Turning Japanese

Discussion in 'The Gash Barge' started by Rumrat, Jul 19, 2010.

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  1. Quite recently, over the course of a few weeks I had reason to believe that I might be undergoing some sort of metamorphosis, and turning Japanese.
    I based my beliefs on the following observations, that were following a pattern of events that took place a few years ago.

    I came out of hospital a couple or so years back and was essentially the typical "White man", and because of illness was a real pasty colour, and added to this I shared the usual white supremacy point of view in my general life although not a bigot.
    So as soon as health allowed I took off with my wife to sunny climbs and started to live a peaceful and somewhat decadent life style.
    Lounging around on hot beaches drinking long cold drinks and generally reclining at any and every opportunity, I had plenty of time to reflect on my life thus far.
    I noticed as did all around me, that my attitudes towards subjects changed dramatically, and although I have always been laid back, I now became horizontal. My tolerance of fools and liars became extinct and I no longer stood by and allowed the BS brigade to go unchallenged.
    At the same time I became a really dark brown in colour, and my dick was always hard watching sandy maidens on warm beaches.
    I started to comprehend the local dialect and even began conversing with the locals in same. I was told by a lot of the many ex pats that I was turning native, and was not at all displeased with their synopsis.
    I returned to the UK and decided I would now be what every one was saying I resembled, "A Black man" I have been happy with this scenario of part time blackness, and hope it to continue .
    However, recently, for no apparent reason, I think I am turning Japanese.
    My statue has shrunk, I am no longer the same height I was when I had my last twelve monthly medical, my skin has gone a yellowy colour, and when out in the recent sun it was widely noticed that my eyes were going squinty. Although I have not yet started using the terms sianara, or hy in my vocabulary I do have grave concerns that this may occur.
    I am worried sick I may start bowing to all and sundry, wearing long loose robes and executing prisoners of was if any happen this way.
    I dare not go near the canal, or even the local fishmonger who does outside displays, as I fear I might dive into it and start consuming large quantities of raw fish. I find myself staring at the dirt boxes of young women, this I attribute to the same lust for raw fish.
    I have twice this week tried snatching the lamp shade in the lounge and ramming it on my head, I repeatedly crave to watch the Mikado and play records by Tokyo express.
    God, I'm turning Japanese.
  2. Oh! it's nothing to do with Japanese schoolgirls then?
  3. I'm not obsessed with them, I've had this one in the cell I mean cupboard since Friday and have not yet unwrapped it.
  4. Are you trying to say your [email protected] too much aka "Turning Japanese" by the Vapours (it's on Youtube if you don't know what I'm on about).
  5. This is a gash post, we want link's man dam it :twisted: :wink:
  6. When I get home I'll post the link, can't do it at work as the MoD babysitters have blocked Youtube. The song is about wanking, the Vapors thought it would get banned but the powers that be never twigged.
  7. Thanks for that wrecks, but I must take issue with you as I did Pontius this forenoon, over your choice of vocabulary in this "self moderated" thread.

    Work is not an acceptable word, and we would ask you from using it in any threads on this forum.
    You nasty bastard 8O ............ :wink: :D
  8. Many apologies, I should have said at a place that is not my home but where I'm paid to sit and post on here.
  9. If someones got to do it I might asdo it as noone else seems that keen :D
  10. Oh right I posted that a couple of days ago.
    I thought wreck's post meant I would get slant eyes through having a nifty fifty, a dirty thirty or even a wank.
    Staffs.. :cry: :cry:
  11. That's exactly what I meant FFS :roll: :wink:
  12. Of course you being such a non cryptic, straight cut, all English type of guy, I would never have suspected that . :D
    However I was lashed up to a sing song instead. :roll: 8O I think I was the "sod" at the opera. :cry: :cry:
  13. This ah ha employment of yours Wreck's does it involve you actually doing anything?
    I only ask as I need to know I am getting something for the tax I pay on my pension.
    Also why I have your attention, do they still sell caps in slops or is it issue only now?
    Answers on a post card please.... :wink: :)
  14. My work is of a secret nature, in fact so secret not even I know what I'm supposed to be doing.

    You can still purchase extra kit if need be but it's not cash sales anymore. I think it's done by computer and docked from your account, least that's what they did for me when I bought some kit before becoming a strawberry.
  15. :thumbup:
  16. There does seem to be a definate oriental influence to your posts lately RR.Certainly all these pics of your "nieces"would seem to point towards a japanese tendency.Do you have an irresistable urge for saki and pancake rolls?
  17. RR, if it's any conciliation, I too feel I'm turning Japanese. I've been to Spain for a couple of days, and I've turned a shade of yellow. Not only that, through excess drinking, and not much sleeping my eyes are like 2 piss hols in the snow.

    There must be something going round.
  18. I dunno, I did get the Saki, they called it "retirement on health issues, but it adds up to the same, doesn't it?
    I once did a fan dance when pissed, could this have been the start of it?
    I am drinking a lot more tea than usual coffee being off limits.
    V8 you could have hit upon something here, and I have got tickets to the local premier of Karate kid. This is disturbing as if my front teeth start to protrude I will end up with chapped lips in winter.
    And I did serve in the Aurora, goddess of the dawn= rising sun. Its all beginning to fall into place especially as I did have a rather strenuous rutting session with a girl called Dawn.
    Yes its Dawning on me now. :roll: 8O OMG I want to kill a Whale. :)
    I'll have the biggest sushi sale this side of Nagasaki.

    Tuts the eye affliction is a natural state of affairs, its Pernod poisoning with moi.

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