wanking

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Montigny-La-Palisse, Nov 18, 2010.

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  1. Somebody recently coined the phrase "wanking too much". Now, this is a cause of great consternation to me as I hadn't previously thought this possible. However, my preconceptions have now been questioined and now I find myslef thinking that perhaps I touch myself far too often.

    Now. I am 35. I first broke my toggle at 12. I average about 3 wanks a day. That means, thus far, I have had roughly 28200 wanks in my life.

    Now I'm no stat grinding smash assessor. However that seems like a lot of wanks.

    Therefore I put this to you:

    1. How much is too much.

    2. Do you vary the method (I do, but I'm waiting for ammo)?

    3. Has it ever ended badly?

    4. Have you foregone important tasks for a thrash instead?

    Therefore, spin your wanking dits, been caught by mum? Smashed one over your prone missus? On stag? Let's hear it.

    Wanking is ace.
     
  2. I would say that you need to get out more mate. 3 times a day FFS!! 8)

    Anyway in answer to your question...

    1. With the advent of the internet wankfest theres no limits!! 8)

    2. I heard a dit about putting a folded sponge under the toilet seat and using that as a supplementary wanksock. Never tried it myself though. :wink: That and the dit from the Irish fisherman i used to work with who said with conviction that they used to wank into the mouth of a plaice when on long trips at sea. :p

    3. Yes. Mind yer own. :D

    4. Of course. And yes i did get caught by my old dear but again thats another story!!! 8)
     
  3. Had an oppo that would nip off and crack one out in between stances during NBCD circuit training!
     
  4. If your fisherman had been doing long trips at sea, he should have been to wrecked to wank. And as a former fisherman, it was the rusty bullet hole of a skate that was prefered, after dousing with a warm kettle of water..er, so iv been told.. :oops: :D
     
  5. 1) If it's red raw this could be an indication of excess. Or a need to slacken your grip.
    2) A butcher mate swears by liver, durty twunt! I fiond that Aloe vera tissues are nice for a clean up.
    3)Nah, oh hold on, there was that time I had to write to Penthouse though....
    4) Always procrastinate over everything but wanking.
     
  6. 1- Yes if it drops off
    2- Swap hands sometimes.
    3- Cracking one off in a toilet cubicle only to discover I hadnt locked the door. Cleaner was shocked :D
    4- Day hasnt begun till you have indulged in Hand to Gland combat.

    Wish this virus would feck off and leave me be. Feeling so rough that I havent beat the meat for 3 days.
     
  7. I used to use the stewards lips.
     
  8. I used to enjoy banging them out in the funnel while on welding sentry!! Good times.
     
  9. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Crikey! How big's your cock..?! 8O
     
  10. I'm actually hung like an off watch field mouse.
     
  11. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Likewise - but there's 15 stone behind it... :lol:
     
  12. It's not the nail.
     
  13. Cracked one out in the cockpit of a Sea Harrier once during a prolonged cab move being conducted by a particularly inept chockhead.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Cleaning the officers heads & bathroom on the Hermione we suspected one of our fellow RO's was cracking one off within the aforesaid heads. We rigged a 2 inch hose, stood on the trap next door, nozzle pointing over the top of the adjacent trap, gave the command 'on water' and almost knocked him off the shitter!
     
  15. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Dear Worried of Portsmouth, Thank You for your query. The following may help:

    We hope you find this information useful & wish you luck in your chosen career.



    ...Now, where've my glasses gone?
     
  16. The end trap in 2 Charlie heads on the CVS was a favourite wanking spot cos there was plenty of room to stretch out and spread your jazz-mags around. Problem was the escape scuttle up to 1C Mess. Many a poor bastard has been caught cock-in-hand.
     
  17. My most memorable tug to date was on the bridge during the middle. It was pitch dark, I was on the wheel and the OOW was female and fairly smashable.

    You haven't lived until you've had a danger wank like that. She was literally stood 3 feet from me. The prospect of crashing the ship also added to the whole experience somewhat.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  18. You absolute Hero 2DD! :wav:
     
  19. :D :D :D Nelson must be revolving.wouldnt have happend in his day.Good one 2DD.
     
  20. I know! Female Officers, whatever next eh? We'll be giving them the vote soon enough!
     

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