What makes a Woman a Woman?

Small feet, so they can get closer to the kitchen sink.

Causing monthly misery to men

Use of language only women understand:


1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?


40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
The ability to drag me around town for three hours only to go back to the first bloody shop we went to and buy the damn thing!!
What woman actually think of MEN

1. If a mans lips are moving, he is lying
2. What are the qualities men look for in a woman? They breath
3. Men are like carpet tiles, if you lay them properly first time you can walk on them for the rest of your life
4. Women fake orgasms because men fake foreplay
5. After God had created man, she said, “I can do better than thisâ€
6. Husband, “Want a quickieâ€. Wife,†As opposed to whatâ€
7. Men prefer blondes as they like intellectual company
8. Colonel Sanders was a typical male caring only for breasts, legs and thighs
9. What is a man with half a brain, ‘Gifted’
10. Men want to marry virgins so they can’t be criticised
11. Men don’t have a mid life crises as they never get past adolescence
12. If you have a man by the balls his heart and mind will surely follow
13. Women wear a bra when they have little to put in it. Men wear boxer shorts for they same reason
14. Gross stupidity is 144 men in the same room
15. Men give names to their penises because they like to be on first name basis with the one that make all the decisions in their lives
16. God created man because she knew a vibrator could not mow the lawn
17. Most woman would not sleep with two men because there is a limit to the incompetence they are willing to accept
18. Men never go to the doctors as they are afraid that they may be returned as damaged goods
19. Little boys whine because they are practicing to be men
20. There are people you can confuse all the time, ‘MEN’
21. Marriage is the price men pay for sex. Sex is the price woman pay for marriage
22. A woman who aspires to be equal to men is hopelessly un-ambitious
23. Men never cook pancakes because they are useless tossers
24. God gave men both a brain and a penis but only sufficient blood to make one work at a time.


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