Wee Billy

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#1
Wee Billy from Glesga tried his utmost to look cool. His friend told
him that he needed a pair of good designer trainers to go with his
shell suit.

Billy saved up all his Giros and all the money he got back from
returning his empty Ginger bottles and finally managed to get himself
a pair of brilliant white trainers to go with his shell suit.

strutting down the street, Billy called out to all the passers by
"Check oot ma new trainers pal? Stonkin, eh?"

One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that while they were indeed
a fine pair of trainers, was young Billy aware that, "Ye've no' done
up the laces on wan o' them, ya daft bastirt!"

Billy scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a
trailing lace on one trainer, and that on the sole of the trainer
there were instructions for the wearer to do so.

When asked for proof of this instruction, Billy took off his trainer
and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read.

"There y'are! Clear as day it says...... Taiwan !!!!!"
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
#2
Ripped off from elsewhere,

Q:whats the difference between a ned and a glasgow hairy?
A:the glasgow hairy has a higher sperm count.

Q:Where do you take a glasgow hairy on a descent night out?
A: *********** of course.

Q:what do you say to a ned wearing a suit?
A:will the defendant please rise.

Q:what does a glasgow hairy use for protection during sex?
A:a bus shelter.

Q:what do you call a pregnant glasgow hairy?
A: an underage mother.

Q:what do you call a 30yr old glasgow hairy?
A:gran.

Q:whats the most confusing day of the year for a ned?
A:fathers day.

Q:how do you spot a glasgow hairy at a wedding?
A:easy the one wearing the white tracksuit with all the kids running around her.
 

jockpopeye

Lantern Swinger
Book Reviewer
#3
A wee nautical Glasgow joke for you:
Two women from Glasgow are on a Cunard cruise, one is from Govan the other from Bearsden.
One night they both happen to be seated together at dinner.
Govan "This cruisin is pure dead brilliant!"
Bearden "Yes, quite"
Govan "So how comes youz are oan the cruise?"
Bearsden "My husband works for Cunard"
Govan "Aye well mah man works fuckan 'ard an all, but ah dinnae brag aboot it!"
 
#5
A wee lad fom Glasgie goes home his Da and exclaims happily that he is to be wed to a 21 year old virgin. His Da is surprised that the lass has retained her cherry for so long whilst living in Goven!

His Da asks the lad about this Paragon of Vitrue and the lad explains that she comes from a large family, and has 3 strapping brothers.

"Well thats it" says his Da ... You're not marrying her ... if shes not good enough for her brothers shes not good enough for you"
 
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