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What do Crabs do...

Welshy

Lantern Swinger
If anyone ever wondered what Crabs do all day then a programme has just started on ITV which will reveal all ( apparently!)..."Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Action Stations".
 
MLP mustered and stood by for a bit of crab baiting, always available.

Here's an example of what they do from a trip I had to crab stores yesterday:

"Morning can I have some 4's keks please?"

Have you sent us a chit via email?

"Yes, 5 weeks ago and as always, they didn't turn up and I'm at sea in 2 weeks"

Submit a query chit then.

"Why? I've got my kit record book, I'm here and I can see the keks I want behind you."

You have to email us the chit.

"I've travelled 10 miles to do this, and I can see the fcuking keks behind you"

No chit, no kit.

"Don't be a cnut, give me the trousers"

I can't, you have to email a chit and we send the kit on to you.

"Right, print me out a cnuting chit and I'll fill it in now"

No, youi have to email it.

"Let me log on to that computer there then"

No, we're using it and you couldn't use it anyway you're not from this station.

"Give me the trousers"

No

"Trousers"

No

"Now"

No

"Cnut"

Excuse me?

"Just give me the trousers or I'll kill you"

I'm not allowed

"You're not allowed to go and pick up those keks that are 4 feet away, hand them to me and sign my kit record book?"

No, you have to ema.........

"CUNTO!"
 
They travel from their Married Quarters to work (less than a mile) in the car, and wearing the stinking overalls thay have had on all month, because wearing clean ones singles you out as being workshy!!!!
 
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
MLP mustered and stood by for a bit of crab baiting, always available.

Here's an example of what they do from a trip I had to crab stores yesterday:

"Morning can I have some 4's keks please?"

Have you sent us a chit via email?

"Yes, 5 weeks ago and as always, they didn't turn up and I'm at sea in 2 weeks"

Submit a query chit then.

"Why? I've got my kit record book, I'm here and I can see the keks I want behind you."

You have to email us the chit.

"I've travelled 10 miles to do this, and I can see the fcuking keks behind you"

No chit, no kit.

"Don't be a cnut, give me the trousers"

I can't, you have to email a chit and we send the kit on to you.

"Right, print me out a cnuting chit and I'll fill it in now"

No, youi have to email it.

"Let me log on to that computer there then"

No, we're using it and you couldn't use it anyway you're not from this station.

"Give me the trousers"

No

"Trousers"

No

"Now"

No

"Cnut"

Excuse me?

"Just give me the trousers or I'll kill you"

I'm not allowed

"You're not allowed to go and pick up those keks that are 4 feet away, hand them to me and sign my kit record book?"

No, you have to ema.........

"CUNTO!"

Fcuk me and i thought pussers stores were bad!!

can i have a bivvi bag

No we havent got any

What are those behind you then

You get the idea :roll:
 
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
MLP mustered and stood by for a bit of crab baiting, always available.

Here's an example of what they do from a trip I had to crab stores yesterday:

"Morning can I have some 4's keks please?"

Have you sent us a chit via email?

"Yes, 5 weeks ago and as always, they didn't turn up and I'm at sea in 2 weeks"

Submit a query chit then.

"Why? I've got my kit record book, I'm here and I can see the keks I want behind you."

You have to email us the chit.

"I've travelled 10 miles to do this, and I can see the fcuking keks behind you"

No chit, no kit.

"Don't be a cnut, give me the trousers"

I can't, you have to email a chit and we send the kit on to you.

"Right, print me out a cnuting chit and I'll fill it in now"

No, youi have to email it.

"Let me log on to that computer there then"

No, we're using it and you couldn't use it anyway you're not from this station.

"Give me the trousers"

No

"Trousers"

No

"Now"

No

"Cnut"

Excuse me?

"Just give me the trousers or I'll kill you"

I'm not allowed

"You're not allowed to go and pick up those keks that are 4 feet away, hand them to me and sign my kit record book?"

No, you have to ema.........

"CUNTO!"

MLP I know how you feel, I too have been a victim of RAF stackers. Mid 80s I wanted to change my wooly pully because of small holes in it (battery acid).

Morning says I to stacker, would like to change my pully, it's got holes in it.
Stacker takes a look.

No says the stacker, it's still useable.

No it isn't says I.

I will change it if you are ordered to do so by an officer, says the stacker.

So of I trot, see the boss and ask him to order me to change the pully. He thought I had been on the wacky baccy, but did order me to change it.

Off back to stores to see "friendly stacker"

I have been ordered by FLt Lt ***** to change the wooly pully and he is on ext **** if you want to speak to him, says I.

Stacker grunts and hands over new pully.

F***ing jobsworth peasant.
 
Or even better

Can I have and XYZ please

Sorry none available

But that is an XYZ behind you

Yes that is minimum stock.

So let me have it

No it is not available

Why

Because it is minimum stock

and so on and so on.

The stores stories are probably as old as the hills if not older.


As for 'What do Crabs do@, I thought the answer was 'As little as possible'
 
Ex RD you forgot the old line about, "no I can't issue it, its the last one and some one might need it".

Stackers don't you just love them.
 
Crabman said:
Ex RD you forgot the old line about, "no I can't issue it, its the last one and some one might need it".

Stackers don't you just love them.

Oh fcuk yeah.

There was a time when us rubbers had to buy our own Bergens and bivvi bags because the Corps was too tight to fund any decent kit for us. So there we were on exercise with perce who had all the new gucchi kit and us with a selection of bergens ranging from PLCE to berghaus Vulcan and Roc with 58 pattern fighting order or Arktis chest rig bought out of our own pockets.

Thank fcuk the Corps seems to have pulled its fingers out
 
I can't say my views of the Crabs changed having watched the programme last night. Highlights included them struggling on survival courses and posing naked for a calendar. Hmm.
 
Welshy said:
I can't say my views of the Crabs changed having watched the programme last night. Highlights included them struggling on survival courses and posing naked for a calendar. Hmm.

I missed that, fortunately.
 

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