Twat Stuff.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by BillyNoMates, Mar 26, 2010.

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  1. I got a *Non-Spill Paint Roller* (F***ing useless)....paint running
    down me arm in rivers.....got a "Self Wringing Mop* (Crap).......
    now at the back of the shed......got a "Set of Universal Lid removers"
    .........(Plastic bendy-bollocks)...still in the kitchen drawer.....got an
    "Extending gutter cleaner".....(fell to f***ing bits at first attempt).

    Has anyone else purchased Twat Stuff from those little paper
    catalogues that land on your hallway carpet, or seen summat in
    a shop (advertised on a never-ending DVD), and thought:
    "Looks like a f***ing good idea.....I'M HAVING SOME OF THAT!"

    (Heaps to choose from here)

    http://www.jmldirect.com/
     
  2. I bet you bought the "Buttoneer" and sh1tloads of Ronco stuff when you were a kid didn't you (plus MFP sound-a-like records) :wink:
     
  3. The best mag I've seen (apart from Razzle or Escort) is "Innovations", keeps me amused for hours seeing the crap tat people "invent" and flog.
     
  4. I got so much crap in my shed that I've never used I can't find fcuk all the rats have taken it over now. cheap screwdivers that the tip breaks off first time you use it, spade that snapped and the fcuking fence sprayer that blocked the first time I used it Aaaaaaarrrrgggggghhhhh
     


  5. Thank fcuk for that, I thought I was the only one
     
  6. We are all suckers for a money or labour saving device.We've all bought them,broke them at the first attempt or couldn't be arsed to try and clean them after use.Into the shed/garage they go to be conveniently forgotten.I always fall for the patter of the Market demonstration.It always looks so easy peasy until you get the thing home and cannot reproduce the demostration results or anything close. :wink:
     
  7. I loved the "Lawn Aerator". These were sandals with spikes you strapped to your feet and then bimbled up and down what passed for your lawn.

    A major talking point with the neighbours, I found. In fact there was that much talk, not a lot of lawn aerating occurred.
     
  8. Missus 2_Deck is well into her 'Coopers of Stortford shite.


    Presently we have the following items in our home which are never used:


    A motorised feather duster with 3 separately sized heads.

    A miniature hoover for removing crumbs from the dining table, it is shaped like a pig.

    A pair of extra long shears for pruning those hard to reach shrubs.

    An automatic potato peeler.

    A garlic peeler.

    A multi chopper, I have no idea what this is for but it looks dangerous and I like the name.

    A ladder with just two steps for reaching high shelves.

    A snuggy blanket, this is essentially a normal blanket, but it has sleeves.

    A salad dressing mixer.

    A mini kebab rotisserie, in all honesty I bought this but I just can't get the elephant's legs for it from anywhere.

    And my personal favourite:

    A plastic banana holder so that your banana doesn't get damaged on the tube.
     
  9. I have one of those banana things, and that Snuggy blanket is ridiculous:
    Old peoples blanket with arms


    I am after one of these, and have been for about 20 years since I first saw the ad:
    [​IMG]
     
  10. One of my favourite ads is the big slipper for oldies to keep their tootsies warm. Essentially a big double slipper. I've often wondered how many have worn this, fallen asleep then woken up to go for a slash and forgotton they're wearing them and done a header into the deck to be found later with broken hips, nose, dentures etc and covered in p1ss.


    Or am I just a sad :?
     
  11. You fuckin nasty bastard, neither me the war office or any other member of my family live in you shed.
    Who the fuck do you think we are? the "Borrowers". :D :wink:
     
  12. Is it raining outside? Is Fido desperate for "walkies"?
    Can't be arsed to take him out in the pouring rain?
    Want to stop Fido stinking the house up with that
    soaking-wet canine stink when you come back home?
    Well - now you can! Just like those little plastic spheres
    that you can stuff hamsters in, JML proudly introduce
    *The Dog Ball*. Made of durable plastic, *The Dog Ball*
    comes in <One size fits all>. From the smallest lap dog
    to the biggest Great Dane....just ram the barking cretin
    into your *Dog Ball* - and let him loose. No more wet
    floors, carpets or furniture!
    £99.99 (+ VAT).
    Only available In-Store.
    (Articulated Lorry required for pick up)
    Note: larger sizes are available for ponies and horses

    http://www.gadgetsandgizmos.org/wp-content/uploads/thumbs/rollerball.jpg
     

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