What the Romans really did for us......

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by wet_blobby, May 3, 2009.

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  1. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Reading through a history book it dawned on me that the Romans invented or introduced an awful lot of stuff to the UK. Some of this has been overlooked. So in an attempt at future historians getting there facts correct I thought we might enlighten them with some lesser known facts. My first corrections for the history books are:

    1. It has come to light through the study of wooden "writing pads" that in one particular outpost out of 750 odd blokes, 450 ish were either absent or sick. So the Romans invented the "sicky"

    2. One bored squaddie sat in his far flung outpost on Hadrians wall found a manky old chicken one day. Showing the true culinary flair that all soldiers have he put it in a pot, added all the different spices from the Roman empire that he had to hand and muttered the immortal words, "fcuk me lads, grab your racing spoons, this shit's good" His comrades where so impressed with this new culinary delight they named it in honour of their camp. They where stationed at Vindolanda fort at the time.

    3. To stop the bothersome tribe called the Caledonians from continually bimbling south and nicking all the wealth to be found down there the Romans built a big fcuk off wall. This is called Hadrians wall. So by default the Romans invented by this simple method a new country. Today we call it Scotland.

    Anyone else got some new Roman facts for the history books?
  2. The Romans took the local ne'er do wells (chavs) and turned them into slaves. they fed and clothed these ex chavs so the Romans invented The benefit System.

    Unfortunately many years later this system still exists but the Chav no longer has to work for their food & clothing. :evil:
  3. The Roman Legions punishment for bad or un becoming performance
    during battles killing the barbarians was called Decimation -one man in ten was killed as a punishment .

    We went decimal in 1970 and the EEC has been strangling us ever since

  4. They made Kevin McKIdd look good in a skirt!
  5. Introduced Pasta and pizza into Britain and also the first Pizza Hut in York 57BC,the first drive in using chariots came 10 years later.
  6. Whilst Raping Pillaging and Destroying, they so pissed off Boadicea she went on the rampage, thus starting the first Women's Equality Movement. :twisted:
  7. The Romans introduced Lesbienism in Wales through the emporor Offa, Offa and his Dykes were frequently seen " carpet munching" welsh birds on the Boarder.

    After Hadrian, the Romans had to keep the Cornish from stealing chickens from Devon, so they dug the Tamar (sh1tty trench) in Latin, the cornish were so angry about this they started shagging their sisters in protest.
  8. The Roman army also introduced the concept of 'Bulbing'. This novel idea occured when an infantryman got his rate and was promoted to Centurion. On being rated he would have to bend and spread his arse cheeks to quarter to three and all the other existing Centurions in the Legion would form an orderly queue and each would then insert just their bellends or 'bulbs' into old newbies hoop. They wouldn't actually shag him, they'd just place their bulbs in his after gangway, thus, 'bulbing'!

    I myself reinstigated this fine old practice in my department and found it added a humouress and yet strangely bonding aspect to taking one of my lads to the table to be rated. The CO thought it was a hoot!

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