User checks

Make a list of user checks to see you through life.

1.When entering any new accommodation for the first time.Always check the mirror over the wash hand basin for palm prints.This may indicate that the basin has been used for purposes other than it's design.
Add to the list if you wish.

 

Make sure the U-pipe is still there! :roll:

 

... especially before using the "night-heads"

 

always check every drawer and cupboard in the new accommodation for a "dutch miracle"

 

Make sure the wife has not followed you.

Then check for other bugs........none electronic type, more crawley ones. :twisted:

 

When entering a strange bar if a local asks you to remove your foot from the Hand Rail................leave immediately.....................unless you Bi-Curious

 

If buying from Ma Boots Granby Gate, ensure flooring intact

 

Turn the mattress over and check for swamp marks

 

While mattress temporarily removed, check that >50% of bed-springs are in place.

Check bunk-light to see if it works, then search adjacent cabins (if open) for the block's one working light bulb.

Back of top shelf of the wardrobe should be checked for misplaced Frankie

 

For definate if Hot bunking it on HMS/M Anchorite :lol: (personal experience)

 

If hot bunking check bunk is empty

 

same goes for plugs for the sink/bath

 

Check for bog roll before evacuating bowels!

 

Before checking out of a hotel check that your room mate has not swapped your mattress for his pissey wet one.

 

Check that all your dhobey gear(shower gel,toothpaste etc) hasnt exploded inside your weekend grip ALL over all your kit! Im not saying it happened to me last week but...................

 

:? Why? It would be more cosy......

 

Always check the pillows in case the previous occupant was a pisshead.

 

Check the inside of both port and starboard socks in the morning.
You could have a phantom sock tosser offer in the mess. :wink:

 

Always check the for'd escape hatch is shut before surfacing,especially when you've disembarked booties.
(Not that ever happened on the Onslaught)

 

My bold, shouldn't that be diving or did SSK's do it differently to SSN'x