What's it like on board.

Discussion in 'The Quarterdeck' started by BuggerAll, Oct 6, 2011.

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  1. Please forgive a visit by a pongo but a, errr, friend may be taking a trip with Grey Funnel Lines and I'm wondering what life on board is like.

    I gather it will be on one of our larger aircraft carriers...

    Anyway what's it like?

    Is working dress acceptable in the Wardroom?

    Is there a NAAFI for buying toothpaste and sweets etc?

    What happens if my trainers fall to bits, can I buy new ones?

    Is there a gym?

    Is there JPA?

    Is there internet access?

    Is there a decent stock of books and DVDs?

    Are there any welfare phones?

    How do you address the Captain of the ship? (He is a Commander - In the Army officers usually call officers of Lt Col and above by their generic rank - Colonel, General etc. So do yuo call him Commander or Captain or Skipper - bit chippy that but...)

    Apologies if the questions appear a bit naive but I have absolutely no info - even the kit list is a HERRICK list with HERRICK crossed out.
  2. Answered what I can but I was a sundodger so probably wrong on most apart from how to address the skipper (you can also call him/her "skips" as well)
  3. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Does you friend like **** sex?

    If not, he's gonna hate Fridays... :shock:
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Whatever... As long as there is no kissing or commitment involved.
  5. There absolutely must be kissing and the odd packet of fags (forgive the pun) thrown in after his arse as been rodgered so it has the appearance of a torn overcoat sleeve. And never allow him to bend down in the shower if he has dropped the soap!!
  6. I had written a long and comprehensive reply which was both witty and informative. Unfortunately, Dii spazzed when I tried to submit it and I can't be arsed to do write it again.

    Hope that helps.

    P.S. We're going to bum you.
  7. Meanwhile back on planet reality. Now that we've done all the bottom puns...
  8. My information might be a bit out of date but this was the routine in HMS Massive:

    • Working dress was quite acceptable in the snack bars and coffee shops in the shopping mall.
    • As in the the Royal Yacht, we dressed for dinner in the wardroom and cocktail hour was 1800 to 1900. The smoking of cigars, pipes and cigarettes was only allowed in the forward ante-room except after mess dinners.
    • My steward attended to my shopping needs if I provided him with a list.
    • What are trainers? Are they the same as Physical Training Instructors?
    • The gymnasium was adjacent to the main swimming pool on 6 deck.
    • JPA? We had several embarked FAA squadrons but no civil airlines.
    • There was no internet but my steward collected and delivered post and laundry each morning.
    • Books were available from the ship's library. I think we had to report to the PMO about DVDs.
    • I don't know about 'welfare' phones but we certainly had sound-powered telephones.
    • As the Massive was such a big ship, I never met the Captain during my five years on board so I never had to call him anything.
  9. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    BuggerAll: Your friend. On board HMS Massive. Next Friday.

  10. My friend won't be dressing like a Naval Rating even while floating about on the high seas. Standards!
  11. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Your "friend" (!!) won't have a choice, when Big Frank from 7D Stokers Mess is biting the back of his neck...
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Shorts and flip flops should be ok for the mess. Make sure your carrying your rigging set though or you will get shouted at. Also any warning pipes can be ignored because your embarked forces so you don't have to follow the rules.
  13. Actually going as part of the crew (or supplementary to it) in a Navy PID. Apparently you lot are short handed.
  14. Your mate will have to attend a mandatory pre-joining course.
    Booking is via J.P.A. Ensure that he can produce a recognised
    certificate for his Divisional Officer when he does his joining

    An instructional video is enclosed:-

    Dance of the flaming ********* 1.MP4 - YouTube

  15. No need for 'bum punching' these days....unless all the 'splitters' are dogs.....:pottytrain2::slow:....or unless said orifice is of of choice.......and I believe Fridays are optional these days...just like every other day of the week.:laughing2:.
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2011
  16. If you are heading for hotter climes make sure your mick is next to a scuttle, this will allow you to insert your wind-scoop making life much more bearable, I am of course assuming that you have the required seniority to benefit from this luxury.
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2011

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