True ER Stories....and you thought you were having a bad day

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by hobbit, Jul 16, 2007.

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  1. Got these from a mate in UK


    FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
    hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her
    armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control
    was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. eeewwwww....

    PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the ER with
    lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in
    her privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I
    would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it
    was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
    recent hysterectomy.

    PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony
    mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling
    around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the
    mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!.
    concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock!), causing constipation and
    Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum
    was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy - we live sheltered

    BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of
    severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
    would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to
    help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor
    examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in
    at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
    ( eyes hurt now!!)

    OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
    emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his
    hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head.
    They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening
    for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the
    table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the
    act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the
    man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation,
    the man grabbed a fork

    and stabbed her in the head until she let go.
  2. Really no need - my stomach is doing cartwheels
  3. Ahhh the land of the free an the home of the freaks!!
  4. Heard a dit from a colleague of mine recently. A bloke was brought into A&E with a bleeding stoma and after some hours confided in a male (gay) nurse that his botty chum had been fcuking it which was the reason for the bleeding.

    Another dit was when we were called to a house where an old boy had a catheter probe shoved down his japs eye. The thing was that there were loads of semi-naked women about (goodo) and it dawned on me that this was a swingers party and the old boy obviously got pleasure from this. needless to say we had to take him into A&E and put yet more strain on resources.

  5. :pukel: :pukel:
    Thanks, thats my f%^king tea ruined - still its pasta n cheese which the OH had ready at 5 and im still at work......
  6. Re: True ER Stories....and you thought you were having a bad

    Thanks Hobbitt!! I work in that environment! Now nobody will date me!!
  7. Come on AP, you must have some gruesome stories to tell!
    Spill the beans woman! :)
  8. My ex worked for Ambulance Trust and some of the stories she used to tell about guys with hoovers, carrots, candles etc - not all at the same time ;-)
  9. During my tussle with rectal cancer a few years ago I had a "temporary ileostamy" after TME whilst my internal scars were healing and I was undergoing chemotherapy. I quote directly from the booklet of helpful advice called "Going Home" as issued by the Colo-rectal Nurse.

    Page 13. Sex and Pregnancy. .......................
    .............. "Homosexuality. The stoma itself should not be used for sexual activity. There are alternative ways of expressing your affection in a close loving relationship."

    The mind boggled a bit at the time, but your bloke obviously didn't read his support literature thoroughly!!!

  10. Is that where the saying "having a bit on the side" comes from?LOL

    At HAslar we regularly had a bloke that would attend A&E with all manner if objects rammed down his japs eye,biros,fish tank tubing,pencils,pipe cleaners,the list was endless!

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