Whats it like onboard?

Discussion in 'The Quarterdeck' started by Nicholson, Aug 4, 2006.

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  1. I know this is a bit of a silly question, but im a bit worried that when i go on draft, that im not gonna have a clue what happens or what goes on day to day bases, or wat to do, im on 16 now. Just really need to know what happens onboard, the more detail the better, and be honest. Cheers
  2. This advice on how to recreate the atmosphere of life onboard is not all that far off the mark! :lol:

    Here's how to recapture the atmosphere of the good old days and simulate living onboard ship once more!

    1. Build a shelf in the top of your wardrobe and sleep on it inside a small sleeping bag.
    2. Remove the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that's too small.
    3. Wash your underwear every night in a bucket, then hang it over the water pipes to dry.
    4. Four hours after you go to bed, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a torch in your eyes and say, "sorry mate".
    5. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the centre of your bath and move the shower head to chest level. Store beer barrels in the shower enclosure.
    6. When you shower, remember to turn the water off while you soap.
    7. Every time there is a thunderstorm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you are sick.!!
    8. Put oil instead of water into a humidifier and then set it to high.
    9. Don't watch TV, except for movies in the middle of the night. For added realism, have your family vote for which movie they want to see, then select a different one.
    10. Leave a lawn mower running in your living room 24 hours a day to re-create the proper noise levels.
    11. Have the paper-boy cut your hair.
    12. Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney. Ensure that the wind carries the soot over onto your neighbour's house. When he complains, laugh at him.
    13. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times through out the night. when it goes off, leap out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can and then run into the garden and break out the garden hose.
    14. Invite about 85 people who you don't like to come and stay for a month.
    15. When baking cakes, prop up one side of the tin while it's in the oven. When it has cooled spread icing really thickly on one side to level it out again.
    16. Every so often, throw your cat in the bath and shout "man overboard".
    17. Put on the headphones of your stereo, do not plug them in. Go and stand in front of the dishwasher. Say to nobody in particular, "dishwasher manned and ready Sir". Stand there for three or four hours. Say once, again to nobody in particular, "dishwasher secured". Remove the headphones, roll up the cord and put them away.
  3. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    As written in 1985 for HMS Fife's magazine. I helped write it.

  4. So very very true! But hasn't this topic been done before, and isn't this thread on the wrong board (ie not "Newbie")? If only The Fleet had a moderator....
  5. Wow, I am seriously honoured. It's great to meet someone who actually created one of these pieces that does the rounds. I know this one's been very popular with my oppos.

    I'm very impressed - cheers Levers!
  6. Yeah your right geoffrey , this topic has been done before , seems to be several boards for newbies , :roll:
  7. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    There were a few ones we were not allowed to use as well, and some which mysteriously appeared over the years in various establishment magazines (Sultan Pipeline, for example) But the bones of it are there.


  8. O yes Dabs, only thing is you`re the ******, seeing as though you did 35 years and never kept a watch, but then that`s not a requirement on the fcukin Gosport ferry is it?
    Anyway congratulations for being the second lying WALT to be exposed on here, though unlike the other one who is seen as inoffensive you seem to be getting off on being a nasty bastard .

    So, I deliver you into the capable hands of JD to deal with as she sees fit.
    I know what I`d like to do to you.

    Sad that these wretched people have to do this.

  9. Dabs, there is no need to be offensive to Nicholson. Pick on someone your own age, like me, if you have a psychological need to cause offense, you'd have better reason to do so!

    And now, straying off topic just a little...

    At this rate UA we WALTS will need our very own forum: with a thread for self-confessing lying barstewards and another for those who need to be "named"! :lol: Where do you think it should be located UA? Current Affairs perhaps, or in a new partition called Ship's Cells? :lol:

    Welcome to the club Dabs, if indeed you belong in the Ships Cells? :twisted:
    I want to make it easier for you to confess if you are not ex-RN - it's not easy - I wanted to be swallowed up by quicksand - but the response I received was frankly nothing like as dreadful as I had expected (well apart from good old UA, that is :wink: - but that was understandable under the circumstances!).

    My earlier guise on RR was as Nozzy Nozzer, and I exposed myself - like you do when you cannot live with your guilty conscience... :oops:

    Me: 43 years in civvy street with 14 years in the Auxiliaries (ROC & RNXS): never fired a shot in anger, for that matter never fired a shot! Learned fencing & archery whilst at (comprehensive) school, that's all - not very practical in this day and age! I suffered additional bullying at school for joining the ROC, but it was interesting and I got pocket money whilst in the 5th form. Great! (Uniform upkeep+travel allowance) :lol: I felt a degree of pride in looking smart in my uniform (well sort of, in a uniform that was too big for me) and the fact that I could march and salute - at least I could do something practical which was satisfactory. Incidentally I expect NO sympathy whatsoever Dabs!
  10. Dabs. You were in exactly the same shoes as Nicholson once, you were just as unsure about what was ahead as he is now. If you've nothing helpful to say, say nothing.
  11. Dabs - you're a complete spanner. Why don't you crawl back to wherever you came from.

  12. Young Nich.

    What to expect? Read Daily Orders as that will give you a very brief outline on what is 'due' to take place the next day. Ensure you settle into the Mess as quickly as possible, just as you have no doubt done in training. You will make friends and no doubt, enemies as well.

    You must have had some sort of NMT whilst in training and that should be fairly decent advice on what to expect, locker size, kit to take etc.

    Not sure what trade you are, but if you are in the Warfare branch you will be watch keeping and working during the day. Work will be varied and include all the lovely jobs such as scrubbing out, maintenance of kit, equipment etc, training (Task Book stuff).

    Not sure where you are based at this time. If you are in Collingwood then you are more than welcome to pop in and see me as I work in Mercury building. PM me if you are interested.

    As for Dabs. Mate, you need to get a life and remember that you were in his shoes some years ago. Not every 16 year old has done drugs, booze and humped their way through the beginning of their adolescent years. You are the one who needs to grow up.
  13. Dabs, no need for childs play, comment was deleted and PM sent your way.

  14. Fraid not Dunkers, the pratt is conning you, see he`s never been in the navy. He just wishes he was, sad twat.
    I first thought he was using wrong terminology when he said , `Traveled all over the world during my 35 years with the pusser.`
    He should have said “with the Andrew†or “in the mob†not pusser.
    So I looked at his given Off no. to see when he joined and it worked out at around 1985.
    I don`t know why these sad pretenders bother, Jack has his own phrases and humer and anyone trying to copy them stands out like a sore thumb.

    Of course he is welcome to come back and fight his corner but in the meantime I would suggest the mods give his 15 postings the Oxygen thief tally as a lesson to others.

  15. Well done Jenny, we're all behind you. Good to see the action publically recorded too.


  16. Nice one UA, well worked out :idea:
  17. Dunkers

    He may have just scraped thru if he has said "with Pusser"

    Pusser being the Official, Real, complete or amorphous Navy i.e. "all ships and boats belong to Pusser" You cannot have "with the Pusser" it is a stand alone name.

  18. Yeah I noticed that too.
  19. Didn't pay that much attention, noisy ones like that tend to go away pretty fast if they don't get a rise.


  20. Many thanks for the info shipmate,all I can tell him is what I experienced as a 17 year old going onto my first ship many years ago (1975!!)

    I expect a lot has changed since then but the routine will be basically the same I suppose.

    He is actually going thru his ET(WE) training at the moment and finishes on Oct 7th.

    As for dabs,luckily I didnt see his post!!!

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