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Troop Piss ups

andym

War Hero
Ok,by day 3 the Navy Party was well on the way to drinking the bar dry.One night we were talking to one of our Pongo drivers,A one trooper Poppleton.We spun him a load of crap about Subs,the off crew getting lashed up to free beers each day in a special Bar.In the end we managed to get him to request a transfer to the RN to his Troop Corporal Major.We werent flavour of the month and got a bollocking of the Corp Major and the CPOMA!
 
on top of the choices I've given NZB I remember being sent up to some place up north because some head honcho reckoned it was being lined up as a terrorist target, a radio relay station with lots of big golf ball thingys. anyway a section of her magestys finest where quickly hoecked of the rifle range and sent up there to patrol the place, they gave us two brand spankers defenders which we promptly wrote off chasing rabbits but thats another story. anyway there was this little NAAFI style bar there with a pool table, when the lads who where there permanantly (crabs?) used to retire for the night we'd get kicked out and had to doss down in this makeshift room making random sex calls on there telephone.
Anyways we persuaded them to let us still use the pool table between are times on watch, after all the bar had one of those pull down metal shutters with the oblong holes in it, what could we possible get up to....... well, we took the nibs of the pool que's (so to leave no chalk marks) and then slotted the que's through the holes where we could "hook" the trays of peanuts, scampi fries etc bring them back to the shutter, liberate the contents and then replace the empty trays on the nails we'd taken them from, dozzy buggers moaned like fcuk to us about someone robbing the naafi and we promised to keep an eye on it for them!! bless.
 
Ok NZB, might be a morning post though as It's getting late over here now and I'm running outta beer!....fcuk it give me a min and I'll tap it out for you.
 
NZB you might have guessed by now I was never on the shortlist for the kings badge so Apolagies to all who where. ... Whilst still getting chauffered around the oceans by our friends in blue I did actual have a job....and a working title.... I was part of something called the ABU thats the Amphibious beach unit to you unlearned types, within that group of hand picked drinkers there was a recce element, I know scary stuff, think of it as a poor mans bubblehead, no resourses, no idea and no clue. we had to do a beach landing on Tortola Island (British Virgin Islands) well the chosin bar sniffers had to go in first, we had to do a snurrggly approuch in a little gemini, then swim in and set the beach up with beacons and signal the landing force in, in time of war this is a really shite job but in the carabean it can be quite pleasurable. anyway we did what we where meant to and I think it was one of 42's coy that stormed in and kept on going, anyway some of the umpires who came in with the troops took one look at us and said "well your dead" who where we to argue, a ten day ex in the caribbean and dead on the beach, fcukin bargin!! anyway we told the med chain it wasn't us who where dead and sloped off.

The rest of the ABU landed later in the day including the sigs landrover and trailer, we had done some prior preperation so we'd binned all the kit we'd not use and filled the space up with trays of grolsch instead, just incase we'd be stranded on the beach.

So here I am on a picture postcard beach, "dead" out of the exercise with a trailer load of beer, the action going on 2 miles ahead, does it get any better than that....? YES we learnt that the factory that makes the famous Pussers rum was only 3 miles away, well red rag to a bull wasn't it.

Me and me mate, (we'll keep it confidential) smudge,thought "fcuk this, lets have a bimble over to it" so we did. Getting out of the screen of gravs laid down by 42 was easy, we looked like them and we where going in the right direction - away. so me and smudge rock up to the rum factory, cammed up and up for the tour, well, we got shite faced didn't we, then had a few more beers at the quay next to the factory, much jollaties with the locals. after about six hours thoughts turn to how we're going to get back...... going back through the screen of gravs is a no no, we'd be going the wrong way and we'd get pinged, whilst mulling this over in our rum/beer induced state we notice a speed boat is tied up to the quay where we're drinking.........well.....a couple of glances, nods and winks and the jobs a good un (smudge is an LC) so we nick the boat and start driving around the cove to where we'd landed,..... the boat was a beast with a big fcuk off engine, .....well we decided the best thing to do was drive around to the landing beach, cut the engine about 100m out, drift in and then swim the rest of the way, no one would see us and there'd be no problem. Good solid plan, foolproof even, but we where p1ssed and it was a beast of a boat, so everything was going fine untill we where about 150 m out, smudge then just let rip with the engine and gunned it for the beach, we hit the beach at mach point fcukfast, he whipped the engine up at the point of impact, we must of gone up the beach 20m, came to a halt with the engine in the air and screaming, looked at me, put his fingers to his lips and went sshhush. cnut, got well in the shite for that one.
 
