wimpo I states that it was "Fairly hot with a bit of a kick" and that she probably wouldn't like it. "Oh? Okay", she replies. Five seconds later, my fucking head's melting, there's rivers of sweat pouring off my bald spot straight into my watering eyes and my mouth feels like it's full of napalm. Act normal. Talk normal - I'm saying to myself........try not to SCREAM! By now I'm blind, cannot see where I'm going and the temperature from my neck up is probably around the 500 degrees farenheit mark and I REALLY want to stick a lip-lock on a fucking iceberg. Valiantly trying to act as if nothing is going on , I amble to the next stall...feeling my way along the outside of the stalls, and fortunately for me the next one along was a beer tent so I demanded a cold pint of any fucking thing they had....immediately. The bloke serves us up and says, "You've just been to the Chilli stall 'aint you?". I ignored his comment and chugged the beer (probably Doom Bar) down in less than one and contemplated returning to the chilli salesman with a view to smacking his fucking teeth in. You could kill people with stuff like that. That dipping sauce was fucking lethal. Instead - I went back and purchased a bottle of this nuclear fuck-knows-what-was-in-it sauce, and when I got back home, I mixed some of it in with a tin opf cheap cat food and put a plateful in the back and front gardens. The last time fucking Tiddles and Co. Ltd visited my gardens for a midnight shit, they didn't have a midnight scran to look forward to, but tonight was different. I knew them furry feline bastards (a.k.a. other peoples pets) would not be able to resist some free scoff....all I had to do was wait for the concoction to take effect. (Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom). So.....one furry shit-machine went up the side of my house like Spidercat on steroids and his mate did an amazing back-flip, straight into the clutches of a rotary clothes drier, on which he nearly hung himself. The cats also made some interesting fucking noises as they hauled their (probably) about to explode burning arses over the back fence as well, and I'm guessing that wherever they went for a covert dump that night...it was none too solid and would be an unpleasant surprise first thing in the morning for someone else for a change. Okay - I'm stupid for daring to man up and eat the chilli dipping sauce from the centre of the Earth.
But cats are fucking stupid as well.
 
Last edited:

Grim_Squeaker85

Lantern Swinger
Not getting out of the room in time when someone decided to see if Screech powder stung the eyes as much as CS.

It does.


Sent via Heliograph from the Jebel Birkenhead
 

MG Maniac

War Hero
This August just gone, there was a "Food Festival" down here in gay old Plymouth, so me and her indoors decided to
have a day out - off we bimbles down town for a look-see. Well - there's all manner of food stalls selling all manner
of organic produce, and most of the stall holders are tempting the punters in with free samples of their wares. Anyway,
we're having a pleasant time, nibbling on free bits of cheese, biscuits, moose, elk, water buffalo, kangaroo....even
thimble sized plazzie cups of free ale! The weather was pleasant, and we eventually parks up alongside a stall that
specialises in dips, jellies, sauces and liquids based around every ****ing chilli on the planet. They've got little
saucers of the stuff - all marked thus: Mild - Warm - Hot - Very Hot, and **** OFF you moron you shouldn't be
touching this one. Now what's a man to do eh?
I get my half a free Jacobs Cream Cracker and dunks it in the one on the end that says *For Stupid People Only*.
I yaffles the cracker and the sauce in one gulp and the wife says, "What's it taste like then?"
Not wanting to appear as El Supreme Wimpo I states that it was "Fairly hot with a bit of a kick" and that she
probably wouldn't like it. "Oh? Okay", she replies.
Five seconds later, my ****ing head's melting, there's rivers of sweat pouring off my bald spot straight into my
watering eyes and my mouth feels like it's full of napalm.
Act normal. Talk normal - I'm saying to myself........try not to SCREAM!
By now I'm blind, cannot see where I'm going and the temperature from my neck up is probably round the 500
degrees farenheit mark and I REALLY want to stick a lip-lock on a ****ing iceberg.
Valiantly trying to act as if nothing is going on , I amble to the next stall...feeling my way along the outside of
the stalls, and fortunately for me the next one along was a beer tent so I demanded a cold pint of any ****ing
thing they had....immediately.
The bloke serves us up and says, "You've just been to the Chilli stall 'aint you?".
I ignored his comment and chugged the beer (probably Doom Bar) down in less than one and contemplated returning
to the chilli salesman with a view to smacking his ****ing teeth in. You could kill people with stuff like that. That
dipping sauce was ****ing lethal.
Instead - I went back and purchased a bottle of this nuclear ****-knows-what-was-in-it sauce, and when I got back home,
I mixed some of it in with a tin opf cheap cat food and put a plateful in the back and front gardens. The last time ****ing
Tiddles and Co. Ltd visited my gardens for a midnight shit, they didn't have a midnight scran to look forward to, but
tonight was different. I knew them furry feline bastards (a.k.a. other peoples pets) would not be able to resist some free
scoff....all I had to do was wait for the concoction to take effect.
(Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom).
So.....one furry shit-machine went up the side of my house like Spidercat on steroids and his mate did an amazing back-flip,
straight into the clutches of a rotary clothes drier, on which he nearly hung himself. The cats also made some interesting
****ing noises as they hauled their (probably) about to explode burning arses over the back fence as well, and I'm guessing
that wherever they went for a covert dump that night...it was none too solid and would be an unpleasant surprise first
thing in the morning for someone else for a change.
Okay - I'm stupid for daring to man up and eat the chilli dipping sauce from the centre of the Earth.
But cats are ****ing stupid as well.

:laughing3::notworthy::boogie:

Billy ... IT are not very happy since I've just got a new pute and they now have to come and de-coffee the screens / keyboard!
 

Ballistic

War Hero
QM: (On main broadcast) "Chief Ballistic, phone call, gangway".
Me: (On arrival at gangway) Cheers QM, who is it?
QM: Dunno, girly voice
Me: OK, thanks... Hello? Michelle?
Girly voice: What? Who's Michelle?
Me: Er... Sarah?
Sarah: YES! IT'S SARAH! WHO'S MICHELLE?
Me: Well... um...er...

I take it I don't need to draw a picture of the outcome of that one.

Needless to say, after that I always answered a phone call on the gangway with "Hello mum".
 

BoxKickerSubs

Lantern Swinger
Way back when we had a Navy, i was up on the upper deck of the mighty Argonaut (not the wooden fucker with Jason before anyone starts), the QM was swamped with contractors/visitors ect, phone rings QM shouts for me to get it. So I do, on other end squeaky voice asking to speak to AB ***********, sorry says I but said AB went to DQ's yesterday. No she says he is deploying today on this ship. No says I he went down for 42 days for GBH/drink ect. Well the squeaky voice went all tears and wailing with nashing of teeth and some very unladylike swearing. Oops thought I, not paid enough for this, so i get hold of the Buffer and pass him the phone.Short while later one pissed off buffer grips me and informs me i am a T**t! The AB and Buffer had an understanding to keep the squeaky vioce in the dark for the period of DQ's and i have just ruined that.
 
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