Turns out I'm a God

Evening cunts

So I'm cooking a spicy chilli and going great guns with the chopping, when I run my Zwilling cook's knife across one of the tips of my left hand fingers.

Pouncing spontaneously upon the wound, armed with a kitchen towel I succeed in stemming the bleeding (although legally converting my quorn chilli into a non-vegetarian option).

It is now 30 minutes after the event, and I am completely unable to discern which digit has been injured. I have searched each finger intimately, and even dipped my spectacles to look closely at my hand, and can still not remember which finger was sliced.

I have healed like a God. Bow down and worship me you mortal twunts.








A couple of bottles of wine may or may not have been involved, but the tissue remains as evidence

 

The wine has caused double vision.

You may think you've counted ten fingers but in actual fact you've sliced your fcuking hand off

 

We are not worthy :worship:
We are not worthy :worship:
We are not worthy :worship:

 

may have a effect you will wake up in the morning with something like this.

 

Check your partners hand, my son.

Plus that's twice in 2000 years I've had to sort your hand wounds [email protected]

 

Thanks Dad.

 

No probs, sorry I forgot your birthday card

 

I did notice. I suppose I can get my own WHSmiths voucher.






Cunt 8O

 

Got any spare curry? 8O :wink:

 

Anything to keep the staff quiet

 

Have you tried going for a piss?

 

Good point!

 

Do you already have my paypal for 'donations'?

 

Fcuk sake JJ count again.

 

6, yes. And your point is? 8O

 

You now have five and the curry tastes better. Simples

 

Dammit, I thought human tongue had a bone. 8O

 

I propose an acid test. We nail you up to a cross for a few days, stab you in the ribs and then bury you in a cave. If after three days you've managed to pull a Houdini then you truely are the King of Kings.

 

Worked last time. Fucking yids spoiled it. If only people realised that Hitler was the Holy Spirit. 8O