In case you lot think you invented it my Dad and his mates used to hang about in a specific pub in Bath in order to pick fights with the army in about 1947!!!!!! What a role model - no wonder I used to fight the boys round the back of the bike sheds after school - didn't stand a chance did I?

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
 
wet_blobby said:
NZB you might have guessed by now I was never on the shortlist for the kings badge so Apolagies to all who where. ... Whilst still getting chauffered around the oceans by our friends in blue I did actual have a job....and a working title.... I was part of something called the ABU thats the Amphibious beach unit to you unlearned types, within that group of hand picked drinkers there was a recce element, I know scary stuff, think of it as a poor mans bubblehead, no resourses, no idea and no clue. we had to do a beach landing on Tortola Island (British Virgin Islands) well the chosin bar sniffers had to go in first, we had to do a snurrggly approuch in a little gemini, then swim in and set the beach up with beacons and signal the landing force in, in time of war this is a really shite job but in the carabean it can be quite pleasurable. anyway we did what we where meant to and I think it was one of 42's coy that stormed in and kept on going, anyway some of the umpires who came in with the troops took one look at us and said "well your dead" who where we to argue, a ten day ex in the caribbean and dead on the beach, fcukin bargin!! anyway we told the med chain it wasn't us who where dead and sloped off.

The rest of the ABU landed later in the day including the sigs landrover and trailer, we had done some prior preperation so we'd binned all the kit we'd not use and filled the space up with trays of grolsch instead, just incase we'd be stranded on the beach.

So here I am on a picture postcard beach, "dead" out of the exercise with a trailer load of beer, the action going on 2 miles ahead, does it get any better than that....? YES we learnt that the factory that makes the famous Pussers rum was only 3 miles away, well red rag to a bull wasn't it.

Me and me mate, (we'll keep it confidential) smudge,thought "fcuk this, lets have a bimble over to it" so we did. Getting out of the screen of gravs laid down by 42 was easy, we looked like them and we where going in the right direction - away. so me and smudge rock up to the rum factory, cammed up and up for the tour, well, we got shite faced didn't we, then had a few more beers at the quay next to the factory, much jollaties with the locals. after about six hours thoughts turn to how we're going to get back...... going back through the screen of gravs is a no no, we'd be going the wrong way and we'd get pinged, whilst mulling this over in our rum/beer induced state we notice a speed boat is tied up to the quay where we're drinking.........well.....a couple of glances, nods and winks and the jobs a good un (smudge is an LC) so we nick the boat and start driving around the cove to where we'd landed,..... the boat was a beast with a big fcuk off engine, .....well we decided the best thing to do was drive around to the landing beach, cut the engine about 100m out, drift in and then swim the rest of the way, no one would see us and there'd be no problem. Good solid plan, foolproof even, but we where p1ssed and it was a beast of a boat, so everything was going fine untill we where about 150 m out, smudge then just let rip with the engine and gunned it for the beach, we hit the beach at mach point fcukfast, he whipped the engine up at the point of impact, we must of gone up the beach 20m, came to a halt with the engine in the air and screaming, looked at me, put his fingers to his lips and went sshhush. cnut, got well in the shite for that one.



:lol: :lol: :lol:

Absofuckinlutley classic dit mate. :wink:
 
golden_rivet said:
wet_blobby said:
Eh? and which tangent have you just landed from??

