What a Cock up!

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by seafarer1939, Jul 5, 2011.

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  1. My Grandson phoned to ask my advice re.
    His wife is pregnant and in the Maternity Ward of the Local Hospital
    His girlfriend is pregnant and in the same ward of the same hospital two beds away!
    How does he visit them?
    Stupid twat couldn't get his timing right on top of that he bent the steering wheel of his Mini trying to get his leg over in the front seat with a hefty repair bill!
    Brains? he ain't got a lot of so I've told him to bugger off and get it sorted but I still would like to see how he manages to get out of this one.
    He's obviously not a Matelot we would have had more care but what a Wanker.
    I'm sure some of the more enlightened in this forum would have an answer but I can't be arsed even if he is Family.
     
  2. Simple. All he has to do is arrange for one of them to be moved so they are in adjacent beds, then he can visit both at the same time.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Point 'im here:

    Jeremy Kyle | Be a guest - ITV Lifestyle
     
  4. Your grandson sounds awesome. Can I be his friend?
     
  5. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Me too. Mind you, i hope his milkman is ugly.
     
  6. If his girlfriend knows about the wife its simple.
    If she don't it's satirical.
     
  7. Fixed that for you
     
  8. Well if girlfriend knows he's married it's easy but if she don't then he needs an accident.
    He'll have one any way if the Mrs cottons on.
     
  9. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    He's clearly not a jaffa - sure he's not adopted..?! :shock: :twisted:
     
  10. Take bets on which one pops out first. Then come back in 18 years.
     
  11. Ahem! I tend to think "Cock Up" is some how an inapropriate title for this thread, given your priapic gradsons predisposition for "rush to procreate" lifestyle. Poor fellow, I really do sympathise with his situation but as previously stated in another thread, "I care nothing for his preicament for I have a place within the lifeboat", or to put it another way, "Your story of woe has really touched my heart, Rarely have I met a man with such a tale of woe as yours, now Fuck Off, your giving me a headache."
     
  12. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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    Whatever, but half of RR are clamouring at the ringside now, awaiting developments....

    So be sure to keep us posted, SF. :-D :evil5:
     
  13. And look on the bright side. 2 great grandchildren to babysit, buy chrissy and birthday prezzies for etc etc
     
  14. Pervert.
    Think bottles, milky spew,bawling, shit.
     
  15. Wimmins part of ship.
     
  16. Yeah till they pull a Michael Lyons on you.:-D
     
  17. Ageing_Gracefully

    Ageing_Gracefully War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    How does that toast you Nauticals use go again:

    To wives & sweethearts

    May they never meet.

    Obviously SF has not brung his grandkids up proper.
     
  18. Just to put the matter straight! I have 5 sons and 2 daughters and have not a lot to do with them even less with the Grandkids so what they do is of no great concern.
    When the sons reached 18 and the daughters married I told them that's it,I've brought you all up so keep in touch if you want but your mother and me are going to enjoy the rest we have left,you make your own way in life and deal with what comes.
    Most of them have.
    They do visit sometimes but I won't be arsed about problems or money worries from them.
    They have to live their own life so this problem of the grandkid won't lose me any sleep.
    I just thought I'd mention it to show how thick some people can be.
    He won't get a place at Raleigh now!
     
  19. Well said seafarer, wise words from a right minded shellback, your health good sir!
     
  20. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    You think? He sounds like an ideal candidate. When the kids are born, i want to hear tales of him skiffing the midwife during the birth.
     

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