Well I'm a Wimp apparently

Right so I'm Australian and was brought up in Oz.
Now everyone who knows my background does the wide eyes surprised look when they are told face to face of one of my fears (I have two)
I do not like under any circumstances any size colour or variation spiders.
I hate the eight legged furry little fuckers to the 100th decimal point. Maybe more.
I was telling some English bloke once and he gets this big hairy fucker in his hand and starts tormenting me with it. I tells him he wants to be careful it don't bite him and he laughs "British spiders aren't poisonous".
I tell him all spiders are and he laughs.
Then the fucker up and bit him and his hand swelled up to fuck.

To day I receive a parcel (a crate) full of my latest import from the states.
I would not open it except very slowly a bit of a time and I am taking so much shite from my war office her sister and half the friggin neighbours.
Then when Mr hard fucker from over the road pulls a divider out, there was a fuckin humongous bastard on the side of it.
The assembled crowd are discussing it and what it might be.
Meanwhile the spider is sitting there in the open making no attempt to escape the cocky fucker.
The concensus is that Drayton Manor should be called as they have a zoo and some bugger who can identify anything that crawls.
He'll never identify that bastard as why they were all having their debate I hit the cunt with a shovel and flattened the get. RIP bastard you never got me.
It took hours to open the rest as no one was so bastard cocky after "Henry" came out.

 

Girl............

 

That's a touch on the ghey side.

 

I may take mine back, he is an ex dink and they have them things that hide in the heads and bite your knob.

 

Awwwww, poor little spider - it's bad luck to kill them.

 

Booties?...

 

Is that from experience wrecks or a dream you have

 

Priceless:laughing7:

 

Well my first ship was a commando carrier, nuff said.

 

Well if anymore arrive I'll send you and sonar bender some.
Fuckin armchair hardmen.
Mind you have to ask "Would any self respecting spider bite a fuckin sludger" and would it live if it did?

 

Well Rummers when I was PO of the focsle on the Mighty Manchester back in the eighties one of my ABs was shit scared of the hairy feckers. The Seadart Tiff kept Tarrantulars as pets and as you know the bastards shed their skins every now and then, he brought one of the skins onboard to show off and fcuk it looked real and it was fcuking big.
I borrowed it off him and put it on the overheads then got the fcuking whimp of an AB to sweep them with a small handbrush and the big fat fecker landed on his head. He asked for a job change and said I was a cnut

 

He knew you well then?
And I wanna know who you blew to get the 2 took off.
Been up to me I'd a stuck three fuckin sixes at the end you evil little bastard.
Wanna go to the pictures with me?

 

I share your fear of them rummers. It's down to my brother's tormenting me with them when I was a kid, they'd put them down my t-shirt, in my bed etc, they even put one in my rice pudding once FFS!
When I worked in the outboard shop in Guzz, Big Vern would blow all the crates of outboards returning from the sandpit out with HP air before opening as they'd often come back with camel spiders stowing away in them, scary shit!

 

They're scarier than camels and as scary as other fucking big spiders.

 

Funnily enough Black Widows were not the wives of those killed at the Battle of Roukes Drift.:laughing7:

 

Rummers I'm more scared of you than any 8 legged hairy fcuker - ater all rumours abound about the length of your third leg - if true yes I'll go to the cinema with you but only to watch Arachnaphobia.

 

You'll have to hold my hand then.

 

You've definitely gone to dark side in more ways than one.

 

I can't argue with that or your "fix".

 

Especially for Rummers - maybe get this done on the roof of your van............?

Marlin Peterson: Artist creates giant 3D paintings of spiders on the roof of Seattle warehouse | Mail Online

Or maybe not!