I agree - wtf has Sebastapol got to do with piss-ups and punch-ups - some real thickos on here aren't there ??? :grin:

read the dit later and you might find out :lol:

Edit to add, yes ma,am there are some thickos on here, me personally am the size of two short gurkas. :twisted:
 
Right then NZB, works over and the beers are flowing so I'll tell you another little ditty.

This one like the rest has no punch up story much to Golden Rivets disgust I'm shore seeing as she likes to accuse people of writing them but is the only person to do so....

Well the chief taxi driver one day took us to sevastapol in russia, we where all mightily looking forward to meeting the locals who would undoubtably look upon us as demi gods and mini millionaires. Us bootnecks had to dig out blues and pith helmets and do the guard of honour thingy for the massed ranks of russia admirals who came to say hello.....well we where all stood there at the top of the gangway gleaming and sparkily....unfortunatley the gangway was swinging around a bit and yours truly got pinged to go down to the quey and fasten it, thus a humble bootneck slithered down the gangplank in hobnail boots(not easy) and became the first british combat soldier to set foot in the crimean since the crimean war......fcuk did I get daggers from the assembled brigadiers, generals, admirals when they realised their arrogance had robbed them from this noteworthy accolade. anyway shite loads of ruski admirals came on and inspected us as we tried not to laugh, the higher the rank the wider the hat, ferkin comical, little did they know (or us) we'd be getting p1ssed in there uniforms for years to come.

We where all given cinderella leave with strick instructions that we had to go ashore in lovats and HAD to stay sober and had to return each night by Midnight............yeah right then..........So suitably dressed up we hit the town, you've never seen anything like it, they reckon pompeys got a drink problem, jeez them old ruski boys where permanantly blottod on vodka, so we decided to join them, it looked like bottles of p1ss, none of this clear liquid stuff we get over here and boy was it potent. We soon learn't that the russians hadn't quite crasped the fundamental approach to capitalism, so we took advantage of them, because the 2p coin has the queens head one side and the number two on the other we convinced them it was a 2 pound coin, and they fell for it!!! well we were in the land where you could get a chew in exchange for a curlywurly, one of the lads got three hookers for all nighters for a fiver including the tip, got charged for missing cinderella leave but reckoned it was worth it.
The word soon got around that the Brits were in town and they flocked to us trying to flog us all sorts of stuff, The navy do this wierd thing called "sunset" every day, I could never get my head around it, it doesn't matter where the sun is in the sky...if the head taxi driver says its sunset, its sunset....many a time I've been caught out sunbathing when they pulled that little gag on me and the lads....anyway it seems this particular quirk was quite catchy in naval circles and the russians where copying us!! only difference was as soon as they took all there flags down they'd run over to our taxi and flog them to us, I think everyone ended up with some version of the hammer and cycle swapped for a mars bar.
After we'd sampled the delights of Vodka we soon found out that they did a great line in champagne, 20 quid for a case of 12!! we were soon shedded on that stuff, and then the locals found us and started to try and flog us all sorts of crap, one of the locals had his uniform up for sale, that was soon snapped up and then as word spread the bar resembled a russian military tailers shop, so there we where half dressed in lovats and half dressed in russian uniform drunk fcuk and then this lad walks in with the piece de resistance, he'd nicked his dad complete uniform.....daddy was a russian admiral..... so one of the lad snaps it up, medals, boots ,hat the lot and quickly gets dressed in it, we just had to have fun with this thing.....so we went for a bimble around town, scouse who was dressed as the admiral about 6 metres in front of us, the ruski matelots where all snapping to attention and chucking one up left right and centre at scouse who tried his hardest to return the complement.
so after a few more hours drinking and saluting around town we thought.....if this works on the russian matelots, what about our lot.....? so the plot was hatched, we'd walk back to the taxi, scouse would walk up the ganplank dressed as the admiral and we'd follow abit behind to giggle at the poor gangway sentries....... it was going great guns, dark enough for jack to make out the uniform but not to see scouses face as he tried to stagger up the gang plank with us giggling behind........then disaster struck..... jack panicked and faced with an obviously drunk russian admiral approaching called for reinforcements.....fcuk me, within 30 seconds flat there was a complete guard of honour including the duty occifer and obligatory whistling. We'd all noticed this happening but scouse who was concentrating hard not to fall over in his new boots hadn't noticed a thing, stagged to the top of the gangplank, looked around him and said, "fcuk me, cheers lads but you really shouldn't have bothered" in broud scouse. well, jack had another serious sense of humour failure with us, scouse got put away for the night (but kept the uniform) and the rest of us where banned from going ashore the next day.

