Treat the bitch right

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Lingyai, May 25, 2007.

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  1. 1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

    2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

    3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

    4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

    5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

    6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies.

    7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "F**K you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

    8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for mile so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

    9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.

    10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

    11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her our jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop complaining about the cold right now, you're going to be complaining about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

    12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.

    13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny...why shouldn't girls?

    14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).

    15. After you have made love, say "listen toots, put your knickers back on and go make me a cup of tea".
    If she laughs, is not out of the bed within 3 seconds, is not back within 3.5 minutes, or the tea is crap/does not come with decent biscuits (or any combination of the above) tell her that it's over until she learns to make better cups of tea; a Woman loves to better herself - give her the chance to do so.

    16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

    17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy.

    18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

    19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

    20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).

    21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.

    22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

    23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

    24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects arent important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

    25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can.

    26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited, then don't call.
  2. Ling, my little sweetie, I bet none of the above apply to you. I bet the lovely Mrs Ling has you by the short and curlies.

    Alternatively, I have always found that men with the biggest gobs have the smallest willies.

    Which is it to be? :wink:

    RC xxx
  3. No 10. made I larf :D
  4. Firstly Rosie, I shave my spuds, you get more ball action that way
    As for the willy size I can only quote an old Kilick Stoker friend,
    'You wouldn't like it up yer arse'
    Now, where's that tea???
  5. Ah, that old trick.......... Mr. J_D said that once, he never did get to watch that footie match, he spent the night waiting in A&E.
  6. Ling, Are you single by any chance ? and if you are how long have you been single ?, cos your nature is exactly what women are looking for.
  7. Is that a come on precious? :wink:
  8. Right then so lets get this quite clear
    1. You shave your bits. What is wrong with a good waxing - my lady does intimate waxing - back, sac and crack. Perhaps you are not man enough for that?
    2. A killick stoker once suggested to you that you would not like his up your arse? What on earth led to the start of that conversation I wonder? Actually I do not wonder because it must be a stoker thing! But still ...
    3. I will make you tea if you are George Clooney.
  9. Yuk, you are not my type matey, more into the female's, maybe you should try a female sometime, they can mellow your outlook on life.

    Nice thread though, might try it, but you know what a woman is like once SHE has been scorned !!!, OUCH ! :D

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