What was your most embarrassing moment?

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Redsailor, Sep 23, 2007.

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  1. Come on we have all had them, so I'll start it off.

    We had been married about a year and with me being on leave we were invited by my mother-in-law to spend a weekend with her. All in all it was a bit of a drag I couldn't wait for the weekend to be over. This had all been arranged whilst I was away at sea and I thought that things couldn't get any worse - but they did.

    Monday morning I awoke looking forward to the trip back home and went into the bathroom to get a shower and noted that my Mrs was already in there showering. So as is my habit I reached around the shower curtain and gave her a playful little slap on the arse. Imagine my shock/horror when the curtain was suddenly ripped aside and I was confronted by my wringing wet totally nude dragon of a mother-in-law ( not a pretty sight) glaring back at me.

    Never had the best of relationships with the woman, but it all turned to deep rats*** from then on LOL.

    Red Sailor
  2. Well, this is one of them: We had just moored up to a buoy in some wild and remote part of Scotland. It was about 2100ish, and after harbour stations had fallen out, I bimbled into the control room, and was sat on the search 'scope having a shuftie around. I heard the voice of my boss (Electrical Officer) behind me asking me what the weather was like. I replied in the naval venacular that it was precipitating heavily (effin'pissing down).
    The gasps of 3 astounded voices caused me to look round from the 'scope, only to find the boss had his mother and father with him! They apparantly lived there, and had come out to meet the boat on their motor boat.
    Oops! ^_^;
    • Funny Funny x 1

  3. Brilliant , bet you could have died , lol ,
  4. Too many to care about both in the Andrew and in the after- life
  5. Every utterance is true.

    Around the age of 10 or 11, my brother and me were given a 'wigwam tent' for christmas. In the summer that followed we had plenty of good times in there doing what little boys do best, whatever that is.

    We were now past the age where we didn't want mum to bath us, it had to be dad, so we must have known the difference between men and women.

    On one particular warm sunny summers day (seems I remember they were all warm and sunny then), we were sitting there eating our Marmite sandwiches when my brother got stung or bitten by something on the balls. Well it got a bit painful and he was almost in tears, so, after a while we went up into the tool shed (called garden sheds now) for a closer look.
    He pulled down his shorts, (couldn't afford underpants in those days), and I am kneeling in front of him with a little stick trying to lift said balls up to have a look at what had happened.
    Now we were never allowed into dads tool shed (didn't need to lock the doors then either), so this aroused our mums attention, who came to see what we were doing behind the closed door.

    Yes this is the embarrasing bit, I am kneeling in front of my brother, him with his shorts around his ankles and me with his balls balanced on a bit of stick trying to look underneith them and in walks mum.

    I can't exactly remember all the details of what happened after that, but I remember we were sent to our bedroom to wait for dad to come home.
    Luckily for us, his balls had swollen up some considerable amount so our story was believed, but boy was it embarrasing when mum walked in on us.

    I have another about VD and how the medical profession lies to us that I might put up later if this thread continues.
  6. I was shagging the missus last week, after I finished I slipped my wetsuit off and went to flush it down the bog, however somebody was in there. So I wrapped it in a tissue and stuck it in the nearest thing I could find, my jacket pocket. I was hoping to dispose of it later on.

    I got a phone call from a friend inviting me down the pub. Whilst stood ordering a drink I reached for my wallet in my pocket and out flew a spunk filled rubber johnny dripping in all its glory onto the bar.

    What really added insult to inury was the fact that my girlfriends catholic father was stood next to me! I could of died.

    How do you explain that?

  7. Are they one and the same?? :thumright:
  8. Unfortunately Skyvet they are the same person. I am not that fortunate to have two birds at once! Am always looking for another though!
  9. Whilst on Rothesay I was on the flight deck when we were along side cleaning the ramming cradle for the Mk 10 mortar covered in crap and generally hacked off.
    A voice behind me said 'What are you doing there then' I replied
    'What the fcuk does it look like'
    I turned round and thought to myself I know the face ,cant quite put a name to it.
    The voice replied 'Ask a stupid question and expect a stupid answer,carry on'
    He crossed over the gangway onto HMS Berwick and disappeared below.

    Very nice bloke, Sub Lt Prince Charles.
  10. I was born - been embarassed to fcuk ever since!!!! :pukel:
  11. Throwing up over the mother-in-law.......but it's a long story and I'm trying to forget it!!! :pukel: :pukel: :pukel: :pukel:
  12. When I was a young killick sparker loafing inboard had done so much sitting down/lounging like a languid lesbian that I got an ingrown hair right up the 'council gritter'/'balloon knot'..........It had begun to affect the way I walked and just before the op to get it cut out/killed the CRS, RS and the rest of my Commcen watch demanded a look at my septic ring whilst the only jenny wren on watch was wetting her lettuce....theres me bent over a pussers filing cabinet, trousers and knicks round my ankles, cheeks apart, bollocks resting on said stowage, comments such as 'its f**kin alive!' and general retching noises from behind me when it all went quiet....I took a cursory glance over my shoulder and there is the charming dayworking admin LWRN, all pristine white summer blouse, make up, high heels etc with a face like she had just found a fresh 'richard' in her handbag.
  13. Being caught streaking on a night out. One of the coppers in the car was my godfather. Luckily after a few stern words I only got a warning.
  14. Surely this must win some sort of award for alliteration.
  15. Many moons ago, I was an altar boy at the local RC church (Honest !!). Part of the pre-service routine was to retrieve the wine and water cruets from beside the altar, let the priest top them up and then replace them ready for the next service.
    One Sunday, went out to collect the gear and found a little drop of wine, so without thinking, downed it, turned around - and found myself looking at about 60 people - 59 pissing themselves laughing, and the other glaring at me like I was the spawn of the devil. She was the one who shopped me, and there I was, aged 10 - a defrocked altar boy. Oh the shame of it!!
  16. Doing my best in charge of the RO's bit during a 'Beat the Retreat' at Zopot (Gdansk) in Poland.
    All went well until the ensign came down at the back of the flight deck, and so did the jackstaff, all precisely in time to the music of course.
    A bootie putting his bayonet through the stabiliser of a helicopter didn't help much either.
    The locals didn't seem to notice the error but it cost me a few beers to keep the RS happy.
    Seems the base of the staff had rusted away and wasn't up to holding the weight of the ensign, and (my excuse), it was a bit windy.
  17. My first ship was the Amazon, one day about 1988ish we were off bull point re-arming the Exocet after a high seas firing, I was manning the Bridge wing lanyard and because I was well taught (beaten) by my Buffer I was paying very strict attention. All was going well for the fisrt 2 missiles but as the 3rd one started over my bessy oppo came up behind me with a cuppa and asked if I needed a relief. My concentration broken, I took the cuppa for a gulp of tea and watched in slow motion as the missile in transit smashed through the bridge windows. Well as you can imagine I was not the skippers favourite matelot for quite some time, he duely fined me the cost of the window and some for the inconveniance but that paled incomparrison to reading the Herald's headline "AMAZON HIT BY EXOCET".....my name was shit!!!

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