so what do thirty odd booties do confined on a big grey taxi whilst everone else is on leave....?........whack Zulu in the video player and indulge in some naked drinking whilst wearing pith helmets, thats what.....we had a whale of a time until the chief taxi driver (they called him the captain) decided to show some of the hordes of distinguished guests around his taxi and came barging into our humbe abode without knocking first (dreadful manners) we jumped to attentions when faced with so many admirals, generals, politicians etc, close your eyes and picture the scene, thirty bollox naked bootnecks (except for the pith helmet) stood to attention (steady, attention not arosed) and a big gaggle of the great and the good, fcuking priceless looks on there faces.... well, the chief taxi driver ushered his guests away and was overheard mumbling something about Fcuking marines and end of career....bless.


I cant spell before someone kindly points that out.
 

chieftiff

War Hero
Moderator
NZ_Bootneck said:
chieftiff said:
NZ_Bootneck said:
Chief, on behalf of all Ex, serving and those as yet unborn, booties, sorry.

I know the score mate, I was brought up with it, my Dad was a Colour Sergeant, used to wipe the stair rail with swarfega and watch us kids fly down for breakfast :lol:

How on earth did you break the news to your Dad that you were joining Andrew!! I bet he would rather you told him you were gay ...no offenc e if you are lol :grin:

No NZ I am not gay, but I did tell him I was once, just to see if his head would pop :twisted: My Dad refused to sign my papers to join RM when I was 16, ranted about getting a trade etc etc at the time I was not impressed and seriously considered running away to join the FFL, one of my Dads mates had done it and had some great dits, even better than wet_blobby's! I was mad with the old man for a while but not now, have a trade, good job and I have had all the boys own action stuff which I elected to do, took me a while to realise that for me he was right, my son on the other hand is thinking of joining Royal and I am thinking of letting him (not that I have much choice he is 19)
 
chieftiff said:
NZ_Bootneck said:
chieftiff said:
NZ_Bootneck said:
Chief, on behalf of all Ex, serving and those as yet unborn, booties, sorry.

I know the score mate, I was brought up with it, my Dad was a Colour Sergeant, used to wipe the stair rail with swarfega and watch us kids fly down for breakfast :lol:

How on earth did you break the news to your Dad that you were joining Andrew!! I bet he would rather you told him you were gay ...no offenc e if you are lol :grin:

No NZ I am not gay, but I did tell him I was once, just to see if his head would pop :twisted: My Dad refused to sign my papers to join RM when I was 16, ranted about getting a trade etc etc at the time I was not impressed and seriously considered running away to join the FFL, one of my Dads mates had done it and had some great dits, even better than wet_blobby's! I was mad with the old man for a while but not now, have a trade, good job and I have had all the boys own action stuff which I elected to do, took me a while to realise that for me he was right, my son on the other hand is thinking of joining Royal and I am thinking of letting him (not that I have much choice he is 19)

What ever your son joins be it royal or andrew I'm sure you'll support him, and good luck to the lad.
 

chieftiff

War Hero
Moderator
Thanks mate, you're right I will support him, but only if he promises to spin his dits to me in my old age, and listen to mine! :lol:
 
I blame all these problems on the demise of the tot. I remember in 1964, or was it 1963, when we took the bootnecks into Zanzibar. The bootnecks were so professional that they would not drink their tot so for a couple of packs of duty frees they swapped their rum. I have had a great respect for bootnecks since then especially as I was UA at the tme but still I got a good gulper.
 
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