What do Crabs do...

Discussion in 'Films, Music, TV & All Things Artsy' started by Welshy, Mar 11, 2009.

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  1. If anyone ever wondered what Crabs do all day then a programme has just started on ITV which will reveal all ( apparently!)..."Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Action Stations".
  2. 'Action' sounds a bit strong - shouldn't it be 'Air' ...
  3. Standby, Sounds like this one is going to be entertaining!!!!!!

    Just getting warmed up!!!
  4. :lol: :lol: love the new Avatar :roll: :roll:
  5. MLP mustered and stood by for a bit of crab baiting, always available.

    Here's an example of what they do from a trip I had to crab stores yesterday:

    "Morning can I have some 4's keks please?"

    Have you sent us a chit via email?

    "Yes, 5 weeks ago and as always, they didn't turn up and I'm at sea in 2 weeks"

    Submit a query chit then.

    "Why? I've got my kit record book, I'm here and I can see the keks I want behind you."

    You have to email us the chit.

    "I've travelled 10 miles to do this, and I can see the fcuking keks behind you"

    No chit, no kit.

    "Don't be a cnut, give me the trousers"

    I can't, you have to email a chit and we send the kit on to you.

    "Right, print me out a cnuting chit and I'll fill it in now"

    No, youi have to email it.

    "Let me log on to that computer there then"

    No, we're using it and you couldn't use it anyway you're not from this station.

    "Give me the trousers"







    Excuse me?

    "Just give me the trousers or I'll kill you"

    I'm not allowed

    "You're not allowed to go and pick up those keks that are 4 feet away, hand them to me and sign my kit record book?"

    No, you have to ema.........

  6. Brilliant, had the same problem at Wittering, without the fight!
  7. They travel from their Married Quarters to work (less than a mile) in the car, and wearing the stinking overalls thay have had on all month, because wearing clean ones singles you out as being workshy!!!!
  8. OK, not 'Air' then, maybe 'Despair' ...
  9. Fcuk me and i thought pussers stores were bad!!

    can i have a bivvi bag

    No we havent got any

    What are those behind you then

    You get the idea :roll:
  10. MLP I know how you feel, I too have been a victim of RAF stackers. Mid 80s I wanted to change my wooly pully because of small holes in it (battery acid).

    Morning says I to stacker, would like to change my pully, it's got holes in it.
    Stacker takes a look.

    No says the stacker, it's still useable.

    No it isn't says I.

    I will change it if you are ordered to do so by an officer, says the stacker.

    So of I trot, see the boss and ask him to order me to change the pully. He thought I had been on the wacky baccy, but did order me to change it.

    Off back to stores to see "friendly stacker"

    I have been ordered by FLt Lt ***** to change the wooly pully and he is on ext **** if you want to speak to him, says I.

    Stacker grunts and hands over new pully.

    F***ing jobsworth peasant.
  11. Or even better

    Can I have and XYZ please

    Sorry none available

    But that is an XYZ behind you

    Yes that is minimum stock.

    So let me have it

    No it is not available


    Because it is minimum stock

    and so on and so on.

    The stores stories are probably as old as the hills if not older.

    As for 'What do Crabs do@, I thought the answer was 'As little as possible'
  12. Ex RD you forgot the old line about, "no I can't issue it, its the last one and some one might need it".

    Stackers don't you just love them.
  13. Oh fcuk yeah.

    There was a time when us rubbers had to buy our own Bergens and bivvi bags because the Corps was too tight to fund any decent kit for us. So there we were on exercise with perce who had all the new gucchi kit and us with a selection of bergens ranging from PLCE to berghaus Vulcan and Roc with 58 pattern fighting order or Arktis chest rig bought out of our own pockets.

    Thank fcuk the Corps seems to have pulled its fingers out
  14. I can't say my views of the Crabs changed having watched the programme last night. Highlights included them struggling on survival courses and posing naked for a calendar. Hmm.
  15. I missed that, fortunately.
  16. Getting back to the subject.

    "Spend a lot of money on PR" to hide the fact they are a money wasting, unproffesional bunch of civvies in rig!

    I know, in my new job I can now see it from another angle!

    (Called a Air Marshall mate the other day, made me feel good) Saw him looking in disgust at my RN id lanyard!!!!!!
  17. Only worked with ex-crabs in BAe for about 8 years in the Middle East, and that was enough for a fckng lifetime thank you very much....you can only drink so many pints of milk and sing Bobby Shafto before it begins to pall a bit !!
  18. Interesting question that one. Like the crab pilot during a documentary a few years ago said - as near word perfect as I can remember it - "Well if I don't get the posting I want I'm certainly going to resign my commission." Had me cheesing down and creaming my knicks that one did. What next ?
  19. Could this thread cause the resurrection of A_A in another guise :roll:
  20. I hope so, I enjoyed dismantling that throbber.

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