What the fcuk happened???

#1
Well, I got Harry Von turbo crappers last night, I thought Monday was epic but that was ridiculous.

I have a black Port peeper, no shoelace in my starboard mincing bat, a burnhole in my T-shirt and a small 5p size burn on my chest. A bald patch the size of a plaster on my right shin, no money, a cornish Pasty which I have no idea of it's origins.

The last thing I actually remember was telling some dolled up 17 year old upper class horsey type chicks to stop talknig about Harry Potter because Harry Potter is a cnut and fcuks kids, then the Jaeger bombs happened.

Get the fcuk in there! Hooray for Binge drinking on a school night!
 
#2
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Well, I got Harry Von turbo crappers last night, I thought Monday was epic but that was ridiculous.

I have a black Port peeper, no shoelace in my starboard mincing bat, a burnhole in my T-shirt and a small 5p size burn on my chest. A bald patch the size of a plaster on my right shin, no money, a cornish Pasty which I have no idea of it's origins.

The last thing I actually remember was telling some dolled up 17 year old upper class horsey type chicks to stop talknig about Harry Potter because Harry Potter is a cnut and fcuks kids, then the Jaeger bombs happened.

Get the fcuk in there! Hooray for Binge drinking on a school night!
I did tell you that taloolah would get you mate. Now check your hoop for the big black rubber protruding object!!! :D
 
#4
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Checked, no hoop damage. Always one of the first things I look for when I have a blackout.
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
 

Achmed

Lantern Swinger
#5
X.R.D said:
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Checked, no hoop damage. Always one of the first things I look for when I have a blackout.
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
Whats this then XRD..... no more loose and fast for you then :roll: as long as monty or jeremy is not there the flower girls should be safe.

Good luck 8)
 
#6
Achmed said:
X.R.D said:
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Checked, no hoop damage. Always one of the first things I look for when I have a blackout.
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
Whats this then XRD..... no more loose and fast for you then :roll: as long as monty or jeremy is not there the flower girls should be safe.

Good luck 8)
Cheers oppo!! 8) 8)
 
#8
X.R.D said:
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
I did that shit in May.

Top Tip: Make sure you thank the most important person for turning up during your speech, without whom this wonderful day would not be possible, I am of course talking about the barman.
 
#9
2_deck_dash said:
X.R.D said:
Havent had one of those in a while mate but this weekend could get uber messy after the trauma of standing in front of 150 people whilst getting hitched!!! 8O 8O
I did that shit in May.

Top Tip: Make sure you thank the most important person for turning up during your speech, without whom this wonderful day would not be possible, I am of course talking about the barman.
Already sorted mate!! :wink:
 
#10
NZ_Bootneck said:
I made under the NBA*Act 2009 a request for CCTV coverage from your area and scanned Youtube so that I could give you the answers to your questions, I discovered the following.
A) Black eye caused by windmilling mighty mong who you abused in the High Street public toilets after checking your social networking message board (Otherwise known as the back of the door of trap 1) and found that you had no responses for your request for 'water sports' partners.
B)You used the shoelace in a pishpoor attempt at auto erotic asphyxiation from a lamppost in Frottage Lane whilst perving into the Nurses Hostel at the back of the Golden Showers Home for the Retired and Incontinent, it snapped as you reached the vinegar strokes and lost conciousness. You came (not literally) oh so close to joining Hutchence and Carradine in the Spunkers Hall of Fame.
C) The bald patch on your shin was achieved at Mindys 24 Hour Sunbed, Waxing and Mobile Phone Top Up salon, where you asked for a 'Sack, Back 'n' Crack' but whimped out after Mindy did a spot test on your shin which caused your sack to shrivel, your crack to go slack and gave your back a spasm worthy of an unlubed prostate examination.
D)No money? Jaeger bombs ring any bells?
E)The origins of Cornish pasties, Kebabs, microwave burgers from Petrol Stations and other Pish Up only foodstuffs are as per usual really best not investigated.
I hope this report goes someway to answering your questions and easing your troubled mind.



NBA Act 2009-Nosey Barstewards and Arscheholes Act
That explains it then, apart from the burn. Could have been a Tazer.
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
#11
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Well, I got Harry Von turbo crappers last night, I thought Monday was epic but that was ridiculous.

I have a black Port peeper, no shoelace in my starboard mincing bat, a burnhole in my T-shirt and a small 5p size burn on my chest. A bald patch the size of a plaster on my right shin, no money, a cornish Pasty which I have no idea of it's origins.

The last thing I actually remember was telling some dolled up 17 year old upper class horsey type chicks to stop talknig about Harry Potter because Harry Potter is a cnut and fcuks kids, then the Jaeger bombs happened.

Get the fcuk in there! Hooray for Binge drinking on a school night!
You lightweight cnut Monty!

I went for a few quiet ones in 99 and woke up this morning married, 2 kids and my bank account has been raped. How the fcuk did this happen? :angry7:
 
#12
witsend said:
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
Well, I got Harry Von turbo crappers last night, I thought Monday was epic but that was ridiculous.

I have a black Port peeper, no shoelace in my starboard mincing bat, a burnhole in my T-shirt and a small 5p size burn on my chest. A bald patch the size of a plaster on my right shin, no money, a cornish Pasty which I have no idea of it's origins.

The last thing I actually remember was telling some dolled up 17 year old upper class horsey type chicks to stop talknig about Harry Potter because Harry Potter is a cnut and fcuks kids, then the Jaeger bombs happened.

Get the fcuk in there! Hooray for Binge drinking on a school night!
You lightweight cnut Monty!

I went for a few quiet ones in 99 and woke up this morning married, 2 kids and my bank account has been raped. How the fcuk did this happen? :angry7:
I fcukin warned you about Helensburgh.
 

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