What the fcuk happened???

Well, I got Harry Von turbo crappers last night, I thought Monday was epic but that was ridiculous.

I have a black Port peeper, no shoelace in my starboard mincing bat, a burnhole in my T-shirt and a small 5p size burn on my chest. A bald patch the size of a plaster on my right shin, no money, a cornish Pasty which I have no idea of it's origins.

The last thing I actually remember was telling some dolled up 17 year old upper class horsey type chicks to stop talknig about Harry Potter because Harry Potter is a cnut and fcuks kids, then the Jaeger bombs happened.

Get the fcuk in there! Hooray for Binge drinking on a school night!
 

X.R.D

War Hero
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Well, I got Harry Von turbo crappers last night, I thought Monday was epic but that was ridiculous.

I have a black Port peeper, no shoelace in my starboard mincing bat, a burnhole in my T-shirt and a small 5p size burn on my chest. A bald patch the size of a plaster on my right shin, no money, a cornish Pasty which I have no idea of it's origins.

The last thing I actually remember was telling some dolled up 17 year old upper class horsey type chicks to stop talknig about Harry Potter because Harry Potter is a cnut and fcuks kids, then the Jaeger bombs happened.

Get the fcuk in there! Hooray for Binge drinking on a school night!
I did tell you that taloolah would get you mate. Now check your hoop for the big black rubber protruding object!!! :D
 

X.R.D

War Hero
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Checked, no hoop damage. Always one of the first things I look for when I have a blackout.
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
 

Achmed

Lantern Swinger
X.R.D said:
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Checked, no hoop damage. Always one of the first things I look for when I have a blackout.
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
Whats this then XRD..... no more loose and fast for you then :roll: as long as monty or jeremy is not there the flower girls should be safe.

Good luck 8)
 

X.R.D

War Hero
Achmed said:
X.R.D said:
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Checked, no hoop damage. Always one of the first things I look for when I have a blackout.
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
Whats this then XRD..... no more loose and fast for you then :roll: as long as monty or jeremy is not there the flower girls should be safe.

Good luck 8)
Cheers oppo!! 8) 8)
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
X.R.D said:
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
I did that shit in May.

Top Tip: Make sure you thank the most important person for turning up during your speech, without whom this wonderful day would not be possible, I am of course talking about the barman.
 

X.R.D

War Hero
2_deck_dash said:
X.R.D said:
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
I did that shit in May.

Top Tip: Make sure you thank the most important person for turning up during your speech, without whom this wonderful day would not be possible, I am of course talking about the barman.
Already sorted mate!! :wink:
 
NZ_Bootneck said:
I made under the NBA*Act 2009 a request for CCTV coverage from your area and scanned Youtube so that I could give you the answers to your questions, I discovered the following.
A) Black eye caused by windmilling mighty mong who you abused in the High Street public toilets after checking your social networking message board (Otherwise known as the back of the door of trap 1) and found that you had no responses for your request for 'water sports' partners.
B)You used the shoelace in a pishpoor attempt at auto erotic asphyxiation from a lamppost in Frottage Lane whilst perving into the Nurses Hostel at the back of the Golden Showers Home for the Retired and Incontinent, it snapped as you reached the vinegar strokes and lost conciousness. You came (not literally) oh so close to joining Hutchence and Carradine in the Spunkers Hall of Fame.
C) The bald patch on your shin was achieved at Mindys 24 Hour Sunbed, Waxing and Mobile Phone Top Up salon, where you asked for a 'Sack, Back 'n' Crack' but whimped out after Mindy did a spot test on your shin which caused your sack to shrivel, your crack to go slack and gave your back a spasm worthy of an unlubed prostate examination.
D)No money? Jaeger bombs ring any bells?
E)The origins of Cornish pasties, Kebabs, microwave burgers from Petrol Stations and other Pish Up only foodstuffs are as per usual really best not investigated.
I hope this report goes someway to answering your questions and easing your troubled mind.



NBA Act 2009-Nosey Barstewards and Arscheholes Act
That explains it then, apart from the burn. Could have been a Tazer.
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Well, I got Harry Von turbo crappers last night, I thought Monday was epic but that was ridiculous.

I have a black Port peeper, no shoelace in my starboard mincing bat, a burnhole in my T-shirt and a small 5p size burn on my chest. A bald patch the size of a plaster on my right shin, no money, a cornish Pasty which I have no idea of it's origins.

The last thing I actually remember was telling some dolled up 17 year old upper class horsey type chicks to stop talknig about Harry Potter because Harry Potter is a cnut and fcuks kids, then the Jaeger bombs happened.

