Various funnies

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by janner, Apr 30, 2013.

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  1. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer


    I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blow jobs and smoking weed.
    She was known as oral high Jean.


    Just had a parcel from Holland, when I opened it, it was a rubber fanny.

    That's nice I thought, 'two lips from Amsterdam' !


    My dad worked on the roadwork’s for twenty years before he got fired for stealing.

    At first I didn't believe it.... but when I got home all the signs were there.


    A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to
    turn on the dish washer.

    I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick.


    My girlfriend says that a small penis won’t affect our relationship.
    Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all !


    A woman is walking down the street and see's a sign in the pet shop
    window reading, "FANNY LICKING FROG £25" curious the woman proceeds
    inside and says to the shop keeper, "I'd like to see the fanny licking
    frog please." To which the shop keeper replies, "Bonjour !"


    I was on a train this morning, in the loo, when a voice called out
    "Can I see your ticket please ?" "Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a shit."
    "I don't believe you." Said the voice. "Slide it under the door."
    "No probs," I said. "The yellow bits are Sweetcorn !"


    My son asked me today "What's the difference between a crow and a blackbird ?"

    I told him, "Crows have somewhat heavier beaks, fan shaped tails and live on insects.

    A blackbird has big rubbery lips, a fat arse and lives on benefits."


    Everyone's a comedian nowadays.Even the paramedic who was unable to resuscitate Whitney couldn't avoid a gag !

    When he radioed dispatch he said..... "It's Houston, we have a problem !"

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