Unfunny 'Jokes' (??)

#1
Police were called to a pub after a man was assaulted in the bogs. A plod asks the victim for details of the assault, The man says, " I was in the bog taking a leak and this bloke came in, punched me to the floor and kicked me in the testicles and the arse". "Rectum". says the copper. "No, I don't think so", says the man, "but they're fucking sore"!
 
#3
A bloke came home from work early and found his wife in bed with her lover. "What's going on?" he says. Wifey turns to her lover and says, "What did I tell you, thick as shit!"
 
#4
True dit but could be joke, bloke I knew was looking for summat and looks in wifes knicker drawer, and finds a letter from the bank about the £2k she owes, which he knows nowt about, he confronts her and says, I think you have something to tell me dont you, yes she says breaking down in tears, I,m having an affair
 
#6
Came home yesterday and found the wife in bed with my best friend. I didn't hesitate.


I packed her kit up and made her sling her hook.


And after I said "bad boy", I'm making the dog spend the week in the outside kennel before he gets back in.
 
#9
True dit but could be joke, bloke I knew was looking for summat and looks in wifes knicker drawer, and finds a letter from the bank about the £2k she owes, which he knows nowt about, he confronts her and says, I think you have something to tell me dont you, yes she says breaking down in tears, I,m having an affair
Haha i so hope that is true!

2 pieces of tarmac walk into a bar, the tarmac from the pavement says to the barman 'don't serve him he is a cyclepath'
 
#10
Two pieces of vomit walking down the street.......one of them breaks down and cries...other one says.... whats up with you...sorry he says...but I was brought up around here.
 
#13
Two tampons walking along the road not talking to each other.

They're both stuck up cunts.


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#15
Instead of shouting Rectum! in an office try shouting ARSEHOLE!. Much more effective, especially when you count up the ones who spin round in their chairs in answer to your call!
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#16
Why not just shout "You're all a bunch of cunts" and punch the person nearest to you repeatedly in the face and shit in the bin. Always a hoot that one.
 
#19
This bloke walks into a pub, and his head is covered in dog-poo.
"Pint of Stella please", he says.
"Sorry - but you'll have to leave, i'm not serving you", says the Landlord.
"Oh - why's that?", says the bloke.
"Because you're shit-faced already".

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