This advice on how to recreate the atmosphere of life onboard is not all that far off the mark! :lol:
Here's how to recapture the atmosphere of the good old days and simulate living onboard ship once more!
1. Build a shelf in the top of your wardrobe and sleep on it inside a small sleeping bag.
2. Remove the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that's too small.
3. Wash your underwear every night in a bucket, then hang it over the water pipes to dry.
4. Four hours after you go to bed, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a torch in your eyes and say, "sorry mate".
5. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the centre of your bath and move the shower head to chest level. Store beer barrels in the shower enclosure.
6. When you shower, remember to turn the water off while you soap.
7. Every time there is a thunderstorm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you are sick.!!
8. Put oil instead of water into a humidifier and then set it to high.
9. Don't watch TV, except for movies in the middle of the night. For added realism, have your family vote for which movie they want to see, then select a different one.
10. Leave a lawn mower running in your living room 24 hours a day to re-create the proper noise levels.
11. Have the paper-boy cut your hair.
12. Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney. Ensure that the wind carries the soot over onto your neighbour's house. When he complains, laugh at him.
13. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times through out the night. when it goes off, leap out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can and then run into the garden and break out the garden hose.
14. Invite about 85 people who you don't like to come and stay for a month.
15. When baking cakes, prop up one side of the tin while it's in the oven. When it has cooled spread icing really thickly on one side to level it out again.
16. Every so often, throw your cat in the bath and shout "man overboard".
17. Put on the headphones of your stereo, do not plug them in. Go and stand in front of the dishwasher. Say to nobody in particular, "dishwasher manned and ready Sir". Stand there for three or four hours. Say once, again to nobody in particular, "dishwasher secured". Remove the headphones, roll up the cord and put them away.