Travelling Tips

#3
When a train is late and it pulls onto the platform where you are standing waiting for it, as the driver approaches, lift your arm and tap your watch in a very conspicuous fashion. I am told that they find this very helpful!
 
#5
higthepig said:
It is customary when visiting the street markets in London, to take one free piece of fruit from any of the market stalls.
Yes, this is a very common practice, and whilst the stall owner chases you your mate nicks the cash box and runs of in the opposite direction.

Peter
 

barry

Midshipman
#6
You lot haven't been to London lately. Now the stall holder just gets his cun and shoots you. Then claiming that he was only defending himself as he would in his own country. Ho hum, cynical me.

Barry
 

Squirrel

Lantern Swinger
#7
As seen on those TV series' such as "Airline" and "Airport", I think it's perfectly reasonable to turn up for a flight abroad, having left your passport at home, then blame the hapless check-in staff for not letting you on the flight.
I once saw an episode where some hopeless silvertop wanted to go to Palma in Majorca, but had booked a ticket to Parma in Italy!! When being interviewed later, she did the right thing and blamed the airline for not maknig it clear on the website. Has to be the way to go, when you've fcuked up, shout loudly and blame the "system" for your own dullardness.
 
#8
Comments from the public are always welcome in a court of law. When you start to speak, an usher will callout "Silence in Court", this is to ensure that you are heard without interruption.
 
#12
grefs said:
higthepig said:
When you board an Aircraft start to sing the Iraqui National Anthem, if anyone else joins in, get to fcuk off it.
Can you post the words?!!!!! lol :eek:
"National Anthem Lyrics

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mawtini Mawtini

Al jalalu wal jamalu
As sana'u wal baha'u fi rubak, fi rubak
Wal hayatu wan najatu
Wal hana'u war raja'u fi hawak, fi hawak

Hal Arak Hal Arak

2x Saliman muna''aman
Wa ghaniman mukarraman
Hal Arak Hal Arak
Fi 'ulak Fi 'ulak
Tablughu assimak Tablugha assimak

Mawtini Mawtini

Mawtini Mawtini

Ashababu Lan yakillu
Hammahu an tastaqill aw yabid aw yabid
Tanstaqi min ar rada
Walan nakuna lil'ida kal'abid kal'abid

La Nurid La Nurid

2x Dhullana al mu'abbada
Wa shanah nurnakkada
La nurid La nurid
bal na'id bal na'id
Majdana-at talid Majdana-at talid

Mawtini Mawtini

Mawtini Mawtini

Al husamu wal yara'u
La lkalam wan niza' ramzuna ramzuna
Majduna wa'ahduna
Wawajibun il lwafa yahuzzuna yahuzzuna

'izzuna 'izzuna

2x Ghayatun tusharrifu
Warayatun turafrifu
Ya hanak Ya hanak
Fi 'ulak Fi 'ulak
Qahiran 'idaka Qahiran 'idaka

Mawtini Mawtini

---

ARABIC LYRICS (Arabic script)



---

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

My homeland
My homeland
Glory and beauty
Sublimity and prettiness
Are in your hills
Life and deliverance
Pleasure and hope
Are in your atmosphere
Will I see you?
Safe and comfortable
Sound and honored
Will I see you?
In your eminence
Reaching the stars
My homeland
My homeland

The youth will not get tired
Their goal is your independence
Or they die
We will drink from death
But we will not be slaves to our enemies
We do not want
An eternal humiliation
Nor a miserable life
We do not want
But we will return
Our great glory
My homeland
My homeland

The sword and the pen
Are our symbols
Not talking nor quarreling
Our glory and covenant
And a duty to fulfill it
Shake us
Our honor
Is an honorable cause
A raised flag
O, your beauty
In your eminence
Victorious over your enemies
My homeland
My homeland
"

8O
 
#14
We will drink from death
But we will not be slaves to our enemies
We do not want
An eternal humiliation
Nor a miserable life
We do not want


The sword and the pen
Are our symbols
Not talking nor quarreling
Our glory and covenant
And a duty to fulfill it





No shit???Now we get to see where the real problems over there stem from.Maybe they might like to have a rethink and have a (dont believe i'm saying this!)more Politically Correct set of words to the anthem!
 
#15
When travelling from Edinburgh airport pay £12 to gain access to the FlyBe executive lounge. This then gives you 3 hours access to "All you can drink"
I find the challenge of emptying their fridges most theraputic pre flight entertainment

£12 ha ha do they know how much we see them off every week!!
 
#16
when at imigration at any US airport, or so I am told, muttering to your fellow travellers in a foreign language whilst being very, very aware of the security personnel will speed your way through that process.....
 
#18
If you use The Trainline to book a journey from Bath to Paddington, be sure to tick the "airline seat" option. Invariably it will be the single seat, with no number, at the end of the "family" carriage. This is a great opportunity to interact with the Care in the Community patient or non English speaking foreigner who's already claimed it.
 
#19
BEST TRAVELLING TIP!!

STAY AT HOME!!!

JOHN LENNON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

STAR DATE Whenever you turn up!!!!!

Why are you carrying a sword in your luggage the scouser asked, well actually he said. "HEY DARE ARE KID WHAT YA GOT DARE DEN LOOKS LIKE A SWORD"

"Walking stick actually my man" I replied I enjoy walking. "WELL WHY YA FLYING DEN ARE KID IF YA LIKES THE WALKING"

"UNABLE TO WALK ON WATER MY MAN"

For fecks sake beam me up Scotty!!!!!!!

Then there was the one where they took the old 24hr ration pack tin opener of my key ring being a deadly weapon. Told them it had been round the world five times. I can post it home only cost three quid from the machine I was told.

I brought up the subject of biros being deadly weapons that he told me where not banned. Gateway to the brain thing the eyeball he agreed better half told me I was a idjut could have been arrested.

Now hang on a min that was not just a tin open it was also a bottle opener saved my life on many a occasion helping me and Mr Newquay Brown.

Not forgetting two lines going out the same door one to Dublin one to Italy trolly dolly said *It is ok we know what we are doing*.

*Capt of the Titanic

Doors shut engines fire up they do the count. Everything shuts down. Doors open and this guy walks on board like a lost soul unloved unwanted apparently he was on the aircraft and it was taxing along and he mentioned his first pint of Guinness in Dublin and somebody pointed out this was the eyetie plane.

Why is it when the Capt shouts we are ahead of schedule and you land early your luggage fails to arrive for another half hour then the car park is chocker.

LIKE THE HIJACKER SAID TO THE CAPT WITH A GUN AT HIS HEAD.

TAKE ME THE SAME PLACE AS MY LUGGAGE!!!!!
 
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