Discussion in 'The Gash Barge' started by Nutty, Mar 27, 2007.

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  1. Old but still good news.


    A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early
    hours of Friday 23rd January 2004. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were
    seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fackin' 'ell"

    The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately 25p worth of damage.
    Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
    Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars
    were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

    Essex FM News (State Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents
    were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact
    that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17-year-old mother of 5 said "It was
    such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom
    crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
    I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha at lunchtime." Apparently
    though, looting, muggings and car crime are carrying on as normal.

    The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
    Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still
    searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
    belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
    Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
    unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
    after, items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa
    tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), White sport socks and
    Rockport boots. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all
    the same. Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans,
    ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms,
    1 GBPound buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9,
    5 GBP will pay for a packet of B & H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in blood - 'Where are
    you bleeding from?' they asked - 'ROMFORD' said the girl 'Woss it gotta do
    wiv you?'

  2. BZ Nutty. Absolutely priceless!

  3. Brilliant !!
  4. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  5. Seen it before , but the Newcastle version , good to read it again though , :lol: :lol:

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