Whats the most stupid thing you've done

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Apr 24, 2013.

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  1. Aside from dodging the occasional missile and bomd attack down south in 82 and landing 40 Cmdo RM ashore on the Al Fawr in 2003 One of the daftest things I ever did was take a swim but not just any swim.
    Picture a BBQ on the beach with some mates and expats on a sunny private beach in Dubai late 80s quaffing large amonts of Icey Amstels lager munching the burgers and playing volley ball Iron man Jimmy Scr**n says cummon Stan lets take a walk on the pier so off we bimble tinnies in hand, gets to the end and he says race you back and dives off - well fcuk me I couln't help myself and belly flopped in after him. Didn't realise the sea was that rough about 5ft swell - Jimmy he's off like a Spearfisf fcuking tornado and fat Stan is struggling like a beached whale after only five minutes in the water and about 200 yards offshore, no means to get back up on the pier. By this time I had depsited said burgers and Amstels into the Arabian Gulf and taken in a couple of gallons of the salty stuff no not sperm!! Struggling like fcuk and taking longer and longer to come up after each wave put me down and panicking like fcuk no one on the beach even looking out to sea to spot me. Luckily Jim had turned back and one look at his face told me he was worried as fcuk about me. We got back to the beach about 40 long minutes later I was completely knacked, quaffed a beer and all I could think was Stan you daft dozzy cnut it was so fcuking near to me popping my clogs in a stupid drunken moment - there have been lots more but none as close as that. Some of you dozy bastards must have done similar
  2. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Blimey - you kept that quiet, Stan..! :wink:
    • Like Like x 2
  3. Joined Rum Ration and all productivity stopped.
  4. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Yeah, you had that effect on us as well...
  5. Equalised an air set for the 7th time at 30 meters doing a body job. As I left I ran out of gas and got caught in monofilament fishing nets. Saw the white tunnel that day!!!
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2013
  6. I'd been seeing this fine young lady for about a year, she was really nice, decided to take her away to a nice hotel in the New Forest, as we entered the hotel room, I remarked, "Hey this is the one we had last time"........FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK...right room .....wrong pash.....
    • Like Like x 4
  7. I got married
    • Like Like x 3
  8. ... to be honest I still laugh when somebody mentions a gash barge
  9. Beat me to it
  10. Hhmmmmm how to choose the most stupid. Well this was pretty stupid, and I did the same thing twice so I didn't even learn in my youth and ignorance.

    I made a 'gentleman friend' off the internet when I was 17...he was a little older...and after a fairly short period of time we agreed to meet, so made excuses about staying at a friends house and met up. We spent the weekend in a B&B a couple of towns away and all was well - thankfully as no one had a clue where I was.

    The arrangement didn't last, so I ended up meeting someone else a couple of months later and repeated the exercise, at the same B&B, without telling anyone what I was up to. I still cringe to this day at the look the old lady who ran B&B gave me, as I'm sure she thought I was a prostitute. Again, thankfully this man didn't have dreams about burying me under patios...but it was still pretty stupid.
  11. You can't use the "Nurses aptitude tests" as a "most stupid" dit! Struth, now get back out there and do something proper stupid. :grin:
    • Like Like x 1
  12. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    I hung myself for a bet while on a sesh.

    I came to with the lads doing a bit of hasty lifesaving shit on me. It's a quite painless way to go and a real dumb thing to do on the piss, especially if you wander off from the main group of drinkers to find something suitable to dangle from.
  13. I have a talent for breaking the locks on toilets - the worst instance being stuck in one in China for 2 hours in the middle of the night...they eventually had to use a battering ram to break it down
  14. Got locked in a toilet once...

    Some twar didn't bother checking all the cubicles and locked main the door. Had to kick the lock about 25 times to bust it and get it open.

    Posted from the Navy Net mobile app (Android / iOS)
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2013
  15. Getting pissed out of my skull on Carlsberg Special Brew and Woods rum tops then seeing what life as my dhobying whist being dried in a tumble drier is like!!!!!!!!

    If I thought the room was spinning before I certainly did after that!!!!
  16. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I fucked a wasp's nest when ripped to the tits on scrumpy.
  17. So you shagged the nest of a singular wasp. That can't be the most stupid thing you've done.

    I love apostrophes, me :)
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 3
  18. Went to a B&B with a young girl I met on the internet, the old lady who ran the place told me she thought the girl was a prostitute as I was the 18th bloke she'd turned up with that week.
    • Like Like x 4
  19. I knew you'd surface sooner or later....your cheque bounced you bastard!

    Posted from the Navy Net mobile app (Android / iOS)
    • Like Like x 3
  20. Went to the Army vs Navy for my stag do some years back, I won't bore you with the full details, but it culminated in me and my best man jumping stark bollock naked off a 50ft high bridge into the Thames in front of a few thousand drunk matelots and squaddies lining the banks.

    It wasn't stupid because everyone saw my winky and I could've been arrested for indecent exposure, it was stupid because the Thames was full of rusty shopping trolleys and underwater hazards that could've killed me. When we jumped in our feet momentarily got stuck in the mud at the bottom and it was a struggle to swim out, had the bridge been a few feet higher or the water a few feet shallower, Frogman would be digging my gashly tatted corpse out of the silt.

    Also Pat Sharpe was there.

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