Right I'm sitting building cardboard boxes for my upcoming house move and the war office is clearing a draw out that I use for my ditties. She suddenly looks at me and says "I cannot believe you would sit and write a song about shite" What after 27 years she doesn't know me. So I thought I would share it with you discerning lot, it's more your Once I had a shit and I was stupefied, The smell was fuckin awful and to my surprise, I walked into the kitchen and you dropped down on your knees,You clasped your hands together and you spoke these words to me. Chorus. Go on now go, walk out that door, The house smells like a pig sty, I can't take it anymore, I should have known that when I met you, and you was in the Royal Navy, That your shit would smell disgusting, and you would be this foul round me. It took all my concentration not to fall apart, To hold my cheeks together, so I didn't fart, I knew that if I dropped one, it could mean a swift divorce, The things I had been drinking made my shit smell like a horse. Chorus Go on now go etc. I think I need the toilet yes I need to go, If I should do it by you then you will throw, Its disgusting and it lingers, cus I'm a filthy prick, I keep scuppering the Pussers and the smell makes you real sick. Chorus. The promises I made you not to shit indoors, That leave those lingering odours on the walls and floors, I'm so sorry that I broke them, but they are so hard to keep, And the shit now in the toilet bowl is at least a fathom deep. Chorus. I've got skidders in my chinkies, and crap down my leg, I keep on shooting baddies even though you beg, I just don't seem to control it, no matter how I try, The smells crept in my pay-book and now my next of Kin all cry. Go on now go fuck off outside, the smell is fuckin awful and its like the tide, Every time I think I've cleared it and the smell as started to thin, You shit another bucket and the fucker comes back in, Go on now go.........etc.