Discussion in 'Submariners' started by bruno207, Jul 5, 2008.

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  1. Warning

    I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a near miss the other day.

    I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first punch in and that was the end of that. Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

  2. PMSL!! More!!!!

  3. You LIKE old jokes then?
  4. Only those I haven't heard before.

  5. Here you go then shipmate, should keep you amused for a bit!
  6. Stand fast the duty watch
  7. Her indoors sent me out to *Superdrug* to get some of
    them they Clam-Hammocks, 'cos she had the painters
    and decorators in like.
    I comes home with a compressed box of Chuff-Stuffers,
    about the size of an OXO Cube and she says to me like,
    "Why did you get them they bloody small ones for, you git!"
    I says to her,
    "Well you says to me you weren't drippin' too much claret,
    and these here Box-Cloggers were half price........for a
    limited period only...."

    We then had a "Greek Night" in the kitchen, and she smashed
    up all the bloody crockery.

    Thank you. :pukel:
  8. About 5 days, isn't it?

    Ah; PMT.
  9. [Deleted]
  10. Ha, ha.... find em first! :rofl:
  12. Liverpool Council have just refused Liverpool Football Club a stadium in Stanley Park. They said its ok to have a fair on it once a year, but a circus every 2 weeks is taking the piss!!!!
  13. First Aid Course. (Question and Answer session)

    "Right! What would you do if you came across someone having
    a major epilleptic fit in the bath?"

    "Errrr...chuck in some Dobey dust and your Eights, Overalls, nicks and socks Chief?"
  14. Thats not funny, my brother died of an epileptic fit..............................................................................

    He choked on a sock :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t:
  15. Strategic responses to the ever dangerous "Do I look Fat" question:

    "No,not to Stevie Wonder."

    "Big time! That's why I'm sleeping with your best friend."

    "Does this tie make me look stupid?"

    "No hablo ingles."

    "Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things kind of balance out."

    "If I answer that question, then the terrorists have won."

    "Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative way on the comparison I am about to make."

    "Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity."

    "Let me jog around to your front and take a look."

    "No honey, but just to be safe, stay clear of one-legged sea captains."

    "Whoa! A talking settee!!"

    "May I consult the Iraqi Minister of Information before answering that?"
  16. We used to set up the new part threes on joining the boat by getting them to ask the killick of the mess how his sister was doing at ballet.

    They were keen to be accepted and thought it was being friendly so they always asked him.

    His reply was 'She hasnt got any legs,how the fcuk do you think she is doing'

    Said part three's went and hid in the forends.

    They eventually twigged and returned to the fold.

    Not the sort of humour I'm allowed to use anymore strangely enough.

    Mind you his sister was doggo!

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