Get the fcuk in there! Hooray for Binge drinking on a school night!
You lightweight cnut Monty!

I went for a few quiet ones in 99 and woke up this morning married, 2 kids and my bank account has been raped. How the fcuk did this happen? :angry7:
 
witsend said:
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Well, I got Harry Von turbo crappers last night, I thought Monday was epic but that was ridiculous.

I have a black Port peeper, no shoelace in my starboard mincing bat, a burnhole in my T-shirt and a small 5p size burn on my chest. A bald patch the size of a plaster on my right shin, no money, a cornish Pasty which I have no idea of it's origins.

The last thing I actually remember was telling some dolled up 17 year old upper class horsey type chicks to stop talknig about Harry Potter because Harry Potter is a cnut and fcuks kids, then the Jaeger bombs happened.

Get the fcuk in there! Hooray for Binge drinking on a school night!
You lightweight cnut Monty!

I went for a few quiet ones in 99 and woke up this morning married, 2 kids and my bank account has been raped. How the fcuk did this happen? :angry7:
I fcukin warned you about Helensburgh.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
jesse What the fcuk has happened to Portsmouth? The Gash Barge 42
stan_the_man Goglebox just caught up on the series fcuk me recommended Diamond Lil's 9
stan_the_man I saw this headline and I thought fcuk me I thought Saville had snags Diamond Lil's 1
stan_the_man Stan the sad old fcuk Diamond Lil's 16
stan_the_man Fcuk me awsome Diamond Lil's 5
stan_the_man What the fcuk is this knob talking about and he's not a Crab The Quarterdeck 43
stan_the_man Fcuk Fcuk and more fcuking FCUK Diamond Lil's 8
wet_blobby Fcuk off ******* 2011 Diamond Lil's 13
stan_the_man BBC Radio 2 fcuk up again The Quarterdeck 5
stan_the_man fcuk it Diamond Lil's 0
stan_the_man fcuk me what happening at the British Legion these days Diamond Lil's 4
Rumrat Fcuk that hurt. Diamond Lil's 26
stan_the_man Thank fcuk for !! Diamond Lil's 4
stan_the_man my hard as fcuk cat Diamond Lil's 8
wet_blobby If you're gonna fcuk up, go big. Diamond Lil's 16
W We'd rather fcuk than play footie Diamond Lil's 2
rustyferret Fcuk me what an ordeal Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 9
stan_the_man fcuk my tall hat Diamond Lil's 16
S Thick as fcuk or what ? Diamond Lil's 28
wet_blobby Thank fcuk its friday......... Diamond Lil's 55
wet_blobby Even Biggles can fcuk up..... Diamond Lil's 15
wet_blobby Fcuk it, I've had enough Diamond Lil's 72
wet_blobby Real dumb fcuk jobs Diamond Lil's 36
wet_blobby fcuk it who wants a holiday? The Gash Barge 7
BreathingOutOnTheWayUp Whatever happened to...? The Gash Barge 17
slim What has happened to Social Housing? Diamond Lil's 8
MoD_RSS Speech: "We cannot ignore what has happened in Salisbury." MoD News 0
Hooly Who knows what happened to HMS Duncan Current Affairs 17
P What happened when Superman took on the Commando Challenge Current Affairs 0
digger84 Whatever happened to keeping your dirty laundry private? Current Affairs 6
Ballistic A friend bit him, then this happened... Diamond Lil's 5
Topstop What happened to the search function? Bloody Computers 3
T HMS Daring, just so happened to be in the Southeast Asian region Current Affairs 54
U Has something just happened to HDT travel expenses? Royal Naval Reserve (RNR) 33
Topstop What happened to? The Quarterdeck 0
Rumrat So what the **** happened. Diamond Lil's 21
BillyNoMates Yogi? What the f**k happened to your face? Diamond Lil's 0
Rigsby What the feck has happened to my plums? Hobbies & The Great Indoors 4
T What happened to.... Diamond Lil's 5
rod-gearing What ever happened to: Diamond Lil's 7
K Whatever happened 2 Saturday Nite Diamond Lil's 29
Ja5on What Happened to Warship? The Gash Barge 8
Grim_Reaper Oh dear, it's happened again. Current Affairs 17
Carrolannabelle what ever happened to the D23 The Fleet 39
Polycell So what happened to Nos eights Submariners 45
K What's happened to the uniform The Gash Barge 140
shellbackmac What happened to my dit? The Gash Barge 3
ex_rubberdagger Whats happened to 107 Tp members?? RMR 53
B What's happened to Norman? Site Issues 30
finknottle What Happened to Cdo on the Front Line? The Corps 5
Similar threads


















































Latest Threads

New Posts

Top