What did you do to waste a good week end

Sumo

War Hero
Discovered the trick at these events really adventurous the one likely to get her tits out!

Only look for one sort of entertainment, as the other has a habit of finding me without me ever having to look.

Forgot to add looking for the female most likely to fall out leads to the other, either a bitch fight as some woman takes to the other female or offence to their partner getting an eye full or the titty woman’s partner taking offence at to many blokes watching his misses
 
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MG Maniac

War Hero
Which is why I'm normally attached firmly to the bar as an interested on looker .... can't give up too many voyeruistic opportunities!
 
Many moons ago I went on the lash with my oppo who had come up homers with me to Tamworth.
Now before various submariners who live close, jump in, Tamworth is not exactly a throbbing metropolis, but it does have stacks of pubs, some of which, at weekends, get taken over as epicentres for the younger generation, and ooze with fanny.
With this thought in mind we swoop on the liveliest and ensconce ourselves into the hub.
Unfortunately, I was in a thirsty mood and was concentrating more on the brew than the birds. Big mistake.
At about 10 pints o'clock I trapped a really essence bird, and took her home. I did however carry on drinking so even though I walked from her drum to mine about 3 miles, I was still under the weather when I arrived home.
Sunday morning and I am relating the fact of my conquest to my oppo and mummy (leaving out the licentious bits) and my mum asks her name. When I told her I get the raised eyebrows bit. I questioned the look and was told oh just didn't seem like your normal type, thats all.
Anyways next friday night I tips up at Stafford (she was an art student at uni there) and jumps a fast black to the address she has given me.
When I rings the bell a pretty but fat bird opens the door.
"Sandra ..........." I asks?
"Come in" she replies, so I trails in to the hall expecting fatty to go fetch Sandra.
"Didn't think you'd remember me or come if you did" the fat bird says.
We need to get to the party she tells me and drags me out to the street where we are scooped up by a couple in an old ford Anglia and driven to a throbbing party at a student drum.
I hung around trying to trap but no joy as everyone knew I was "Sandra's" chap.
At pipe down I was stuck in a sleeping bag with this horror and she was trying all roads to liberate me from my underwear, and I was doing a very good roll reversal feigning head ache and sickness.
I sneaked out in the night and thumbed it back to Tamworth, was that shagged I slept until it was time to go to New Street for the ride back to Pompey.
Wasted weekend or what?


Epilogue. Two years later I was out in Tamworth and this really fit bird says hello to me. I say hello and am looking puzzled as to how she knows me.
I'm Sandra she says, Sandra ....... I thought you would recognise me even with my clothes on she says.
Lucky bastard one of the crowd mutters, wish I had. Wish I could remember says I.
She did not want a replay......funny that.
Whilst deployed out the Gulf on Manchester I and my oppo indulged in that favourite matelots pastime the "penpal"
On our return to the UK we go on leave and decide to visit a few with regards to adding a few notches to the headboard.
We headed off to the delightful Middlesborough in my oppos TR7 he had be writing to mines flatmate, we pull up outside their gaff and ring the bell his answered the door and was fcuking divs she invited us in and my elephant of a fat fcucking heffer is spread across the sofa. I call time out to my oppo and we disappear back to the car I tell him in no uncertain terms we are taking billy big steps out of town and up to Edingburgh for our next encounter, he say fcuk of Stan I've got to slip the pig to mine indulge me and lets just spend 1 night, like a cnut I relented and we decided as a foursome to go down to the local working mens club. As you car buffs probably know the TR7 had a soft top and was only a 2 seater the fat lass was in the back and I'm sure the rear wheel were off the ground as we drove down the road.
I decides to get wankered at the bar while my Oppo swaps spit all night with the divs bird. Come closing time we head off back to their gaff and Tim goes for a shagathon and I pass out on the munters bed only to be woken up at about 3am by the fat lass screaming at me cos I was pissing in her wardrobe.
Edingburgh was much better and I feel another dit coming on!!
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Whilst deployed out the Gulf on Manchester I and my oppo indulged in that favourite matelots pastime the "penpal"
On our return to the UK we go on leave and decide to visit a few with regards to adding a few notches to the headboard.
We headed off to the delightful Middlesborough in my oppos TR7 he had be writing to mines flatmate, we pull up outside their gaff and ring the bell his answered the door and was fcuking divs she invited us in and my elephant of a fat fcucking heffer is spread across the sofa. I call time out to my oppo and we disappear back to the car I tell him in no uncertain terms we are taking billy big steps out of town and up to Edingburgh for our next encounter, he say fcuk of Stan I've got to slip the pig to mine indulge me and lets just spend 1 night, like a cnut I relented and we decided as a foursome to go down to the local working mens club. As you car buffs probably know the TR7 had a soft top and was only a 2 seater the fat lass was in the back and I'm sure the rear wheel were off the ground as we drove down the road.
I decides to get wankered at the bar while my Oppo swaps spit all night with the divs bird. Come closing time we head off back to their gaff and Tim goes for a shagathon and I pass out on the munters bed only to be woken up at about 3am by the fat lass screaming at me cos I was pissing in her wardrobe.
Edingburgh was much better and I feel another dit coming on!!

So I gets a letter from a bird my mom worked with, she's seen some pics mom was flashing of me at work.
Can we write one another she asks I'd love to write to a sailor.
I passed the letter to "Buck Taylor" my oppo and forget it. About 18 months later we come back from the far flung and I tootles off on leave.
This bird and my own are at New Street station and I spends a week explaining to one the wedding is off and to the other I am innocent. Fuckin Buck fuckin Taylor, he was a good oppo once.
 
D'you hear there, Bernard's naval tailors are now in attendance on the Jetty.
Ha mucker them fcukers made a mint out of me, Jack Blair (fcukin hate Blair) only cos I was too lazy to iron my civvies or go into town. I had dodgy credit so used to use my mates account just before he went on draft to Pompey
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Your clothes were all made by Bernard's,
And there s ships side grey paint in your hair,
yes there is.

This song does not include wrecker for obvious reasons.
 

WreckerL

War Hero
Super Moderator
Your clothes were all made by Bernard's,
And there s ships side grey paint in your hair,
yes there is.

This song does not include wrecker for obvious reasons.

Never used Bernards, funnily enough when we came back they never used to turn up on the jetty. Always the first pipe when I was a skimmer though, especially in Malta.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Never used Bernards, funnily enough when we came back they never used to turn up on the jetty. Always the first pipe when I was a skimmer though, especially in Malta.

In 69 when they landed on the moon guess what?
Bernard's naval tailors are now.........
 
Saturday I went for a nice walk and had lunch out with Mrs R-G.
Sunday I went to work and saw mainly dead people and people who should know better than call for an ambulance because they feel funny.
 
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