Travelling Tips

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by higthepig, Aug 27, 2006.

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  1. When you board an Aircraft start to sing the Iraqui National Anthem, if anyone else joins in, get to fcuk off it.
     
  2. Can you post the words?!!!!! lol :eek:
     
  3. When a train is late and it pulls onto the platform where you are standing waiting for it, as the driver approaches, lift your arm and tap your watch in a very conspicuous fashion. I am told that they find this very helpful!
     
  4. It is customary when visiting the street markets in London, to take one free piece of fruit from any of the market stalls.
     
  5. Yes, this is a very common practice, and whilst the stall owner chases you your mate nicks the cash box and runs of in the opposite direction.

    Peter
     
  6. You lot haven't been to London lately. Now the stall holder just gets his cun and shoots you. Then claiming that he was only defending himself as he would in his own country. Ho hum, cynical me.

    Barry
     
  7. As seen on those TV series' such as "Airline" and "Airport", I think it's perfectly reasonable to turn up for a flight abroad, having left your passport at home, then blame the hapless check-in staff for not letting you on the flight.
    I once saw an episode where some hopeless silvertop wanted to go to Palma in Majorca, but had booked a ticket to Parma in Italy!! When being interviewed later, she did the right thing and blamed the airline for not maknig it clear on the website. Has to be the way to go, when you've fcuked up, shout loudly and blame the "system" for your own dullardness.
     
  8. Comments from the public are always welcome in a court of law. When you start to speak, an usher will callout "Silence in Court", this is to ensure that you are heard without interruption.
     
  9. Well grefs you could try whitleing this
    MIDI
     
  10. sorry dont work
     
  11. "National Anthem Lyrics

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Mawtini Mawtini

    Al jalalu wal jamalu
    As sana'u wal baha'u fi rubak, fi rubak
    Wal hayatu wan najatu
    Wal hana'u war raja'u fi hawak, fi hawak

    Hal Arak Hal Arak

    2x Saliman muna''aman
    Wa ghaniman mukarraman
    Hal Arak Hal Arak
    Fi 'ulak Fi 'ulak
    Tablughu assimak Tablugha assimak

    Mawtini Mawtini

    Mawtini Mawtini

    Ashababu Lan yakillu
    Hammahu an tastaqill aw yabid aw yabid
    Tanstaqi min ar rada
    Walan nakuna lil'ida kal'abid kal'abid

    La Nurid La Nurid

    2x Dhullana al mu'abbada
    Wa shanah nurnakkada
    La nurid La nurid
    bal na'id bal na'id
    Majdana-at talid Majdana-at talid

    Mawtini Mawtini

    Mawtini Mawtini

    Al husamu wal yara'u
    La lkalam wan niza' ramzuna ramzuna
    Majduna wa'ahduna
    Wawajibun il lwafa yahuzzuna yahuzzuna

    'izzuna 'izzuna

    2x Ghayatun tusharrifu
    Warayatun turafrifu
    Ya hanak Ya hanak
    Fi 'ulak Fi 'ulak
    Qahiran 'idaka Qahiran 'idaka

    Mawtini Mawtini

    ---

    ARABIC LYRICS (Arabic script)



    ---

    ENGLISH TRANSLATION

    My homeland
    My homeland
    Glory and beauty
    Sublimity and prettiness
    Are in your hills
    Life and deliverance
    Pleasure and hope
    Are in your atmosphere
    Will I see you?
    Safe and comfortable
    Sound and honored
    Will I see you?
    In your eminence
    Reaching the stars
    My homeland
    My homeland

    The youth will not get tired
    Their goal is your independence
    Or they die
    We will drink from death
    But we will not be slaves to our enemies
    We do not want
    An eternal humiliation
    Nor a miserable life
    We do not want
    But we will return
    Our great glory
    My homeland
    My homeland

    The sword and the pen
    Are our symbols
    Not talking nor quarreling
    Our glory and covenant
    And a duty to fulfill it
    Shake us
    Our honor
    Is an honorable cause
    A raised flag
    O, your beauty
    In your eminence
    Victorious over your enemies
    My homeland
    My homeland
    "

    8O
     
  12. It is considered extremely good mannered, when travelling by train, to assist anyone who is doing the Times Crossword.
     
  13. We will drink from death
    But we will not be slaves to our enemies
    We do not want
    An eternal humiliation
    Nor a miserable life
    We do not want


    The sword and the pen
    Are our symbols
    Not talking nor quarreling
    Our glory and covenant
    And a duty to fulfill it





    No shit???Now we get to see where the real problems over there stem from.Maybe they might like to have a rethink and have a (dont believe i'm saying this!)more Politically Correct set of words to the anthem!
     
  14. When travelling from Edinburgh airport pay £12 to gain access to the FlyBe executive lounge. This then gives you 3 hours access to "All you can drink"
    I find the challenge of emptying their fridges most theraputic pre flight entertainment

    £12 ha ha do they know how much we see them off every week!!
     
  15. when at imigration at any US airport, or so I am told, muttering to your fellow travellers in a foreign language whilst being very, very aware of the security personnel will speed your way through that process.....
     
  16. Women are not allowed to go upstairs on a bus, if you should see one there, politely ask her to descend.
     
  17. If you use The Trainline to book a journey from Bath to Paddington, be sure to tick the "airline seat" option. Invariably it will be the single seat, with no number, at the end of the "family" carriage. This is a great opportunity to interact with the Care in the Community patient or non English speaking foreigner who's already claimed it.
     
  18. BEST TRAVELLING TIP!!

    STAY AT HOME!!!

    JOHN LENNON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

    STAR DATE Whenever you turn up!!!!!

    Why are you carrying a sword in your luggage the scouser asked, well actually he said. "HEY DARE ARE KID WHAT YA GOT DARE DEN LOOKS LIKE A SWORD"

    "Walking stick actually my man" I replied I enjoy walking. "WELL WHY YA FLYING DEN ARE KID IF YA LIKES THE WALKING"

    "UNABLE TO WALK ON WATER MY MAN"

    For fecks sake beam me up Scotty!!!!!!!

    Then there was the one where they took the old 24hr ration pack tin opener of my key ring being a deadly weapon. Told them it had been round the world five times. I can post it home only cost three quid from the machine I was told.

    I brought up the subject of biros being deadly weapons that he told me where not banned. Gateway to the brain thing the eyeball he agreed better half told me I was a idjut could have been arrested.

    Now hang on a min that was not just a tin open it was also a bottle opener saved my life on many a occasion helping me and Mr Newquay Brown.

    Not forgetting two lines going out the same door one to Dublin one to Italy trolly dolly said *It is ok we know what we are doing*.

    *Capt of the Titanic

    Doors shut engines fire up they do the count. Everything shuts down. Doors open and this guy walks on board like a lost soul unloved unwanted apparently he was on the aircraft and it was taxing along and he mentioned his first pint of Guinness in Dublin and somebody pointed out this was the eyetie plane.

    Why is it when the Capt shouts we are ahead of schedule and you land early your luggage fails to arrive for another half hour then the car park is chocker.

    LIKE THE HIJACKER SAID TO THE CAPT WITH A GUN AT HIS HEAD.

    TAKE ME THE SAME PLACE AS MY LUGGAGE!!!!!
     

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