What it means to be British

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Capn_Pugwash, May 22, 2008.

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  1. Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

    And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

    Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

    Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

    Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating


    3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

    142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

    58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of

    31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the

    Fairy lights were plugged in.

    19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

    British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas

    Cracker-pulling accidents.

    18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

    A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth...

    5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

    And finally...

    In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

    Makes you proud, dont it.

  2. Exept Barclays where they have dispensers and say help yourself to pens.
    They are crap so I have 5 to last me the week. :dwarf:
  3. Poor matelots! Don't the Navy provide enough bottle openers these days! :biggrin:

    PMSL Capn. :thumright:
  4. Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    I disagree with that as all our service clocks only have 8 mins on them as per the goverment statistics required for response times.
  5. Dis am wot it means, " Ello dere, dis am de new King spikkin "
  6. Having to be very careful about what you say, and who you say it to.
  7. Higthepig
    you been on the piss today mate - no problem, men of a certain age get that way
  8. Not at all mate, just trying to get this site back to being INTERESTING, nice one Streaky.

    Having to be very careful about what you say, and who you say it to.

    My forefathers fought for the right to Free Speech, whats the problem?

    Say what you mean, I will back you to the hilt your right to say it.
  9. Good on yer mate wasn't having a go
  10. Only the British don't need to endlessly agonise over who they are nor what it means.
  11. Surely that should read: Only the English.....

    With all this discussion I've been reading about in the Herald about whether Gailic should become the official language of Scotland and of the Scottish Parliament, I'm not so sure. Then we have the Welsh and Cornish nationalist identity movements. Only the English feel nonchallant about their "national" day. After all, we know who we are (says quarter English thingy :lol: )!
  12. Having the god given right to pronounce any foreign word how we like.
    [attributed to W S Churchill]
  13. I am lucky to be British by birth, but English by the grace of God.
  14. Only two peoples reside in England.....
    Yorkshiremen and those that wish they were . :thumright:

    ..stands by for incoming !!

  15. Disagree.

    When you lead a walk over the mountains and meadows/bogs and are the only one with a map and compass I is da boss. And I says what I wants. :bball:

    Being British is being able to pick up a map and plot a walk through field hill mountain, meadow or back garden. Unique to the UK and long may it be that way. Although Madonna had her footpath closed alongside her property did she not!!
  16. Yeah and if you hang about it with a camera and a large lens Mr Plod will come along and move you on!!!
  17. silverfox

    silverfox War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Doesn't everyone have that arrangement at their home in the Cotswolds??

  18. :toilet: :tp: The North, of which Yorkshire is part of apparently, is the bit past the Watford Gap heading towards the North Pole. Full of Scousers, Jocks, Tykes, Yorky Bars, ferrets, clogs and dark Satanic Mills. Its only bright spot being Newcastle and Gateshead possibly the greatest run ashore in the whole world.

    Do you really think that anyone who comes from the south where not only do the majority of the population live but where they earn the majority of the income for UK PLC would really want to to go to Yorkshire to live or want to claim any Northern birthright.

    Just make sure you have your flat cap on next time you go down to check the pigeons you seem to be getting a touch of the sun to the head.

  19. North Yorkshire, yes. The biggest snag is the distance from London.

    I have a number of colleagues who live in that part of the world and weekend it.

    The weather in the South is certainly better, but the scenery is bland and the population lack any real warmth.

    OTOH I also have colleagues from Gateshead, and Newcastle, who say they'd never move back. Personally speaking I doubt I'd ever move back to Scotland.

    Anyway, to the main point, a big part of britishness for many appears to be the ability to hold multiple, contradictory and in many cases mutually exclusive positions in the same world view :D
  20. Actually Mr Plod informed Madonna at the time that the footpath usage was another pair of eyes watching over her property. From the norm walkers that is. Mind a norm walker would be happy to click her for a few extra bob.

    Last week in the area of Shap in Cumbria when walking a recce for the group a footpath walked through a garden alongside the swings the kiddies played on!!

    I thought this unbelievable I would be none to happy about strangers walking through my garden when the kids where playing.

    On the other hand that would be a small wedge into the closure of all footpaths over farmers fields would it not??

    The unique footpath system the UK has brings in millions in walking tourism every year. Far more than that family in London ever did!!!

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